Polo and Dreameh's VERY short RP. For real this time. (Mature)

Dane grinned like a naughty child getting a scolding and not really giving a crap that he'd broken some kind of rule, just knowing he did it made him feel rebelious. But in a good way. This time, he knew he wouldn't regret anything.
However, when Sloan smeared his gaze over Dane's stomach muscles, his shoulders slumped self-consciously. No one had ever looked at him to openly before, not as far as he knew, anyway. He wasn't all that sure he liked it...
He tried to cover it by rubbing his arm, but this rendered useless. Sloan just kept on looking.
"W-what're you g-getting out of-f this?" He echoed slightly nervously, clenching his jaw to keep from shuddering so obviously. It felt weird having Sloan so close, but natural at the same time. He didn't want Sloan to move away, but he really needed a wash.
Oh well, he'd just have to drag Sloan along with him.
Sloan then mentioned him looking like something from a magazine, and he looked away in embarassment. He supposed that was a compliment, saying he looked like a model or something, but he'd never thought of himself to be that good looking. Really, he barely cared about his appearance, he only had the muscles he had because they were practical. He barely even looked at them...
"They're not that big..." He murmured modestly, although he couldn't keep the grin from his face. He felt quite flattered, actually.
He could feel Sloan's hands brushing down his bare back, and his childish instincts kicked in once more. He twitched, giggled squeakily and grabbed Sloan's hands to stop them from tickling him further. Breathless, Dane bowed his head and rested his brow on Sloan's, not showing any hint of planning to kiss him, and simply closed his eyes, grinning.
"What're you getting out of this?" He muttered, his tiny voice hinting that same daring tone. "Well, obviously, you won't stink of BO!"
Grinning, he leapt backwards, yanked Sloan with him and pranced away behind the barn where the hose was waiting for him, hidden away from the rest of the world.

Sloan stubbornly ignored Dane’s discomfort, because he’d have to get over being so shy at some stage. And besides, he had started it. If he was going to flaunt that gorgeous chest of his, then Sloan was going to take it as permission to stare. Simple as that.
Dane grabbed his hands, and Sloan’s expression flickered toward a frown – almost annoyed – before Dane’s head bowed toward his, and he rested his forehead obediently against his boyfriend’s, lips forming a smile.
"What're you getting out of this? Well, obviously, you won't stink of BO!"
At these words, Sloan’s eyes flashed open, and he swung a fist in Dane’s direction – but the man had already jumped back before the punch could connect.
Just as well – because Sloan hadn’t held back.
“I just delivered a foal!” He snapped defensively, “D’you expect me to smell like a bloody rose garden?” He stalked after Dane as he complained, grumbling bitterly to himself, but by the time they reached the hosepipe, his expression still showed some hint of a smile.
“I’d take my shirt off, too…” He murmured wearily, considering the hose with a fake expression of longing, “But since the smell of me so clearly disturbs you, I’ll just stay dressed out of courtesy, and shower when I get home, like a normal person…” He gave a sickly-sweet, innocent smirk.
That’ll teach you to tease me, buddy…
He was no fool. He’d seen Dane blush back at the medic’s tent. His boyfriend had liked what he saw – no question about it…

"Exactly!" Dane shouted with a bark of laughter, turning the stiff tap until the cold water was pouring effortlessly out of the hose pipe. It had obviously bee used often for this very reason. "And I smell too. Good match."
He shot Sloan a playful grin, but his heart sank slightly when he realised he was going to be the only one washing - or getting anywhere near the hose pipe - that night. Was the washing the real reaosn he'd brought Sloan over there? He knew the man had a shower, and he could have just as easily stolen a few minutes in Sloan's shower to wash himself off. But what was the fun in that?
Shrugging, he plucked his cap off his head and tossed it carelessly onto the tarmac floor, picking up the hose, bowing his head and pouring the water over his hair.
He shuddered at the shock of the freezing water, but he held it in, trying to make a point. Once his head and neck were drenched he straightened up again and glanced at Sloan, cold droplets rolling down his neck and shoulders. "So, what, you're just gunna stand there and watch?" He teased, knowing fair well Sloan was capable of just that.
He didn't want to be the only shirtless guy of the two, especially when he was washing. It made him feel bare... Vulnerable.
"Come on, Sloan." He muttered, holding the hose pipe by his feet, end upwards like it were a spear or a long sword. "Don't be a spoilsport."
He pointed the hose at his boyfriend threateningly, raising an eyebrow. He cocked his head slightly, looking almost like a curious puppy. It was certainly a look that had got him through with Claire in the past, although that usually ended in a headlock and her knuckles scrubbing his hair... But hey, this could work, too.
"Besides... Who wants to be normal?"
His smirk darkened slightly, and he flashed the hose in Sloan's direction,just for a second, splashing cold water over the bottom of his jodphurs and boots, grinning daringly.

