Polo! (how many RPs do you do at any one time? xD)

I watched him lean beside me on the wall and looked awkwardly down at my hands, brushing the small stones of gravel lightly into my fingers. It seemed I'd managed to calm him enough to stop pacing, and a good thing too. It was starting to irritate me. But I had no idea why it was only now that my lack of sleep had began to haunt me, and I really didn't want it to affect how I was with him. Despite everything that'd happened moments earlier, with the policeman and him running away from me, I couldn't bring myself to be quite as angry as I should have been, especially with the policeman incident. I had no idea what he was thinking back there with the knife in his hand, what must have been going through his mind. But of course, when panicking, who ever gave a second thought to what they were doing? I jumped as I heard the quite clatter of the object he'd held in his pocket land before me and stared blankly at the shimerring metal of the blade, unable to gather my thoughts together. Questions flooded through my mind before I could stop them. Was he mad? What did he expect me to do with it? Did I look like the type that actually could carry such a dengerous object around with me? I could not carry such a weapon and not look suspicious, and how much bother with the police would I be in if I was caught? Plus all the bother I was already in with the law, I couldn't afford to have any more charges being thrust upon me again, as I doubt my mother would be able to bare any more uniformed visitors. I shook my head, unable to find the appropriate words to my lips. "Kougu..." I started, still staring down at the knife by my feet. It looked so small and innocent lying there in the gravel, it was hard to believe what damage it could actually do, the lives it could destroy. "Kougu, I can't take this. I just...I can't. I don't care how dangerous it is out there, I'm in enough trouble as it is. What of I was to be caught? What would I say then?" Now it was my turn to be anxious, as the bitterness of his voice sent a cold shiver down my spine. But what was I meant to say? Despite his best efforts with his somewhat comforting smile, it didn't seem to be working with me. I ran my hands over my tired face, letting out a sigh. "You don't have to thank me. I just don't want a repeat of what happened back there with the policeman"

(don't worry, polo sorry I'm beign slow in replying, I too have the dreaded block 0_0)

Kougu's expression darkened slightly at her response and he glanced away, staring unseeingly into the distance. He had known she would not approve... But what was he supposed to do? Leave her undefended around a murderous madman?! Not a chance. He would carry it and defend her himself, were it not for the tiny problem that he already knew it was not within his power to stop himself... "Why do you think I gave it to you?" Kougu retorted, suddenly turning back to face her. "While you are in my presence, I must be sure that you will be safe, no matter what the cost..." He trailed off, losing his determination for a moment, then fixed her with a steely gaze and forced himself to continue. "Out there... Out there... You don't understand. The danger... The danger is right here. Me. I already told you that I can't be trusted, so take my word for it and hold on to that knife. If I come at you, I want you to stab me to death." Kougu finished calmly, watching her with an unreadable expression for a moment before pushing back from the wall and walking further away, following the shadows as the sun eased its way through the sky. He was getting too close to saying things he never wanted to say. Much too close... If only she'd just think him a lunatic and accept the weapon simply to pacify him. That wold be the simplest option... Kougu uttered a growl of frustration, infuriated by his own uselessness. He hated it... The constant fear... The knowledge that he couldn't trust himself. The knowledge that every time a person met his eyes, it might be their final action... Worst of all, the knowledge of what he had done, and what he could do... Or rather, what he couldn't do. The things he had done, he could never undo them. The loved ones he had lost, he could never get back... And worst of all, he could never change himself. He could never regain control, therefore he could never forge another relationship... No friends, no family, no acquaintances... Not even a regular pizza delivery guy! It was just too dangerous, and never worth the risk. He should never have left the house, especially such dangerous circumstances! He ought to have known better... Him, of all people! Now he had got himself into this predicament, and no escape was visible. All that was left for him to do was hope that Charlie would come to accept the fact that he was exactly what he had appeared to be those few fateful minutes before... A psychopathic killer. The type that, when he comes at you, you shoot to kill. Or in her case, stab.

I stared at him, suddenly feeling a slight edge to his voice that wasn't there before. He didn't agree with my answer, I knew. But I wasn't going to back down just yet. I quickly pushed myself to my feet, watching him turn his back on me before slowly bending down at picking up the knife into my palm. My fingers curled around the wooden handle now in my grasp and I straightened up, my eyes flicking back to his retreating figure. His words haunted through my head until I felt a stab of rage in my chest, and my heart punching at my ribcage. Simply looking and holding that knife in my hand seemed to anger me enough to scare even myself, and I just wondered how he'd managed to have it in his possession for so long and still stay sane... Well, he didn't, he couldn't stay sane, I realised with a jolt. Otherwise he wouldn't have given me the knife in the first place. Glancing back up to him as he began to walk away from me, I felt my eyebrows pull together into an angry frown as I felt myself speeding towards him and skidding to a stop in his path. It was strange, as I could never actually remember moving there in the first place; it was like my feet had minds of their own. "Hey" I said snapped to get his attention, hlding the knife tightly in my palm. "I don't care what you do to me, Kougu. I don't care what you try on me. If you threaten me, I can run, or scream. I will hand myself into those policemen if I have to. But one thing I will not...repeat not do, is be found with this in my posession" I lifted the knife in my fingers, showing it to him clearly. I looked him right in the eye sternly, hoping he would take me seriously. I wasn't going to use that...that thing even if it put me in danger. Stealing was one thing, but I refused to use what he'd given me to maim or kill, even him...especially him. It just wasn't me. "If you wanted to kill me, you would have done it as soon as I'd set foot in your house, if not before. I may regret saying this, but I do trust you. No matter how much you might not like it" I added, dropping my hand holding the knife to my side. Now with any luck, he'd listen, Just this once. Someone would listen to me. I would soon find out.

Kougu spun around as she called his name, his dark eyes almost showing his thoughts for the briefest of moments before he slid the shutters over the windows to his soul with a single blink. He stood and listened without objection as she began to speak. His facial muscles twitched slightly as she used his name, but once again his expression was unreadable. His jaw was clenched as he heard her out, the only sign of any sort of reaction to what she as saying. When she had finished, he took the knife from her without a word. He ran his fingers over it for a moment, then threw it with the speed of a striking snake. The blade shot away from him like a dart toward a dartboard. Before it had even reached its destination, Kougu turned and began to walk away. The blade moved with such sheer force and speed that it pierced the wall on the opposite side of alleyway, embedding itself between two bricks and leaving the smallest of cracks in the wall. At first glance, it seemed that his throwing the knife had been utterly pointless... Yet if one was to look closer, it told a completely different story. A single silvery stride of spider web drifted slowly through the air away from the knife, while the butterfly it had imprisoned moments before fluttered away to freedom. If one was no notice these seemingly pointless, minute details, Kougu's message may have seemed clear. Then again, everything he said or did seemed to be in some way encrypted... It was as though his eyes word had no meaning, and that to find it one had to read between the lines. Apparently this time, he had decided that actions spoke louder than words. Charlie was underestimating him. No matter how stubbornly he refused to embrace his skills, he could never deny the fact that he had them... No matter how many times he refused to use them, he knew that there would always be situations that would force him to use everything he knew and more. He had trained his entire life for one thing... If only he had known that one thing would end up being turning himself into a killing machine, he would have abandoned his attempts before he even began. Kougu uttered a low growl under his breath, kicking savagely at a rock in his path. There were very few things that could make him angry... Yet whenever that man entered his thoughts, the only thing he felt more than his burning anger was ice cold hatred. He would not let that man have his way again. Not now, not ever. He felt bad to abandon Charlie, and perhaps put her at risk of being caught and imprisoned, but what other choice did he have? He would not put her life at risk... He could not... For despite his best efforts, he had come to care about her. Indeed, she was the closest thing he had found to a friend since- Kougu shook his head and pressed on as the painful memories clawed at his heart. Would they never go away...?