Sloan jumped backwards when Dane brandished the hosepipe at him, and wiggled his finger scoldingly, "Now Dane, didn't anybody ever teach you not to waste water?"
He fixed his friend with a devious smirk - standing just out of reach, and looking smugly superior.
But try as he might, he could not resist his boyfriend's adorable face.
"You act so innocent," Sloan grumbled, struggling to hide his amusement as he pulled off his shirt, "But you're really a bit of a man whore, aren't you?"
He offered a teasing smirk, and tossed his shirt aside, then stepped forward, making a 'come at me' gesture with his fingers.
It didn't occur to him that, bruised as badly as he was, a hard jet of water would hurt lke hell.
He had cuts and abrasions all down his side - and where the skin was not covered by tattoos, it was purple from bruising.
He had nearly forgotten about the fall...

Dane barked with laughter, splashing himself with the hose again, scrubbing away at his hair. "This is England, Sloan. It rains seventy-five per cent of the year, snows ten per cent and the other fifteen is spent in sunshine, but it's still cold. 'Drought' barely ever exists here and when it does, it doesn't last longer than a day."
He shot Sloan a mocking, pitiful smile and said simply, "We're not gunna run out of water."
He busied himself with washing his hair and torso as Sloan pulled off his shirt, casting a sideways glance every now and then with a knowing little smile at the fact he'd won anyway and didn't stop washing until he was shiverring and he could stop smelling the faint tang of sweat on his armpits.
At the comment of being a man-whore, Dane raised his eyebrows. He knew Sloan liked him flaunting his torso around, but that didn't make him a man-whore. Not in his eyes, anyway.
"Says the one who invited me into a pool days after we'd first met." He challenged with a smirk, finally turning to face Sloan. He tried to look at the man's well-built chest as openly as Sloan had with him, but he just didn't have the guts. Eventually he had to look away, and splashed the man with the hose as if to avenge him for making him feel that way.
However, when he noticed the bruises around the un-inked skin, he frowned. Sloan was worse in this light than he'd looked back at the show grounds. The grazes on his sides were bad, too.
Perhaps he'd have to pospone the water fight for another day, when Sloan wasn't injured for once.
"That ditch really kicked your ass, didn't it?" He mused, poking one of the bruises experimentally. He then picked up the hose and gently let the water trickle down Sloan's back. "Good thing that nurse sorted the worst out for you." Although she could have held back on the number, he thought silently.
Smirking, he leant forward, resting his chin on Sloan's shoulder and turning his lips towards his boyfriend's ear teasingly. "But hey, now I know how to get my way in the future, eh Sloan?" He chuckled quietly, still pouring the water down Sloan's back.

((Stats were totally made up,by the way XD although it does feel like that sometimes... ))

"I never said I wasn't." Sloan shot back, paying no mind to the fact that Dane was staring at him. That was the point, after all...
"I just said that you were." ((Referring to the man-whore conversation, in case you get confused. ))
Dane came over to him then, making some comment about the ditch, which only drew a grumpy growl from Sloan. He flinched away and glared when Dane poked him. It wasn't sore enough to hurt - but it was enough to irritate.
But as usual, he couldn't stay annoyed at Dane for long.
He stood quietly while Dane turned the hose on his back, and despite the cold water, he felt a certain warmth spread through him with the gentleness of the man's actions.
He could tell that Dane cared... And that was something really special.
When he felt Dane's chin on his shoulder, he didn't even mind the smug teasing. In fact, he didn't even have a snappy retort.
He tilted his head around just far enough to half-kiss Dane's neck, a tender smile looking somewhat out of place on his usually-tough face.
"Hey..." He murmured, voice just louder than a whisper, so Dane could hear him over the sound of the water.
"You'll always be able to get your way with me. I didn't stand a chance, right from the start..."
He turned to face his boyfriend, barely noticing the cold water from the hose streaming down his chest, and ran his hand fondly from Dane's head to the back of his neck.
"I know I don't say it enough..." He murmured, gaze dropping to the ground, and cheeks flushing slightly, "And I don't show it well either, but..." He forced his gaze upwards, and smiled hesitantly - looking uncomfortable with the vulnerability he was exposing himself to.
"I'm really glad we're together... I-... You mean a lot to me..."
He tried for a smile, but just chuckled uncomfortably, dropping his gaze again and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as his cheeks flushed brighter.
"And this is why I don't say it enough..." He laughed under his breath, more to himself than to Dane, "I'm hopeless."