It wasn't the fact that he'd thrown the knife that scared me, it was the power and force he'd put into the throw to make it dig into the wall behind us that really made me cringe. He was changing, although I had know idea what he was changing into. Was it my tone of voice that had frustrated him, or was it the words that I'd chosen? Whatever it was, it'd got to him. And () by the looks of things, when something go to him enough he had enough strength to cause an earthquake. Well, perhaps that was an overstatement, but he sure looked capable of causing damage beyond murder. So why wasn't I afraid? Any wiser person would have turned and ran as soon as they heard the knife hit the crack in the wall. They would have taken it as a warning for what would happen if they decided to hang around for to long. They would have rushed home in a millisecond and locked the door behind them, erasing their brain of all memories of who they'd met and what had happened. But anyone who knew me knew fair well that I was far from wise. Instead, I rushed after him again, standing my ground and stood firmly back in his path. He wasn't going to just walk away from me, not now. "Hey...wait a minute!" I snapped, looking up at him with stern eyes. "So, what... that's it? Your just going to walk away like you never even knew me?" I demanded, my voice suddenly irratable. I had to know what his problem was, whether it was something I'd done, or the police, or the law... If I didn't find it out now it would haunt me forever, that is unless I saw him again. And, by the look of his house, which seemed like he spent most of his time cooped up inside anyway, it would be near impossible. "What is it with you, don't you trust me? Is that what this is all about?" I stopped myself, realising all I'd said to him were questions. But if he refused to answer me now, there'd be plenty more where they came from. I didn't like his body language now; it seemed tense and unpredictable. Like he could spin round, wrap his fingers around my neck and squeeze the life out of me if he so pleased. But I wouldn't let that stop me. Not yet.

"It's for your own safety." Kougu replied, shrugging and dropping his gaze. "Besides, I don't exactly know you, do I?" He asked, though a faint chuckle escape his lips with these words. That was not true, and he knew it. At least, no to him. It may only have been a day, but he already knew that he would be willing to give his life for Charlie. Then again, he was the sort of person who would give his life for a stranger on the street... Or a butterfly caught in a web. It was simply the way he was... But that aside, he did feel that he knew her. That he cared for her, if just a little... Unfortunately, a little was already too much. After all, look what it had brought. "I do trust you." Kougu informed her, his voice holding its characteristic complete sincerity, as though he was swearing an eternal oath. "It is myself that I don't trust." He concluded darkly, his voice unchanging. "You would do well to follow my example." He finished shortly, stepping aside and walking past her. Yet there was something strange about his escape methods... Something perhaps too strange. If he had truly wanted to evade her, he would have done so. As it was, all he was doing was walking. Why, even he did not know. He wanted her to be safe, he knew he wanted that... And he knew he couldn't bear the thought of injuring her. Yet at the same time, he did not want to be alone again... Cooped up in the empty house, with the echoes of those screams ringing through his head... And that door... Blocking from site the room. He knew that nothing had changed since that night. He had left it exactly as he had found it to remind himself of what he was, and what had happened. What would happen again if he got too careless... Yet it had happened again, thus leaving him with nothing, his world completely empty. He would give anything in the world to take it all back... If only he had something to give. Kougu walked on for a few more strides, his footsteps ringing out in the damp, deserted alleyway. The echoes bounced around for a moment after he had stopped moving, and Kougu stood still, his eyes downcast. Just what was he trying to achieve...? If he wasn't trying to get away, why did h keep walking? Why did he keep turning his back on her? Was he afraid? Ashamed? Surely both, and many other things to boot... Why, then, did he not leave? He sighed softly, then slowly turned to face her. If he was not going to leave, then he would have to stay. It was simply illogical to try and choose something in between... It was like the difference between good and evil. There was nothing in between. No matter how many times it was said to be false, Kougu knew this fact to be true... Then again, can something truly be fact if it cannot be proven? Kougu cast the topic aside and brought his attention back to Charlie. "Why do you object?" He asked quietly, fixing her with a direct gaze, the expression in his dark eyes clearly indicating that he expected an answer, and an honest one at that. "If I choose to go my own way now, what is it to you? Why should you not do the same, knowing that my company may end up being your demise?" He asked softly. The truth was, he did not expect a direct answer. In fact, he doubted she even had one. His observations told him that she had not thought this through, thus she did not even know herself. Unless he was mistaken, this was one question she would be unable to answer. Still, he looked forward to seeing her reaction. It would be most fascinating... After all, he was certain that she was the sort of person who recognises an unanswerable question when it is launched at her, and one who would recognise it as an evasive tactic... Yes, this would be most interesting indeed.

Now, that really did stab me more than any knife could have done a thousand times. Those few chosen words, so simple, seemed to bring more fury than hurt to my already wounded heart as I watched his laugh appear from his lips, more bitter and more humourless than he probably thought it was. I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat, and I had a really sickly feeling that i was going to cry. I never cried. Never. Not since the accident those few months ago. It seemed like years now, and I came to wondering, what would dad think to what the family had come of now? Mum showing no appreciation and dumping all the financial problems on me, whilst putting her own self at risk anyway, whether it's setting the house on fire, drawing her own blood, or even walking into the middle of a motorway. If I didn't know any better, I'd have said she was almost as bad as my friend Kougu over here. But of course, after what he'd just said to me then, I realised he was much worse. What with his poisoned words and his obsessive use of weapons... Was this what my old friends felt like when I went mad after the crash? Is this how much they really hurt? I'd never actually felt like this in such a long time, it felt horrible. I watched his shoulder brush past my arm and waited...waited for him to turn around and speak. But he didn't. He kept walking. My heart sank for a moment, until I quickly forced it away again. I wasn't going to let him destroy me now. I'd survived this long without him I could do it again. I stormed over to where the knife had landed, yanking it angrily from it's crack in the wall and bent down to pick up the small box I'd left by the corner on the floor, before he'd began to storm off in the first place. Why did he keep runing from me? was it just me that bothered him? He still hadn't answered my question. And that laugh...that light chuckle that seemed to hurt more just because he'd added it onto those horrible words. 'I don't exactly know you, do I?' Well, that was what I got for believing he was different. For believing he wasn't like everyone else, who seemed to befriend me then get bored after just half a day with me. Then I'm alone, waiting for the next person to come along and pretend to care. I muttered angrily to myself, forcing the tears pricking at my eyes and straightened up, just to see him turning back to me. Hope rushed through my veins for a moment, waiting for him to speak. I thought for a moment as his words rang through my ears. Why had I cared that he was going? Why did I object? I didn't even know myself. I shrugged helplessly, not taking my eyes off his. "I don't know" I said honestly. "I guess...I just don't want you to leave me, like everyone else. It's happened so many times, I just... I really didn't want it to happen again" my voice shook with emotion although I was trying my best not to show it. I swallowed, not forcing my eyes away from his. I'd never said that to anyone before. Well, it relieved me now I had.