Dane grinned, running an index finger tauntingly down Sloan's back, flicking it off at the base of his spine. "Hey, you're not supposed to tell me I'll always have my way. I might end up spoilt."
He made a noise between a laugh and a quiet 'hmm' as he smiled into Sloan's ear, refusing to back away. For some reason having their bare torsos so close to each other made him giddy. Was he dreaming? Had his plan seriously worked?
He was also surprised how easy it was to act like a boyfriend, not just with being nice. He must have learnt a few things from Sloan sub-consciously, and since they were alone there was nothing to worry about. He didn't have to worry about being seen and he trusted Sloan to tell him if he was doing something wrong, so he was free to act as whatever felt natural.
He pressed his temple up beside Sloan's in a sort of nuzzling fashion - maybe he'd been hanging around the horses too much - and looked up to meet Sloan's gaze with his own sideways glance. He began to smirk tautingly at the man, until he saw the unusual embarassment in the man's face, and stopped. Sloan never looked that vulnerable. Ever.
He shuffled around to face his boyfriend, when he ran his hand down the back of his head and down his neck. Dane was surprised with the gesture but, nevertheless, he welcomed it with a fondness that even made him start to blush again.
Then Sloan's confession came out.
At first, Dane didn't know how to react. It was as if someone had thrown a pie in his face but he couldn't remember how it had happened. He raised an eyebrow, shocked, until he saw the look on Sloan's face, the redness refusing to leave the man's cheeks even after he'd spoken. It was the cutest thing he'd ever seen.
However, he was also aware that he was shirtless and a punch would hurt more now than if he was fully dressed, so he didn't react how Claire would. He didn't stroke Sloan's strong shoulder obsessively like it was a tiny puppy, nor did he patted Sloan's cheek patronisingly like Sloan would do.
Instead, he nodded. Just nodded, and smiled, slowly knotting his fingers into the man's thick, black hair. "So am I." He agreed. "In fact, I'm really glad. I mean, it actually scares me to think where I'd be now if we'd never met, and you'd never put me through all that." He didn't need to elaborate that final line, Sloan would know what he meant.
He crept back behind Sloan, hose still in hand and wrapped his arms around the man's neck, chuckling quietly into his ear. He was half-tempted to point the tip of the hose at Sloan's face, but that might ruin the moment and he'd rather keep his chest intact for the next day of work.
"And ditto." He said simply, the smile audible in his voice. "But I have to say, you're almost as bad as me. You're face is really warm!"
Screw ruining the moment. He couldn't resist any longer.
"I can soon fix that..."
He stepped back and pointed the lightly flowing water at Sloan's face momentarily, before leaping back to avoid any attack.

((How am I writing so much? I don't get it... XD))

((*Whacks nose* Bad. ))

At Dane's nod, Sloan relaxed slightly, and managed a small smile. That was all he needed.
"So am I." Dane responded, "In fact, I'm really glad. I mean, it actually scares me to think where I'd be now if we'd never met, and you'd never put me through all that."
"What can I say?" Sloan joked - his gaze following Dane's progress as he began creeping around behind his back again, "I'm always right."
It was just as well he had found his sense of humour then - because otherwise Dane's next comment would probably have pissed him off. But as it was, he didn't care how red his face was.
He was about to tell Dane to shut up - but the moment he opened his mouth, it filled with water.
"Hey!" He exploded, swiping his arm over his face to remove the water from his mouth and eyes.
"Oh, you'll pay for that!" He snarled furiously, but he couldn't hide the amusement from his expression.
Flicking back his wet hair (And feeling rather grateful that it was finally long enough to flick again), Sloan advanced threateningly on Dane, a dark scowl on his face.
When he reached him, he slapped the hose roughly out of his hand, and tackled him against the barn wall - pinning his shoulders in place.
"Never f*ck with the face, man..." Sloan scolded, flicking a droplet of water off his eyebrow - which quirked upwards as he considered Dane, somehow curious and threatening all at once.
"Bad Dane." He joked - and then his lips were locked with Dane's.
It happened just that quickly - one minute he was scolding his boyfriend, and the very next minute, Sloan had him pinned up against the wall with the force of his kiss.
He took control, tightening his grip on Dane's shoulders, and closing the gap between them until he could nearly feel the throb of his boyfriend's heartbeat in the hair's breadth of air between their chests.
And if this pushed Dane's boundaries, so be it... He had been asking for it.
((Dude. Sloan. Control freak much? XD Poor thing, he has issues. ))

((Oh dear, Sloan. That's about as bad as Abby's 'If you do that again I'll be forced to kiss you' technique. And how many times has that worked? ))

Dane giggled like a giddy schoolgirl and turned to flee, but the wall was in his way. He was trapped.
He wheeled round, grinning deviously, his heart racing as he braced himself for whatever Sloan had in mind. He was unarmed - Sloan now had the hose - shirtless and trapped. In reality, what was the worst he could do? Point the hose at his crotch and make it look like he'd wet himself?
Still, the look on Sloan's face made him nervous, although he was still somewhat excited to find out what the man's revenge would be.
It had not been what he expected.
He fell against the brick wall, his bare back pressing against the spikey stone, just as Sloan's lips locked onto his. His eyes widened for a moment at the strong, almost forceful impact, but he'd learned to play along with this so he let himself relax slightly. Eyelids drooped, one hand resting agains the wall for support, he let his free hand slide over Sloan's cheek as he returned the kiss. It was clumsy and unpracticed as such intensity was new to him, so he simply let Sloan take the lead.
This was his punishment? Was that it?
He felt somewhat winded at having Sloan's bare chest so close to his, and eventually he had to pull back for a breath. He was panting, shiverring, but smiling nonetheless. His lips were barely inches away from Sloan's.
"I should take my shirt off more often, shouldn't I?" He chuckled breathlessly, then leant back on the wall by his shoulders and slipped his hands around the back of Sloan's neck. They wandered uncertainly around his torso until they found a comfortable spot around the small of his back and clasped his fingers together, keeping them from creeping any further.

((Poor Sloan - Dane is getting far too comfortable. XD He'll need to think up a new way to mess with his head. Haha! ))

"Why's that?" Sloan asked, smirking and narrowing his eyes like a lazy tomcat. "My boyfriend shouldn't have to take his clothes off to get my attention, you know..."
He uttered the words in a flirtatious purr, but his expression was still teasing.
He relaxed when he felt Dane's hands creeping down his back - a subtle shudder of pleasure rippling through him. He actually didn't mind being petted. Not by Dane, anyway.
On an impulse, he slipped his own arms around Dane's midriff, and welcomed him warmly into his embrace.
He relished the feeling of Dane's skin against his - warm despite the chilly evening, and the dripping water.
He couldn't believe how comfortable he was already, with his boyfriend. It was all so new to him - he was surprised that something he had thought of as wrong for such a long time could feel so right...
He gave Dane a brief peck on the cheek, then stepped back to let him move away from the wall at last.
"We should check on Lunar and the foal." He pointed out, raking his fingers through his dripping hair. "And then I need to head home and get into some dry clothes before I freeze, thanks to somebody..."

Dane blinked innocently, staring at Sloan with a wide, curious stare. "Well it worked, didn't it?" He teased, unclasping his hands and poking Sloan gently in the side. "I think it worked quite well, actually."
He accepted the kiss on the cheek and they both moved away from each other, the hose totally forgotten about. Dane was no longer cold from his wash thanks to Sloan, but he knew he'd feel it very soon.
Nodding, he brushed past Sloan with hot cheeks and snatched up his shirt, which was dusted with tiny bits of gravel, and yanked it on regardless.
"You didn't have to take your shirt off." Dane teased, turning off the tap on the hose and wrapping it around the metal bobbin screwed to the wall. "I could just as easily have yanked it off you myself."
You wanna play 'pushing boundaries'? Well, it's on!
He shot Sloan a playful grin, scrubbed his hair with his hand and reached over, doing the same to Sloan's. His hand drenched, he wiped it on Sloan's chest with a look of disgust and grinned. "You're hair's a bit wet." Was his excuse.
Shrugging, he slipped his hands in his pockets and began walking around to the yard to check on the foal.

Sloan glared after Dane, and wiped the moisture dramatically from his cheek, but by the time he followed his boyfriend to check on the foal, he was smiling already. He couldn’t help it… Dane just had that effect on him.

After making sure all was well with Lunar and the foal, Sloan bid Dane goodnight, and headed on home.

He was happy – but this was nothing new, as of recently. Since he’d started dating Dane, despite his original warnings, he had not succumbed to self mutilation even once. He had been opening up to Dane more and more as time went by, and gradually started letting him in to a part of his heart that had been boarded shut for far too long.
He didn’t like to use the word ‘love’, and he didn’t believe in ‘the one’… But with his logical, unromantic mind, he could honestly see Dane as the sort of person he’d be happy to spend the rest of his life with.
Then again, he was aware that they hadn’t been dating long. No doubt there were flaws in Dane that he didn’t know about yet – flaws that would surely irk him…
Still – he’d grown closer to Dane than he ever had to anyone before, and he knew he’d always have a soft spot for that man.
That was why he tried so hard, for Dane’s sake, not to let himself revert to the cutting.

But that night, it was like he had no other choice.
The call came shortly after midnight, just after Sloan had arrived home.
By 12:30 AM it had ended. By 1 he had a knife to his wrist, and when the time came to leave for work the following morning, Sloan was bleeding out on the bathroom floor.

This was quite unlike the times before. The cuts were deep and deliberate… But all the same, it was not a suicide attempt. Rather a certain disregard for whether or not he lived or died…
From wrist to elbow on either arm – deep, straight gashes ran up the length of Sloan’s forearms. The blood flowed freely, pooling around him on the white tiles, but he was too far from the world even to notice it.
If he wasn’t found soon, Sloan would surely bleed out and die… Perhaps it was a stroke of luck that he had forgotten to lock his front door the night before.

((Oh dear... O.o What call? Or am I not supposed to ask... ))

Dane's evening was pleasantly quiet, and in his love-strucken happiness had also cleared the trash off his bed and changed his bedsheets. By the time he was ready for bed it was almost midnight and he was glowing from head-to-toe.
He knotted himself in his duvet, cuddling his pillow and smiled to himself. He was so happy he could have kissed his pillow, but not long after his eyes had closed, he was fast asleep.
He slept well, very well, and awoke to a joyful, giddy mood, despite the mess of his small house. He dressed quickly, his cropped hair messily and spiked - his version of a bedhead - and was out of the door by 7AM.