Kougu felt an unexpected rush of panic as he saw that she had retreated away from him, back to where he had left the knife.... Why, why was he so alarmed by the prospect of her leaving, when that was what he had wanted all along? That was the reason he had pushed here away. Why, then- But wait, she was speaking now... She was answering his question. He had to pay attention. Kougu felt a stab of empathy at her words, so intense that it struck him like physical pain, causing him to intake a sharp gasp of breath. He held it for a moment, feeling the emotion he could hear hidden within her words coursing through his own body. It hurt... For a moment, Kougu thought he was suffocating. Black dots were obscuring his vision before he finally realised that he had simply forgotten to release his breath. He let it slide out slowly, dropping his eyes for fear that this surge of emotion would be too much to hide. Empathy... Something he so seldom felt... Yet now it engulfed him completely. She was the same. Kougu stayed still and silent a moment, frozen in place by the shock of his own reaction. Finally, he overcame it, releasing a soft sigh before stepping hesitantly toward her. He was glad of the loud echoes of his footsteps this time, for they masked the pounding of his heart. The distance between them seemed unbreachable, and each step he took felt like i was taking him further away rather than closer... Then suddenly, he was there, with just the last few steps between them. He walked right up to her, then paused. Slowly, Kougu raised his arm, and for a moment it seemed he was considering placing a hand on her shoulder. Then his muscles tensed and a shudder ran though his body. He quickly rethought his foolishly impulsive decision, dropping his arm and stepping back into his comfort zone, standing strangely far away by the standards of society, yet lingering on the edge by his own standards. He glanced away awkwardly, then forced himself to raise his dark eyes and locked his gaze upon her. His face was gentle, perhaps too gentle... It seemed to almost bring to light the fact that his cold demeanour, his hurtful words and infuriating actions... That all had been intentional. That he had been trying to drive her away... Yet now he stood before her, his usual kind self, and his intentions had not changed. He took a deep breath, steeling himself, then began. "I am sorry." He murmured softly, "I really am... But surely now you must understand. I am the same." His facial muscles twitched slightly as the final word left his lips, indicating that some form of emotion was going through his mind, yet his pale features gave no hint as to what it might be. He paused for a brief moment, then continued, "You want me to stay for the same reason I know I must leave... Now. Before it's too late..." He trailed off again, then dropped his gaze, staying silent. For a while it seemed he might be done speaking, but then he seemed to find some hidden courage to go on, "I don't want to be left either. But the only way for me to be sure I can achieve that is to leave myself. I'd rather have somebody leave, hating me, never wanting to see me again than have them go where I can never follow, knowing all along that I could have prevented it, if I had only been selfless enough to-" Kougu broke off suddenly, his eyes widening in shock for a moment as he realised how much he had spoken. "Never mind. You don't want to know all this. Just so long as you understand..." He muttered, his tone suddenly somewhat colder and less personal. "I should leave now." he concluded firmly, his tone making him seem distant and aloof. Though despite his firm words, he made no effort to turn away. His body was unresponsive. Not for the first time, he found himself in two minds... Torn between wanting to make her happy, and wanting to keep her safe... Creating once again the illusion of false hope that maybe this time it could be different.

I felt my cheeks flush slightly at his reaction, as I was still feeling the slight embarrassment of my confession even after a minute or so after saying it. I wasn't used to expressing my feelings so much, especially in front of strangers. Although, thinking about it, he wasn't really a stranger any more, now that I realised how much I knew him. But yet, it still seemed like I didn't know enough. He was hiding something from me, something that he probably thought didn't matter because I knew enough to him. Admittedly, both of us had secrets. I still hadn't revealed the contents of that box, which I was intending to do. That is, if he didn't throw me out of his house, or run away from me again. He didn't look like he was going to any time soon, but then again, he was unpredictable, and that would never change. That, I knew for certain. I cocked my head slightly in confusion, sometimes reminding people of a curious puppy, and wrinkled my brow. His words made no sense to me, but I wasn't going to admit it. He'd not spoken so meaningfully ever since that speech back at his house informing me of how long I had before I passed out. But these words, although I didn't know what they meant, seemed far more emotionally meaningful than anything I'd heard him say before. 'I am the same...' what was that supposed to mean? I stared at him, listening intently to what he had to say next. 'I must leave, before it's too late'. But I couldn't let him leave, to fade from my life forever. Just because he was scared he'd turn psycho in front of me. I could protect myself, or I would run if I had to. But he couldn't let his fears stop me from seeing him. We were becoming friends now...acquaintances, if not that. Surely he found it difficult to be able to turn his back on me now. But as he carried on, I realised it was just as painful for him, but he felt he had to. Just in order to be sure that I was safe. But how on earth could that work? Safety had never been a problem for me, personally, as I had learnt to be able to protect myself. But as I looked closer into his honest, yet almost completely emotionless expression, I realised he was hurting too. And not just from the gash on his neck. He honestly thought he was doing the right thing. "Kougu, don't leave. I can look after myself, I have done for most of my life. You've seen me.” I took a deep breath, letting my eyes closed to try and put the words together. “But what I can't do with is having more people pretending to care about me then throwing it all in my face." I sighed, opening my eyes and quickly drawing them away from him. "I just want a true friend who I know won't do that to me again..." I slipped my hand into my pockets, shaking my head. "Forget it. Your right, I don't understand you. But you can't exactly speak yourself. You know no more about me than the fact that I'm running from the police with a little box containing a stolen possession. But am I really that worthless to you that your prepared to turn your back on me so easily?” Now I had my eyes set on his, wide and glassy with tears threatening to run down my cheeks. I couldn't cry, not even in front of Kougu. I couldn't...I I just couldn't...

(Okay, long, but bleh! It's taken me all day to attempt to write eet o_0)

"I said that I should leave, not that I was going to." Kougu muttered grudgingly, dropping his gaze to the ground and clenching his jaw in obvious annoyance, if not fury, with himself regarding the obvious outcome of his decision. He sighed suddenly, forsaking the regret almost instantly and letting the corners of his lips creep up slightly in a half smile as he gave a small shrug. He finally raised his eyes to her again, his face slipping back into a serious expression instantly. He could see tears welling up in her eyes now, and the sight acted as a dagger twisting in his heart. His fingers twitched involuntarily as the pain darted through him. The awful knowledge that he had caused that pain, yet still failed to accomplish his goal, was spreading through him, threatening to engulf him and push him back into an abyss of depression. Guilt. Cold, hard guilt... He had never been able to cope with it. That was why he had always done his best to be a good person. He had never failed to complete a good deed when the opportunity arose... Even more so after that incident had occurred. That was why it was so cruel, so unbelievably cruel... But that was not the problem. Not not... He could not let himself think about it. He could not afford to break down. Kougu took a steadying breath to calm himself. As his muscles relaxed, he was aware of his left hand bumping softly against his leg. Only then did he realise that his fingers had begun to edge toward the knife protruding from the wall. That simply proved what he already knew: He had to keep his thoughts on the track they belonged. If they strayed too much, he was done for. Yet he could not bear the thought of his existence coming to a close before he had purged the world of that one great evil... The man who had done this to him... The only family he had left. Kougu bit back a growl of frustration as he felt the tremblings of emotion running through his limbs. Despite what he had just told himself, he had let his thoughts get away again! That settled it, then. Time to concentrate on Charlie. His eyes flicked back to her, his focus suddenly absolute and his expression offering no clue to the internal struggle he had undergone moments before. "You may be right that I don't know that much about you..." Kougu began slowly, speaking each word carefully as though he was attempting to calculate the correct response, "But I think I understand you better than you think..." He paused for a moment, then began explaining in a factual, informative voice, almost as though he was reciting some form of textbook he had read a dozen times, "You have lost everything. You're lonely, but you dare not forge new relationships for fear of yet another betrayal. Every time you think you can trust somebody, they turn their back on you, and leave you all alone all over again. Your life is falling apart, and while you do your best to hold it together, you feel that you might lose yourself in the process. At the end of the day, all you want to know is that there is some reason for you to go through all this, yet you are never able to find one, because there simply doesn't seem to be one. Then you curl up all alone and pray with the last of your hope for some miracle to break the cycle, only to wake up knowing that nothing has changed, and have to start all over again." He lapsed into silence instantly, ending his emotionless monotone. "Unless I'm mistaken..." Kougu added with a slight shrug.

I kept my eyes cast to the floor as I tried to force the tears back, I felt rediculous. Besides, what was I crying over? Kougu? Or the fact that I was going to loose my first friend since I left school? I swallowed violently, wiping my eyes quickly before the atmosphere became too tense. I couldn't stand awkward silences, although next to Kougu every silence felt like an awkward silence. When he was being thoughtful, I was wondering what I could do to stop the silence ringing through my ears like a constant alarm clock. Well, that was what I got for befriending someone so different to me. We were practically opposites. He was clever, in some ways. I was only half-educated, and even then I hadn't really paid much attention. I'd pay for that later in life. I looked up at him, suddenly realising that he'd taken into account that I was crying, and a good thing too, I thought to myself. I was sobbing over him, so he'd better have felt something. I never expressed my feelings for nothing, if at all. My eyes flicked down to his fingers, slowly inching to the knife I had held loosely in my hand, and shifted awkwardly away from them, nervous that if I stood too close, he'd find some way on taking the knife from me. Then there'd be trouble. But to my slight relief, he's quickly forced his hand to retreat before he could let them go too far towards me, and I let out a long, relieved breath. What went around his head, I had no idea. But what I now knew, there were two sides to him. His sane side, where he had complete control and attention on himself and those around him. This would have been the side he'd been in when we'd first met. But then there was his insane side; the side that he'd slipped into when I'd alarmed him by grabbing his hand and he'd gone and attempted to kill the policeman. The only problem with having such different and dangerous sides to him, was the fact that they were so easy to switch from one to the other. He'd have to fight himself not to attack me when I antagonized him, after he'd angered me in the first place. I relaxed slightly, before he bega to speak. By the sound of his informative tone I had an inrritating feeling that I wouldn't understand a word of it...again. But to my suprise, I understood it perfectly. Every word of it. He was talking about me. I stared in shock as he described every detail he knew about me, everything there was to know about me, and frowned. That was practically perfect. Well okay, maybe I had underestimated his intelegence. He seemed to know more about me than I even thought there was to know about me. "That's not true!" I said, weakly, looking away from him. "I wasn't betrayed...just, abandoned after about a day..." I shrugged, sniffing again. But this time it was to drain the tears from my face, as I was done with them. "Okay I was betrayed! I haven't had a true friend like you since I left school. There, I said it" I slumped my shoulders, defeated. That told me. "Okay, I admit, I don't know that much about you. But you barely speak anyway...not that that's a bad thing" I said in a slight hurry. Perhaps I should have just stopped talking there and then, as I could tell I was going to speak a load of nonsense he didn't want to hear. Then his first response repeated itself in my head, and I suddenly looked up, my brow wrinkled in curiosity. "Hang on, so your not leaving?" My heart filled with a sudden rush of hope, perhaps a bit too much. If he said he was going to so what he should have done, leave me to get home on my own, it was enough to break me. I was sick of feeling broken. Well, he should know that by now. He knew everything else there was to know about me, and how long had we known each other...five hours?

Kougu watched Charlie with complete attention, studying her and noting every change in her voice tone, body language and facial expression. He had long since learned that you could gain more information from listening to what a person didn't say, than from listening to what they did. Still, she was not a stranger or an enemy, but something basically unique. She was, dare he think it, his friend. If that was the case, he ought to listen to what she had to say instead of using the twisted skills he had learned to get inside her head. Would it be so hard just to hold a normal conversation...? Perhaps. But it would not kill him, so it was worth a try. Kougu shifted his attention to her words and instantly he felt an amused smile creep to his lips. The way she was denying his words, then finally admitting to them was so completely typical, yet in some way, so very different. In some small way, he found it endearing. "It isn't your fault that you don't know me." Kougu assured her, a gentle smile curving his lips, "You couldn't have known, because I had planned it this way." He concluded simply, the smile still lingering on his face, softening his expression to show a little of his true nature: The honesty, innocence and gentility that would have ruled his actions had his fate not been twisted so horribly. "And no, I am not leaving. That is, not yet." Kougu assured her calmly. He watched her for a moment, his pleasant expression unchanging, then his face slipped into a frown and his tone because more serious. "That being said, I stand by what I said before. If I am to initiate this compromise, then precautions must be taken." He stated firmly, his relaxed muscles tensing up as he began to pace. "Firstly, I ought to explain to you exactly what is going on." He informed her, seeming not to realise what he was saying until a moment after he had said it. He came to a standstill, a confused frown crossing his face. He then turned considering eyes on her and looked her up and down for a moment, as though he was sizing up an opponent. "Okay..." He began thoughtfully, cupping his hand on his chin as he thought, then pointing his finger at her as he concluded his calculations. "Okay, scrap that plan." He stated decidedly, then resumed pacing and began adding to his list in a tone almost like that of an army general assigning positions to his soldiers. "Secondly, we need to get somewhere safe. Ideally, I would just walk you home, but if you disagree, then perhaps we ought to return to my father's house. That would also solve our third issue, which would be to make sure we don't let me get anywhere close to other people. Fourth, I'll need to test your self defence and assign you the appropriate defensive weapon for if the worst should happen. This would also include briefing you on the actions you ought to take in a worst case scenario. Lastly..." Kougu broke off, glancing around thoughtfully, then turned and stared at Charlie with a puzzled expression. "Actually, that was the last one..." He informed her, seemingly bewildered by the fact that he had made such a blunder in his plans. He uttered a slight chuckle as he realised how strange he must have sounded, then shrugged and let his tense expression soften slightly in vague amusement.

I had to admit, he was much cleverer than he looked. And honestly, once he'd got over that phase that made me want to hit him, he was alright. He wasn't too soppy, too apollogetic, or too in my face. That is, if he ever was in anyone's face, a fact I now guessed was practically impossible regarding how much he cared about his own personal space, especially back there when I'd grabbed his hand without any warning. That was a mistake. I shifted my weight onto one foot and watched him pacing about, and got to wondering; where did he learn to think so much, or get such leader-type gestures? The way he moved, the way he walked, how he seemed to run his hand throughtfully through his hair, uncaring on how it would be sculpted by his fingers or whether it stuck up too much at the front like all the boys at school used to worry about. It was as if he didn't care about his looks really at all. But where did his looks come from? Then when I heard the word 'father', my head jolted upright. He had a father? What was I thinking, of course he had a father! But he'd only now just mentioned him, or any member of his family, really. It shouldn't have done, but that made me even more curious than I had been before about him. I was about to stop him and demand for more on his untold family, but he continued speaking. Something about returning to his father's house...returning! Ah...so did he mean the house we'd been to before was actually owned by his father? I quickly shook myself, why was I so bothered anyway? As he spoke, I listened with a slightly puzzled frown and slipped my fingers into my dark jean pockets. What he was saying didn't make sense. So, he wanted me to know a certain amount of self defence, so he could arm me with some sort of weapon, but why? Where did he think we were going, an army base? It was strange, I could have sworn I'd told him I'd run away if I had to, but I refused to touch him with a knife, or any other harmful object. Even if he threatened to kill me. How many times had I told him that? I guess he just didn't believe me, but yet I was always told I had an innocent face. Wasn't that enough to make him believe me? I sighed, listening to his voice ringing in my ears, not that I was really listening to too much of it. More like, picking out key words and putting them together in my own time, deciding myself of what the meaning of them together would be. Kind of like learning French back at school. Yes, very like learning French at school. I smiled at the thought, my eyes glistening innocently up at his and suddenly felt extremely blonde. I liked being blonde, although sometimes it angered me, as it made me feel stupid. But just this once, I had a clever educated boy on my side. And he was smiling too, for some reason. Why was he smiling again? After a few moments of thought, I snapped back to reality and blinked a few times, my attention now completely back on Kougu. A good thing too, he looked like he was talking about something serious. "Okay..." I started, nodding slowly. "But hang on, rewind. What's with the self defence? Are we talking about you, or someone else? because I already told you, I can always just run away if I have to..." I wrinkled my brow in thought, trying to replay his words in my head. It should have made sense to me, but it just seemed to sound odd in my head. He wanted to check my self defence? Well, I'd had a couple of free boxing lessons with school but that was about it. I wouldn't be able to hit anyone hard enough in the head to knock them out or kick them hard enough in the crotch for it to actually hurt. A blow to the cheek or a quick thump in the chest but not enough to cause anything other than mild bruising. I just hoped his expectations of me weren't too high. Otherwise he'd have some disappointment awaiting him back home.