He did all his usual chores: brought the ponies in, mucked out the stable-kept horses and filled haynets. But by 8AM, he realised, Sloan was nowhere to be found.
He poked his head out of Sasha's stable and waved to Claire. "Have you seen Sloan?" He called.
She frowned. Shook her head.
"Alright." He nodded, then pulled out his phone. He punched in Sloan's number, held the phone to his ear. No reply.
He frowned as he left the stable and jogged across the yard to the quads. When she asked him where he was going he told her he was checking to see if Sloan was okay, since he had lessons that day, and leapt onto one of the quad bikes, revved up the engine and sped out of the stables towards Sloan's house.
He got there in minutes, knocked on the door and got no reply.
Dread built upin the back of his throat like a sickening lump of bile. He was starting to see a pattern, here.
Cautiously, he crept around the back to the side window to see if Sloan was actually in, and his eyes widened in horror at the sight of the body laid out on the floor, drowning in a pool of blood.
His lips formed a scream of the man's name, but little sound came out. Gasping, he sprinted around to the back door - which had thankfully been left open - and stormed into the house.
"Sloan... Sloan!" He reached the man in seconds and knelt to his knees beside him, grabbing his shoulders and shaking them desperately. So much blood... There was so much blood...
He then reached a hand and patted Sloan's cheek roughly in attempt to wake him up. But with so much blood surrounding him, it was unlikely he'd come round until the bleeding had stopped.
In a panic, Dane grabbed the nearest towel annd wrapped it tightly around one wrist, took another and tied it around the other. Why had Sloan cut himself again? Had he not enjoyed that night when they'd kissed? Had he not been overjoyed when he saw that newborn foal finally get to it's feet, make it's first steps and have it's first mouthful of milk? Hadn't he been happy the little thing had got through alive?
Shaking his head, he tapped Sloan's face once more, to find that his own hands were drenched in blood.
He closed his eyes, resisting the temptation to throw up all over his boyfriend.
"Come on, Sloan..." He begged. But there was no use. If the man didn't wake, he'd have to call an ambulance.

((You'll see. I'm trying to build suspense. XD Haha! ))

Sloan was out cold when Dane arrived, and he didn't rouse despite the shaking, slapping and shouting. His face was gaunt and pale, and his wrists quickly began soaking the towels. The bleeding didn't stop easily...
He had been coming around occasionally since the early hours of the morning - just moments of half-conscious delirium, when he was able to grasp some awareness of his surroundings...
When it occurred again then, Sloan's unfocused eyes came to rest on Dane.
He couldn't deny he was relieved to see him, though the last thing he'd wanted was for Dane to find him in this state...
Sorry, mate...
"Hospital." He groaned weakly, his voice nothing but a hoarse whisper. His veins felt like they were on fire - dragging about what little blood was left in him. He felt weak, feverish and nauseated, and if he tried to move, it was agonizing.
His lips tried weakly to form another word, but within the space of a few seconds, he was out cold again.

((Time skipping to keep it moving. ))

Sloan regained full consciousness a few hours later, and sat up carefully in his hospital bed. He glanced beside him, and saw that he was attached to an IV drip with a bag full of blood.
Another transfusion? No wonder he was feeling better...
His eyes dropped to the bandages bound about his wrists, and he considered them with an odd sense of familiarity.
Finally, he found it in him to look at Dane.
"We need to talk." He said in a hushed voice, expression unreadable.

Dane had spent so long sat in that same hunched position, head clasped between his hands, until his backside went numb. He was tired, hungry... But there was no way he would leave Sloan. For one, he'd never seen the man get this bad with his self-harming. He never got suicidal...
He'd heard the nurse say it quietly to her colleague. 'Attempted suicide', she'd said, it was the way he'd cut himself, she'd said. Only the suicidal cut themselves lengthways, so deep, and not call for help.
They thought Sloan was suicidal...
Nibbling anxiously on his lip he looked up at his boyfriend, looking horribly peaceful face on the hospital pillow. A lock of hair skimmed his eyes, not quite long enough to caress his eyelids, and Dane leant over to brush it away.

But before he could, Sloan's eyes flickered open. Dane gave him the chance to adjust to his suroundings, when the four words he dreaded left the man's pale lips.
"We need to talk."
"Damn right we do!" Dane chuckled half-heartedly, bu the worry was evident in his eyes. The look on Sloan's face scared him. "You really scared the crap out of me this time."
He offered a light smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.
"What happened?"

"Sorry." Sloan mumbled a half-hearted apology, and mirrored Dane's smile - though his lips felt like stiff rubber. ((Shut up, Dreameh. XD )) His expression didn't change.
He sighed, and raked his fingers slowly through his hair, feeling stupid and clumsy with the tube of the IV brushing against his cheek.
He closed his eyes, and rubbed his temples for a moment, looking terribly stressed, especially considering he was usually so carefree.
"I wasn't trying to kill myself." He promised quietly - though the tone in his voice hinted that he knew he'd come close, and he didn't look particularly upset about it.
"Dane." He looked over at his boyfriend, meeting his gaze, and holding it harshly.
Best just come out with it... Tell it straight... Get it over with...
"We have to break up."
And there it was... The bomb was dropped. Inside, Sloan felt like his heart was breaking, but his expression never faltered. That was just how he was... He didn't express himself well. He didn't even know how to cry... He just couldn't.
"Let me start at the beginning..." He sighed, leaning wearily back against the wall behind his bed, and resigning himself to delivering news he had so hoped he's never have to give. Certainly not to Dane...
"I got a call last night... My old man was killed yesterday."
His expression remained neutral as he said this, showing none of the grief he felt...
"I think I mentioned it before, but he was pretty caught up in gambling - and I don't mean the legal kind. I guess he owed some people money, and when he couldn't pay it back..." Sloan trailed off. "Anyway, that's my problem. Our problem is that my mom's now all bent outta shape, and I've got to move back to America to support her and my brother. He's too young to get a decent job, and she's never really worked - so it'll take a while for them to get back on their feet..."
He looked up at Dane again, holding his gaze with that same oddly empty expression.
"Long distance relationships are just a lie kids tell each other to get laid when they go off to college." He finished harshly, "So this is it, I guess."
He shrugged, far too cavalier, as though he had just lost a video game. Pity he couldn't show Dane how it was tearing him up inside... It probably looked as though he didn't even care. If only it was that simple...