“Yes, self defense.” Kougu repeated pleasantly, tilting his head to the side slightly and regarding her with an expression of mild interest. An adventurous lock of hair slipped out of place and fell down in front of his eyes, catching the light and gleaming like a feather of a crow. Kougu straightened his head again and shook it back so as to allow his dark blue eyes to observe her without distraction. “And yes, I do mean that you ought to defend yourself against me.” He reiterated patiently, still considering her with a thoughtful expression. He took a deep breath and released it with a sigh, then went on in a cautious tone, choosing his words carefully. “Though I hate to admit it, I may have lead you astray at first… Though in my defense, I had not anticipated that you would remain in my company so long. Still, that is not the point. The point is…” Kougu trailed off, a confused expression crossing his face. “The point is-“ He repeated, then frowned as he found himself at a loss for words once again. “Clearly I cannot explain this…” Kougu muttered in a disgruntled tone, “Perhaps I ought to demonstrate… In cases like these, I find actions speak louder than words.” He concluded with a tense smile. He held out his hand toward the knife in her grasp. “May I?” He asked, opening his palm and holding it ready to grasp the knife. His dark eyes were locked on her face with an intent gaze, waiting, apparently with some anxiety, for her response. “Don’t worry, I don’t believe I will be the cause of any immediate danger in this situation.” He assured her, his frown fading into the closest thing he could find to a comforting smile. The sun was fading fast from the sky now, casting a gilded glow over him and flashing his blue eyes to a deep red as the bloodstained light of the sun reflected in them. Kougu held his ground, his expression unchanging as he awaited her response. His facial muscles suddenly twitched toward a frown as he seemed to consider something, then he let his tense muscles relax just a little. At the same moment, some sort of invisible veil hiding the thought and emotion from his eyes seemed to lift, suddenly making him so easily readable; it was as though he was a different person altogether. Kougu had always been extremely expressive, certainly too much so for what he had been born to do… To make things worse, his deep, soulful eyes tended to show his every emotion. He had trained long and hard to gain the hiding skills he had now. Perhaps that was why it was so hard to let down his defenses, if even for a moment. It was only with a Herculean effort that he managed to keep himself from cringing as he imagined the punishment he would have received if he had done this during his training… Finally, he forced himself to raise his gaze to Charlie’s, feeling somewhat vulnerable and unprotected as he made his sincerity apparent in his gaze, proving that his intentions were purely innocent. The change was so subtle that he doubted she would even notice it, but it ought to cause her to become more inclined to trust him, at least in her subconscious mind. He did not want her trust… But he had to earn it just for this moment… Just so that he could show her what he was capable of, thus helping her to understand exactly what she was up against, and why she would need to go to such extreme measures with self-defense.

Ah, so he was talking about himself. I knew that. I cleared my throat awkwardly, studying his eyes as they glimmered red under the sun's rays in complete fascination. It was like staring into a blood-thirsty vampire, almost. He definitely had that pale, unwell look to his face, and yet the boldness and intelligence showing clearly in his eyes that stopped me from seeing him as a complete moron in the way I'd first been tempted to judge him by, when he'd first helped me on the street. Now I'd got to know him, vaguely still, but get to know him a slight bit more, I realised there was far more to him than what first meets the eye. It wasn't a hard judgement to take wrongly, as he hardly looked like the intelligent type, with his long shaggy messed up hair and tall, willowy figure. Then the nerves he showed when first in your company, the way he knotted his fingers together and kept his eyes to the ground the first time we'd met when he was helping me, all seemed enough to feel more suspicion than what was actually needed when in his presence. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard him speak, and his hand slowly inched towards the knife in my hand. My brow wrinkled, as I was unsure of what he was intending to do. In a way, I wondered if even he knew what he was about to do, or whether he'd be able to control himself. If he was going to try and stick that thing anywhere near my body, he'd definitely have another thing coming. I cautiously flicked my gaze to our surroundings, searching for an alternative escape route in case he was to attempt to kill or stab me. But to my irritated horror, all the ways out were blocked, by either him, cars, wheely bins, or a brick wall. I winced, looking uncertainly down at the knife in my hand. Could I trust him? A little voice in my head told me there was no chance he'd be able to take it from me and actually control himself. But studying his expression, the innocence and yet complete seriousness in his tone and the way he looked at me told me I had no choice. I swallowed nervously, slowly and hesitantly twisting the knife so the blade was pressed in between my fingers, and the handle was facing him. “Okay...” I mumbled quietly, my voice barely audible behind the rush of the cars passing us just at the end of the alleyway. It was only now I'd realised how busy it actually was outside our own space. I guess I was so caught up with him attempting to kill that policeman I hadn't really thought about it. But I still remained cautious, my eyes completely fixed on him. If he was going to turn on me, my chances were limited, and I wouldn't be able to make it past the cars if he had that knife in his hand, not with the skills I'd noticed when he'd thrown it into that brick wall to the side of us. Even if I could find a way past him, I'd only have seconds of running before I'd find the blade piercing my side, or stabbing me accurately in the centre of my spine and then I'd be done for. But it was a little late now, as he now had the handle seconds away from his grasp. For the first time in my life I'd have to put all my trust in him, and hope to my heart that he wouldn't kill me.

Kougu slowly closed his fingers over the knife and gently slipped it away from her, watching the movements of reflected light on the short silver blade for a moment. He let his gaze flicker upward to her again and offered a vague smile, the stepped back and held the knife before his face, his expression completely serious, almost business-like, as he watched her. "As I was saying before, when it comes to defense, you may need to take extreme measures." Kougu began, twirling the knife between his fingers and performing a series of complex little movements, "The reason for this..." He continued haltingly, pausing for a moment as he took what appeared to be a piece of fishing gut from his pocket. He raised it and held it before his eyes, frowning slightly as he examined it, then lowered it again and slipped the end through a small hole in the end of the knife handle. He secured it there with a small knot, then grasped the end of the string and began swinging the knife in circles, barely moving his hand at all, yet somehow causing the knife to spin at a rapid speed. "The reason..." He began again, his voice slightly softer as he became caught up in his actions, "Is this." With that, he sent the knife bolting away from him, throwing it with such a quick, subtle action it would have been hard even to pick up on the movement of a finger. The knife bolted away from him, stabbing into the wall a good few meters away, the blade sinking deep into the hard brick surface. With a quick jerk of his wrist, he tugged it out using the string. The knife jerked out of the wall, some crumbling particles of clay falling around it as it twirled through the air back toward him. He caught it easily, then held it at the ready once more. He held it still a moment, then began throwing it and pulling it back again rapidly, his hand actions so subtle and smooth they were barely visible. He continued to speak at the same time, though his eyes were on the little silver blade darting back and forth at his command. "The information I am willing, or able, to give you is limited, but I can tell you this much: I have extensive training in most combative fields, including hand-to-hand, and if you don't have an extreme advantage, such as a ranged weapon, there is a strong likelihood that I would be able to harm you extensively, with or without a weapon." He paused for a moment, jerking the knife back into his hand. He caught it in his open palm without even looking, for his eyes were glued on the wall that he had just finished maiming. At first glance, it seemed that the little knife-holes were scattered at random, though if one was to look closer, it became apparent that they spelled out a single word: "Peace" He made no comment on this, but simply stroked his fingers over the worn handle of the knife for a moment before untying the string and offering it back to her. "You understand now, don't you?" He asked calmly, somewhat surprised that he was finding himself able to speak so much, and so close to a sensitive subject, without stuttering or losing his way. "I have times where I am not in control of my actions. Except during those times, I shall usually refuse to use any form of violence, no matter what the situation. During those times..." He trailed off for a moment, inching his hand forward to gesture that she should now remove the knife from his grip. "...You shoot to kill." He finished calmly, his voice dangerously soft and low. His tone offered no room for argument, which was rare for him, since he was usually quite content to submit to another's will, if just to keep the peace. Though Kougu had now explained everything, he had also left a million more questions to be answered, making it seem as though he had explained nothing at all. One thing, though, was now clear as day: There were definitely two sides to him, and it seemed as though they were completely opposite. It would have been easy to say that he simply had a split personality, but unfortunately that was not the case. It was so much more complex than that... In a way he wished he could explain it all to her, yet the logical part of his mind knew that he would take this secret to his grave.

I watched him carefully as he took the knife from me, my ribcage rising up and down with every breath I took. I could have sworn he could hear my heart thumping within my chest under the thickness of my dark hooded jumper. Even with his reassuring smile I was worried that I still couldn't completely trust him. But now he was the one with the knife, I had no choice in the matter anyway. I shuffled back a step and watched him as he pulled out some sort of fishing material and tied it to the knife. Oh God, I thought in panick. What was he going to do, launch it at me while I ran for my life? I shook myself, I was getting far too pranoid about the whole thing. But seeing him with a knife still made me uneasy, and that I couldn't help. I watched in surprise as he spun the knife in a swift and yet elegant manor and scratched at the wall opposite and could only stare in bewilderment at the fine, neat marks made on the brickwork that made even my own handwriting look untidy. And his was with a knife! I raised my eyebrows in apsalute surprise. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. Feeling my jaw drop, I kept my eyes on him, trying to find the words I could decribe for him. But there were none, with all his different moods, and all the surprises that he seemed to throw at me to try and prove how dangerous he aparently was, all he seemed to do was draw me in. Was that normal? I highly doubted it. I listened intently as he spoke and nodded, more to get the blood flowing in my head more than anything else. I just couldn't believe it. And yet, I was willing to go back to this so-called 'mad-man's' house and stay in his company, when he had a choice of at least twenty different ways on how to kill me. And I wasn't scared. Not at all. What was wrong with me?

Kougu had noted the increased speed of her heartbeat, and though he felt a sting at the apparent mistrust, he was glad of it. She was becoming aware. That was what he wanted... Yet still, she made no move to run from him? She really was a strange one after all... "Well, then..." He murmured softly, glancing awkwardly away. He found himself suddenly hesitant and uncertain now that he no longer had the knife in his hand to distract him and keep his over-thinking mind occupied to some extent. "Unless you have rethought your decision, we ought to head back. You seem capable, so I am sure we can find a suitable weapon..." He trailed off for a moment, suddenly wondering if it was perhaps strange that he should be so completely unconcerned by the prospect of selecting a weapon that was likely to incapacitate him, if not kill him. He shrugged vaguely, then turned down the alleyway and began taking what he hoped was the quickest route back to his house. His memory tended to get so hazy at times that getting lost was an everyday hazard for him. "I'm sorry for scaring you..." He said suddenly, his voice low and soft. His feet came to a standstill again, his head bowed slightly as he spoke to the floor, his back still facing her. "I just... don't want to hurt you..." He murmured, his voice coming dangerously close to cracking as the full sincerity of his apology and the remorse he felt crept into his words, disregarding his futile attempts to hide it. "I'd sooner die than hurt you." He admitted quietly, suddenly feeling glad that he was not facing her, for the pain in his expression at that moment was fully apparent. Though the words he spoke were true, the knowledge that the choice to stand by them was not in his power was almost too much for him to bear. What difference would it make when he lost the ability to think for himself...? He was being a complete fool. The risk was too great. He had known that all along... Why, then, had he acquiesced to her request? She would end up just like the rest of them, and he would end up with one more memory to haunt him. At that thought, a sudden burst of pain flashed through Kougu's mind. He instantly forgot his surroundings, clutching his head as a moan of pain escaped his lips. He dropped to his knees; the world swirling uncontrollably around him as the memories he had struggled to block out for so long engulfed his mind.

"Kougu, what are you doing?" The woman sobbed, staring up at him with terrified eyes. "Kougu, please!" She shrieked, her voice rising into hysterics as she began to scream. A cruel laugh escaped Kougu's lips as he kept the gun pointed at her head. She instantly hiccuped into silence, trembling with fear. She pulled her young daughter closer to her side, clutching desperately at the child as though to shield it from harm. A demented grin curved Kougu's lips, spreading delight and malice into his pale features as his long fingers closed on the trigger. The bullet darted from the gun and the woman dropped to the ground amidst the bellow of a gunshot that she would never hear. Blood oozed sickeningly from the hole in her head, shredded bits of brain slowly escaping through the hole in her skull. Her eyes were wide and glassy as they stared up at the ceiling, her mouth frozen in a silent scream that she could never finish. Kougu frowned, examining the gun with obvious disappointment. He shrugged and tossed it casually over his shoulder, ignoring the way it ricocheted off the wall and skidded across the fluffy white carpet. His attention was locked on the child now. The young girl, usually all smiles, seemed to sense that something was not right. With the flawless innocence of a child, she opened her mouth and screamed, dissolving into a strangled mess of sobs and tears as she cried out again and again for her mommy to make the terror go away. Only mommy did not wake her from this nightmare, and she was forsaken in the midst of her terror. Shocked into silence by the failure of her mother to come to her aid, she turned wide, horror-struck eyes to the boy staring coldly down at her. "Baba?" She questioned, blinking trustfully up at him. She held out her arms, her angelic face splitting into a smile as she suddenly recognised the boy to be her beloved older brother. The disappointment faded from Kougu's face as he saw her expression, and a malicious grin ripped his mouth so wide that the chaffed skin on his lips cracked to release crimson beads of blood. He reached into his pocket and slowly began to withdraw a weapon. The girl's face had fallen again now and her eyes were swimming. As Kougu's cruel eyes fell upon her, the child began wailing; screaming a melancholy melody to alert the mother whom would never again hear it. A sudden explosion masked the sound of the sorrowful cries as Kougu launched the grenade. Flames licked around the room for an instant as bricks were ripped from the walls and rubble soared in every direction. When the smoke finally began to clear, the grin slipped from Kougu's face to be replaced with a bewildered expression. He stared blindly at the scene around him, barely able to take it all in. Blood was smeared over every surface. Shards of bone were littered around the gory mess, and the thick crimson sludge was thicker in places were organs had exploded to blend with the litres of blood that now decorated the room. Kougu could hear his own heartbeat, feel it thumping in his throat, as he slowly raised his hands to look at them. His long, pale fingers were covered in blood. He stared at them for a long moment before they began the tremble. At the same moment, drops of clear liquid fell onto his pale palms, slicing trails through the thick coating of blood. He dropped to his knees in the middle of the room, his wide eyes gleaming red as they reflected the blood that dripped sickeningly from every surface. He did not even feel the pain of his own body having been partially ripped apart by the explosion, for the pain in his heart was too great as reality slowly hit him. From the moment of his birth, he had been denied the innocent denial and inability to understand that every child ought to have. Though he was clearly too young to know what had just happened, Kougu understood completely. There was no denying it. He knelt there in silence, tears streaming from his face to mingle with the gory remains of his family, the deeper pools of blood still bubbling and gurgling sickeningly from the heat of the explosion.

Kougu forced his eyes open, finding himself kneeling in a cold, empty alleyway. A cold sweat had broken out on his face and he was panting, his heart beating so violently it was as though it was trying to escape his chest. Chills scuttled down his spine, causing him to shiver feverishly. It took a few moments before he remembered that Charlie was there, and he suddenly felt an urgent need to steady himself. He took a gulp of air, but only erupted into coughs as he began to choke on it. His breathing was still shallow when the coughing fit subsided, yet Kougu felt himself gradually steadying now, yet he did not yet trust his trembling legs to hold him. Just one more moment... If he stayed on the ground too long, he would not be able to pass this off as a trip. Then again, he had no idea how long he had been down for... Besides, Charlie was no idiot. He would have to come up with a better excuse than that...