Dane had tried to be brave through the long wait in the hospital, for Sloan to wake up, for him to get answers... But This had not been what he'd expected. the minute he saw the look in Sloan's eyes when he'd looked at him, almost blankly, allarm bells rang off. He'd figured out something was wrong just in the fact that they were both there, but never had he seen Sloan look so... Emotionless.
Then the truth came, toppling down on him like a cliff of boulders to his heart.
"We have to break up."
That was it. Just like that, and it was over. No tears, no apology. Just... That. As easy as flicking off a light switch.
He didn't know how Sloan could say it so easily after the brilliant night they'd had, the water fight, the kiss... Not to mention the foal. Had he done something wrong to make the man change his mind about him? Hadn't it been just the other day Sloan had told him he could never change his mind? That Dane was the one for him? That he didn't have to worry?
What had changed?
With these questions scratching away at his fuzzy brain, he ended up missing the beginning of Sloan's explanation. He hadn't even known there would be one...
But he listened obediently to Sloan's excuses, and began to feel more and more guilty for his selfish thoughts. Of course there was a reason. It didn't stop his heart from dropping inside him at the possibility of never seing his boyfriend again.
No... Not 'boyfriend' anymore. Ex-boyfriend.
His head dropped back onto his seat in defeat. He couldn't believe how caught up he'd got with this whole thing. Sloan didn't even look that bothered about it, although he supposed it was Sloan, and he was going through enough at that moment.
"Oh." He mumbled croakily, then let out a strange, bitter laughing noise through his nose. He was surprised he wasn't sobbing his heart out by now.
"I'm... I'm sorry. I kinda know what it's like and, well... Yeah, sorry." Geez, he was worse than Sloan at this. But for some reason, the fact that Sloan was now shutting him out forever made him feel like he was talking to a stranger, therefore he didn't have the trust to cry in front of him any more. He felt it, definitely. The sadness was there, in his eyes, but he didn't cry. He wouldn't, not in front of Sloan.
Suddenly, the kiss during the night before seemed very, very far away.
Dane sniffed, rubbing his hot eyes with his forefinger and thumb. It was far too much to take in at one time.
"I understand." And it was true, he did understand why Sloan wanted to put his family first. America was his home, after all,and the poor guy had lost his Dad, something Dane could certainly relate to. It was a disastrous loss, and especially if he had more family to suffer than Dane did - who suffered pretty much on his own – then that could make the situation worse. But still... Did it have to end so suddenly?

“What about Nick?” He croaked, forcing his eyes – which were now slightly red with tears he failed to hide - to look at Sloan with the same mirroring expression. They could have been talking about a business deal for all anyone else knew.
“What about Dart?” He asked also, his voice breaking slightly on the final word. Saying he'd become attached to that horse was an overstatement, but she was, like, Sloan's shadow. When Dane imagined Sloan at the stables, he imagined him with that horse.
This was ridiculous. He wasn't supposed to question Sloan when he was going through such a bad time. Dane hurt, yes, but it was time to stop being selfish for once.
“I'm sorry...” He tried a smile, but it was a sad one. He rubbed his eyes again, sniffing. He obviously wouldn't be able to hide this for much longer. “I'm being selfish. I just-... Need to get my head around this.”
With a sigh he leant forward and held his head in his hands. It would be the sort of time Sloan would scold him for being such a 'hedgehog', but today he wasn't execting anything of the sort.
They weren't together any more. Sloan wasn't his boyfriend. He was going to America and they'd ever see each other again.
“I'll-” His voice shook slightly, but he held firm. Avoiding Sloan's eye, he stood up. “I'll be back in a minute...”
With that he left the 'room' - or curtained corner – and stepped out into the corridor. He headed straight forward until he reached a wall, rested his arm up against it and held his head on his elbow.
He clenched a fist and punched the wall. It made a dull thud, but no one seemed to notice.
Not once did he look up, just closed his eyes and pressed his brow against the inner part of his elbow. No doctor came to ask him if he was alright, they must have seen this sort of thing before.

What had just happened?

Silent tears rolled down his cheeks, but he sniffed them back as hard as possible. He was just making things worse for both of them by getting in a state...
But he couldn't help it. Everything that had happened, all they'd shared... Even kissed, and now it was all over? Just like that?
He couldn't believe it. He actually couldn't believe it.