I stared at him for a moment longer, studying his unreadable expression with a speck of confusion. He must have been thinking about something, and I was desperate to know what. His words seemed to fly right over my head as I felt my brow wrinkle, almost tempted to place my hand on his shoulder like he had tried to do with me, but he'd stopped himself and clenched his fist as if there was some force on my body drawing him away, and he was trying to fight it but it was too strong. The gesture reminded me of a huge magnet, and the pin was trying so hard to be attracted to the huge metal lump that was simply repelling it's force, pushing it away from it's target, which in this case, was me. But sometimes it felt like the complete reverse, and I was the small innocent iron nail, trying to get close to my target, but every time I got to a certain point, although it wasn't always necessarily Kougu, I found myself being forced back severa steps and realise how much a waste of time the whole exercise had been. I was sick of it. Sick of being pushed away, denied my right on this world. A waste of space; a waste of time. I'd tried to look for a reason to carry on living on this earth, as it obviously didn't want me, but the only reason I could think of was my mother. If I threw my own life away, I would be foolishly leaving her to let herself fade away into nothing, as she wouldn't be able to cope without me, no matter how many times she chose to deny it. I would happily throw myself off a tall building if I knew she could help herself, but that was one thing I knew would never happen again. She was too deeply wounded, nothing would be able to heal her now. Letting out a long sigh, I snapped back to reality just to hear him say that final sentence, and I suddenly felt my bottom lip tremble slightly. He seriously thought he was going to attempt to kill me? Well, I had to admit, I still doubted whether he'd be able to stay himself for the next few hours after what I'd seen with the policeman. But still, the little voice in my head told me there was far more to him than what I'd already seen, or from what he'd confessed to my face, which wasn't much in itself. There was a quite muffling as he fell to his knees, and that painful expression he was wearing on his face told me he was remembering, a memory that seemed liek it's completely wrecked his life, and possibly completely torn his heart in two. I didn't have to know what he was thinking to know that. Puzzled, I slowly and hesitantly knelt beside him, placing a single hand on the cold gravel infront of me to keep my balance. "Hey" I whispered, watching him with a concerned frown. My hand slowly inched to his side, brushing it over his knee with the soft back of my hand. It would be as clsose as I was getting to touching him for the moment, but it was better than nothing. "You okay?" It was a stupid question, but I had to say something to kill the unknowing silence. It just made me feel worse about not knowing him properly and with the thought that he was hurting and I couldn't do a thing about it. Out of all the things in the world, that one must have been one of the worst to have to go through. And I'd been through a lot, although it seemed my friend here had gone far worse.

Kougu jerked backwards in alarm as he felt Charlie's hand brushing his knee. He scrambled away, then quickly lifted himself to his feet, refusing to look at her for fear that his expression would give him away. He had already slipped up badly... More than once. She would definitely know that he was hiding something now, and keeping secrets came so dangerously close to lying, something that he simply could never do. "I-I... S-sorry." He stuttered, barely able to form the words through the violent trembling that wracked his body. "I- I'm fine..." He mumbled, his eyes still downcast as he dusted himself off, more to stall than anything else. Finally, he raised his head, his expression perfectly composed once more, as though nothing had happened. He let his eyes dart to her face now, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "I- Uh- Sorry about that..." He mumbled, laughing nervously, "Let's just... Get back, shall we?" He offered, a faint note of urgency in his voice. His defences were low. That would mean that he could easily lose control at any moment, just as he had failed to keep the torturing memories from his mind. He stood still, watching Charlie and awaiting her response while the trembling in his limbs gradually began to dwindle, then cease altogether. Only once his mind was fully functioning once more did he realise something important that he had nearly overlooked. Her expression... The tone of her voice... She had seemed honestly concerned about him. It was almost as though she actually... Cared? That thought sent a strange sensation running through him, a tingling warmth that spread throughout his entire body. It had been so long since he had felt it to such an extent, that he had almost forgotten what it represented... He was... Happy? That realisation came as a shock, and within a moment cold dread was merging with the blood pumping through his veins. It seemed as though it had been forever and a day since anybody had showed any sincere concern for him... The last time- No, that did not matter. It was not going to happen this time. "Thank you." Kougu murmured softly, ripping himself away from his thoughts as he fixed his sincere gaze on Charlie. "Really... Thank you very much." He added, his expression seeming unexpectedly emotional for that brief moment, before he stepped past her and continued walking toward his home as though nothing had happened. The more he came to appreciate her presence, the more important it became that he should find a suitable defence for her as soon as possible. Just in case...

At his reaction I knew immediately I had done something I shouldn't have, and I raised my hands cautiously, slowly backing away from him. The way he'd retreated from my touch would probably have reminded someone who had only just met him of a cowardly dog retreating from it's master, but I knew different. Other than the fact he probably didn't want me so close to him anyway, I could take a good guess that it was merely because of his fear of hurting me, or giving some part of his life away he dreaded for me to see. But that last one was something I had been silently pleading for him to do ever since I'd seen what damage he was capable of achieving, either to human flesh or just to someone's property. This mysterous being brought curiosity to claw at my brain, and I just wished it would stop. I'd heard of the phrase 'curiosity killed the cat,' and now I was beginning to understand it's true meaning. Being too curious about Kougu, closing in on his thoughts and feelings; the memories he'd wanted to keep secret from me, would surely make him turn, or at least help in some way. I wasn't going to risk my life nosying in on someone else's business, unless they wanted me to. And looking at how Kougu was still acting around me, even now, I'd realised he just wasn't ready to reveal himself to me just yet. I was willing to accept that fact, just this once. Although I would remain so for much longer. I quickly pulled myself to my feet, scrambling aorund for te smallbox until I had it firmly within my grasp. It still worried me how he seemed troubled about something, and it felt rediculous that I was just sitting there and letting him be hurting so badly. But I was helpless, as what could I do? So I did the one thing I knew I could. I spoke. "Kougu, what's wrong?" I asked quietly with a slight speck of worry in my tone, and I just hoped he would pick it up. I was caring about him whether either of us like it or not, and there was nothing he could do about it. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, still lookig up expectantly at him as we retraced our steps towards the busy streets.

Kougu glanced over at Charlie in surprise at her words, his sharp auditory senses quickly picking up on the worry in her tone. Whether it was sincere or not, he did not know, nor did he know which he would honestly prefer. He dismissed these thoughts as he felt confusion setting in, settling his mind instead on the issue of answering her question. What's wrong? "Well..." He began hesitantly, trying to decide how much to reveal and how he should do so. "I- I just..." He took a deep breath, then tried again, "Sorry, it's just... I don't know how to explain. I seldom speak about... This." He broke off, gazing thoughtfully around as he struggled to find the right words. "I suppose the best way to put it is that there are certain memories that I cannot stand to relive, yet I am forced to do so at times. I'm sure you understand... Just how difficult it can be to have your darkest moments haunting your mind. I just don't manage to react to such things as well as most." He finished finally, offering a slight smile. "I am truly sorry you had to witness my... Shortcomings." He forced his eyes to meet her's, his expression offering a clear oath that he would make his best efforts to be stronger next time. He hated that he had made her worry, and he hated that he was still having to hide things from her... Yet he could not shake the knowledge that he was certain it would be so much worse if she knew. Well... He had told her something. It was the most he had ever spoken about himself... He slowly dropped his gaze again, and this time his dark eyes came to rest on the box in her hands. "Why did you take it?" He asked suddenly, his tone showing a simple innocent curiosity and nothing more, yet his expression was not firm, and there was a gentility in his gaze that stated that he would not insist on an answer. It was strange, really... The way humans worked. How when he was asked a personal question, he immediately felt the desire to retaliate with one of a similar sort. Perhaps that was how a social relationship was formed... Learning to understand one another's thoughts... Not calculating them, or estimating and predicting... It was a cruel thing, really... How he knew so much, yet so little... How what he knew seemed to harm him more than it helped him, and what he didn't know stole all chances of ever learning it. Yet now, just spending time with Charlie, already he felt his mind beginning to evolve. Already he could feel the gradual increase in his comfort in her presence.