((Missed a huge chunk out... Sorry XD))

Sloan just watched Dane blankly. He didn't react the way Sloan had expected. He seemed to automatically mirror Sloan's casual, distant attitude... But the difference was, it didn't suit him. It was the shock that did it - Sloan could tell.
When Dane mentioned Nick, and then Dart, Sloan's eyebrows drew together, and he squared his shoulders as though defending himself from an attack - but the attack never came. Instead, Dane apologised, and Sloan relaxed again.
Only, 'relaxed' was the wrong word... The way his shoulders slumped forwards when the tension left them, 'despaired' seemed more like it.
He just kept watching silently as the truth slowly hit Dane, and he saw the man curl up in the way he only did when he was at his utter lowest. Sloan had never imagined that he would cause his boyfriend to feel that way... Ever.
His heart contracted, and a sympathetic frown formed on his face as he let himself feel just a little of his emotion.
He reached out to Dane, but before he could do or say anything, Dane had muttered an excuse, and left the room.
"Oh no you don't..." Sloan growled under his breath, glaring after Dane.
He glanced at the bag of blood beside him, snarled, and cursed it for keeping him bed-ridden. Then he shrugged, and kicked his legs out of the bed anyway. The hospital gown was most unflattering, and it irritated him somewhat. This superficial thought during such a troubled time surprised him...

Luckily for Sloan, the IV drip was on wheels, so he managed to drag it with him as he stumbled clumsily after Dane. All it took was a swish of the curtains, and he found him - dissolved into a pathetic, sobbing heap against the wall.
He approached the man silently, and laid a warm hand on his shoulder, glancing automatically at his bruised fist.
"Beginner's mistake." He teased , making a strained attempt at humour, "Thinking walls don't fight back and sh*t."
He slapped Dane's shoulder, then wrapped an arm around him - leaning against him slightly, since his strength was still not all there.
"You never let me finish." He said quietly, turning his gaze on Dane, and challenging him to meet it.
"This isn't forever." He shook his head, "It'll just be for a few months... Two years, tops. If we're both still single then, who knows? Maybe we can give it another shot?" He smiled comfortingly - and for the first time, the hurt showed. Lines of tension pulled tight around his eyes, and the smile died with the curve of his lips.
"I'll need you to look after Dart for me, too. I can't afford to take her along - so it'll be up to you. If you want to compete her yourself, or if you decide to sell her on, so be it. I trust you to make the right decisions. I'll send money for her livery each month."
He paused, and chuckled humourlessly, stepping away from Dane at last, and backing up until he could sit on the foot of the bed.
"I didn't realise I'd put so much thought into this..." He admitted with a laugh.
He said nothing about Nick. It was obvious what was going to happen... The boy lived with his mother - it would be unfair for Sloan to take him along to America. He was so young that he'd forget to miss his father after a couple of months, and Cheryl preferred caring for him alone, anyway. Nick would be fine - but Sloan... He was struggling, that much was clear. Perhaps he didn't show it much, but he loved his son...
Nick, Dane, Dart... They were his life, now! How was it fair to make him throw all that away? A sudden burst of emotion led Sloan to glance around in search of a blade, but there were no sharp objects in sight.
Had he been anybody else, he'd have been crying.

"I leave on Wednesday." He told Dane quietly, and this time, the hollowness in his voice displayed a hint of emotion. "But hey... Don't take it so hard." He smiled warmly at Dane, and reached out to take his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "It won't be so bad, you'll see. If you really need me, you have my number. I'll always be just a phonecall away." He tried for a grin, but it looked more like a grimace.
Silence a while... Then,
"I'm sorry, Dane. Truly I am."

Dane didn't even attempt a smile when Sloan tried to be funny. He was beyond laughter at that point, he just wanted to curl up in a ball and rip whatever hair he had left from his scalp. It was amazing how quickly your world could come tumbling down after such happiness. He couldn't even believe he hadn't seen it coming.
It was what he got, wasn't it? His father would be laughing at him right now, giving him the old 'I told you so' speech. He tried being normal and ended up living a lie, went through all the bothers of being gay,found happiness, just to have it thrown in his face again. Just his luck, eh?
Dane seemed to have totally forgotten about Sloan's reasons - which were, even to Dane, perfectly reasonable ones that he didn't have the right to argue with - and stuck to his personal feelings. It was odd for him, but he was helplessly in denial. He didn't want to lose his boyfriend. Not ever.