((Sorry for the length - limited time and limited connection. ))

(No worries Polo, quality more than quantity )

I watched him as he spoke with great sympathy, although I didn't completely know what he was talking about. I didn't have to. He'd been through a lot, it didn't take Einstien to realise that. It was completely visible in his eyes; the hurt, the loss, the pain, despair, the hatred more in himself more than anyone else. What could he have possibly done to truly hate himself so much? He had uncontrollable mood swings in which he would even go as far as killing, yet completely without reason, and aim it at anyone, even complete strangers. Was that normal? I was completely unsure, but I highly doubted it. There weren't many people that could just change into someoen else so frequently, and yet without any form of drug or alcohol overdose. There were those people that were insane, were lacking of a conciounce or just plain mad. But I never knew of anyone who could be so...so caring and sweet the the next minute switching into a complete new person: an insane killer. But something obviously happened in his life that turned him into that, something...or someone big that had done something to him overtime and created this new boy that acted like he'd been possessed by some demon that sometimes he could fight it, then other times... "No, I do understand" I answered quietly, nodding understandably. I definately could relate to that part, as I'd been having nightmares about the accident ever since it had happened months ago. Watching my father dying every single night becomes traumatising at times, and listening to my little brother's desperate shrieks ringing through my ears, burning my brain. They were the last sounds he ever made on earth, and it was all because my father had had a bad day. It was all it took. One bad day, one car, one tree, an oncoming vehicle... Then all that was left was a family torn apart by guilt, grief and loss. Mother was still mourning, although we don't talk about it anymore. I can just tell in her eyes that she's hurting, they just look... They looked just like Kougu's in the way they showed such emotion, although the expressions always seemed blank. it might have been the exact reason why I'd been able to adapt to him at all, as I knew anyone else would probably have found it extremely dificult. But I was still learning, and I guessed I probably wouldn't stop for a long... long time yet. "You try not to look back because you daren't, because you know how much it'll hurt. But then it just appears from nowhere and you're left to watch everything come flooding back, then you're forced to face exactly what you wanted to forget" I looked down at my feet, sniffing uncomfortably. It felt strange talking like that, talking so informatively. I must have picked it up from him from listening to him talking so much. It made a change, as I was so used to speaking in slang and incorrect English. But at least we'd be able to understand each other much more. My gaze flicked to the box in my left arm, and I lifted up and cupped it in both my hands. Picking at the seal a few times, I let out a small sigh. I had to tell him. He'd told me some of his secrets, and he'd helped me, completely out of his own free will. He at least deserved some sort of explanation. "Mum and I have nothing. If I sold the contents of this box, it would pay off all our debts, get us decent clothes..." I gestured to the rips in my jeans just by the knees, "and a complete new house, with hopefully warm water and a proper heating system. A new start. But if I'm caught, not only will I be arrested, I will be fined. And I can't afford to lose any more money, for my mother's sake." I swallowed, feeling my voice suddenly shak with emotion, and I had a horrible feeling I was going to have yet another emotional outburst. I couldn't cry, I wouldn't cry. I blinked the tears back, suddenly feeling petrified; of the police, being arrested, being found out, of losing everything, finding out it was all for nothing. Was it really worth it? Well, I guess I had no choice. As the officers said to each other when I went missing, 'once a thief, always a thief'. And they were right, I was in it for life. It was too late for regrets now.

Kougu glanced at her in surprise, freezing for a moment as empathy glued his feet in place. For the count of two heartbeats he stood thus, frozen, suspended between time and space. It was the most peculiar sensation... The inconceivable relief, the burning empathy, just from that minuscule piece of knowledge: Just this once, somebody understood. It was as though she had read his mind like a book and cast off the same words in the ink of her own pen, yet they did not feel like his words, for they were her own. It was true... She honestly did understand. He had never experienced anything quite like it. In fact, for a brief moment, he felt almost... Normal. As though, somewhere, somehow, and for only that moment, he might actually fit in. The moment seemed to drag on an eternity before he finally came back to reality with a jolt, then emotion in her voice shattering his shield of thoughts like a blow from a sledgehammer. His long legs strethed out as he quickly closed the gap between them, watching her with an intense gaze, complimented by a slight concerned frown that creased the pale skin of his forehead beneath a tangled mess of silky black hair. "Your incentives are innocent and your heart is pure." He informed her, his tone firm and sincere as he spoke, his gaze unwavering as he locked his dark eyes upon her. "I will see to it myself that you suffer no consequences to these actions, for you deserve no punishment." Kougu stated, a slight hint of warmth creeping into his expression to lessen the iciness that accompanied the vicious determination in his tone. Peaceful and gentle as he may have been, Kougu was always determined to stand up for what he believed in, and his loyalty to those few who ever earned it was absolute. He would sooner endure a painful death by means of torture before he saw them so much as shed a single tear, or slice an inch of skin. Perhaps, in a way, he was too extreme, but it was one of the few things he was determined not to change, be it downfall or asset. It was a part of him, one of the few that had not been crushed... One of the few that man had accepted. Yet in the same way, the fact that it benefited him sickened Kougu, causing him to forsake it completely at times, and choose not to act at all, rather than diving in with full intensity. His lids slid down over his dark eyes, banishing the glassy sheen as he forced his wandering mind to focus yet again. "Don't worry." Kougu advised her quietly, somehow managing to summon a small smile to flash toward her for a moment, before he strode ahead and glanced over his surroundings, his demeanour suddenly cold and authoritative once more. Every time he got too close to leaving his 'shell', it seemed he would retreat even further in, distancing himself and hiding beneath the cold layer which kept him feeling safe... If only safety could forsake the company of misery and loneliness. Unfortunately, the world would never be that convenient. Not for anybody, least of all himself. "We're almost there." Kougu informed her suddenly, his voice completely toneless. He strode down the road at a brisk pace, his long legs stretching out to carry his scrawny body effortlessly, soon covering the final few meters between himself and his home.

I looked down miserably at the cold, dark gravel beneath my feet and stuffed my free hand in my hoodie pocket. It wasn't the fact that I'd said it that had brought me down, it was the fact that as I'd spoken those words, I'd actually remembered. I'd remembered the look of horror, dread and the knowing in my mother's face as the nurse gave her the grave news of my father and little brother, that made me fear the worst of what life was going to be like just as I'd watched her freeze in her seat, staring blankly at the crisp white walls opposite her. She was distraught, and more than that. She ws petrified. She knew what would happen, I could see it in her eyes. Even then I was old enough to realise what we'd be faced with, although it took me a moment to realise, it was only a few months ago. It seemed like years. I was still sixteen back then, I'd only lived the true thing once. So why did it feel like I waa reliving those few deathly moments every minute of my life? With a jolt I realised that Kougu was speaking, and I quickly blinked a few times to make our blurry surroundings come properly into view. It was like zooming in on a camera lense, although it seemed to take me much longer to recover than normally. It was like I was slowly turning into Kougu, or at least picking up a few of his habits. One of them being able to switch off completely to search through memories I sometimes even forgot were there. At his words, I forced my eyes up at him, my head twitchign into a tiny, yet firm shake. "No. Kougu please don't." I looked down, letting out a long sigh. "I've dragged you in this mess for long enough now, you're already in enouh trouble as it is. I don't know what I'd do if you were punished for doing even as much as talking to me." I didn't even know what I'd do if he found a pair of police on his doorstep to question him about me, let alone be punished. I highly doubted they'd be lucky enough to even get back out of the house alive by the time he'd done with them. He obviously wasn't too fond of policemen. I'd worked that one out well before then. "Anyway, to the papers, I'm a law-breaker. It doesn't matter why I stole things, what I'm going through. Papers are the only things that matter to them" I gestured behind us with my thumb without necissarily pointing to anyone impaticular. It was a point I had to make, as in reality, it didn't matter what Kougu thought of me. It made no difference in the policemen's points of view. To them I was a thief, and I deserved to be punished. Full stop.