Then there was the amount of time they'd be away. Sloan was right, it wasn't forever, but it might have been. Dane kept quiet however, and stared down at his muddy boots in a teary, sulking fashion. He didn't want it to be over. He didn't want this to be a repeat of his father's death, when he'd gone into 'ultimate depression mode' and clipped off all his hair. He didn't want to have to spend nights sharing a stable with his horse because he couldn't stand being alone.
He ignored Sloan's challenge to look him in the eye and kept his gaze downcast, just like the time they'd met in the café after Sloan had kissed Dane and scared the sh*t out of him. It was his way of dealing with things. Turning his back and running away like a little child.
He listened to Sloan as he spoke, but didn't bother to show it. He kicked away at a speck of dust on the shiny floor by his feet, his fists clenching. So Sloan wanted him to look after Dart? What was he meant to do with her? Whenever he tried to ride her she always tried to throw him off. He didn't know her like Sloan did, she was little use to him.
Sloan apologised, but by this point Dane had stopped paying any attention. 'Sorry' wouldn't keep him in England, would it?
"What happened to 'long distance are a kiddy lie'?” He shot flatly. Just a phone call would be enough for him, no matter how much Sloan tried to sugar-coat it. Dane refused to buy his sympathetic words.
"Stop it." He grumbled, although his voice made it sound more like a plead than an order. "Sloan, just stop it. Stop talking like it's not as bad as it seems. You're not fooling either of us."
He sniffed away the tears, still promising himself that he wouldn't break down in front of the man. However, this wasn't going very well for him.
He had to turn away completely to compose himself, rubbing his face with his palm, taking a few deep breaths. When he turned and finally met Sloan's eye there wasn't much of an improvement.
“A lot can happen in two years, Sloan. Look at you,” he gestured to Sloan's bandages. “This happened overnight. It has happened a few times overnight and you've not told anyone about it. What if it gets worse? What if one day you're not found until it's too late?”
He wasn't holding back, anymore. He was scared, and he didn't care who knew it.
“What if..” He blinked away a few more tears. “What-... What if you meet some beautiful, young American woman and don't want to come back?”
Despite Sloan admitting a few times he was gay, the thought still seemed to be haunting him. He knew it was more natural for men and women to be together, even if there was nothing wrong with being gay. Sloan had gone out with women before, even had a child with one. What was stopping him form finding someone else and forgetting all about Dane?

Sloan frowned at Dane’s retort. He was being unfair… It wasn’t like Sloan had a choice in this! He knew why Dane was upset, and he understood – but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been expecting a little more understanding from his boyfriend.
Still, for once, he chose to be sensible. He was too sore and tired to fight.
“We can play ‘what if’ all day!” Sloan interjected harshly, the moment Dane’s speech paused.
“I’m not gonna promise anything, man. Because you’re right, two years is a long time – I don’t know what could happen. But I do know that you’ve got to stop expecting the worst. I told you once and I’ll tell you again – I’m not suicidal. Last night was… It was a mistake.
And as for me running off with some ‘beautiful, young American woman’ – can I just remind you that I’ve already done that once? And if you remember correctly, it didn’t really work out. Something about me being gay and all that?”
He noticed the harsh sarcasm in his tone, and his expression softened instantly.
“Look, Dane.” He said with a quiet sigh, “I know this sucks. And I know it’s a lot to ask, but I just need you to be strong for me.” He reached out and touched Dane’s elbow gently, his face deadly serious, “It’s hard for me, too.” He murmured softly, “But I need you right now, so please, don’t push me away.”
It was very seldom that Sloan admitted to such vulnerability, and his expression hardened automatically in self-defense.
He had never opened up this much to anybody before, as far back as he could remember… Dane meant the world to him. Seeing him cry like that was one of the hardest things he’d ever faced… And the worst was, there was nothing he could do about it

((Going to bed after this. Sorry it's such a late reply... I've been a bit distracted ^_^))

Dane flinched as a hand gently rubbed on his elbow, trying to calm him down. He hadn't been expecting it, really, and it made him jump. Sloan wanted to comfort him, he knew it, but physical contact from that man reminded him of all those times they'd kissed, or hugged, or just held each other with stupid grins on their faces because they felt like the luckiest two in the world. But, since Sloan had broken upwith him, he decided he no longer had permission to do any of that any more.
He rubbed his arm out of habit, trying to rub away the tingling feeling on his elbow where Sloan had touched it, and swallowed. The man was right. He was being selfish.
"Sorry." He said, leaning his shoulder against the wall and cradling his bruised fist in his other hand. "I'm just... A bit in shock, I guess." He offered a tiny smile, although it wasn't really a smiling matter.
"You know what I'm like, thinking the worst of everything. I'm not the best with 'goodbyes'. I know we still have a few days, but still..."
He couldn't help it anymore, he wanted to hug that man for hours and cry into his shoulder. He wanted to hold his hand so tightly and never let him go. But not everyone got whatever they wanted, and he was no exception.
Still, he didn't have the will to fight his urges anymore; he couldn't keep away from Sloan, especially when he looked so ill.
Sniffing, Dane lifted his arms and wrapped them around Sloan's neck, digging his face into the man's shoulder. I don't want you to go... he thought silently, letting the tears flow now Sloan couldn't see his face. I never did, right from the start.
"I'd kiss you right now, but I guess I'm not allowed to do that anymore, am I?" He mumbled, his words muffled from his lips against Sloan's hospital gown. However, he didn't back away, and he didn't intend to. They needed each other then, and Sloan was right: he was pushing the man away.
Well, no more.

((Are you okay? *Pokes* Have a good sleep. I'm here if you need to talk tomorrow, okay? ))

Sloan returned Dane’s half-hearted smile sympathetically. He could relate to what Dane was saying… The shock had made him a little crazy, too. They wouldn’t be sitting in a hospital, otherwise.
He was dragged from his thoughts when Dane finally came back to him, and Sloan opened his arms willingly to welcome the man into his embrace.
He held him tightly, one hand on his lower back, and the other between his shoulder blades. He squeezed him tighter still when he felt the dampness of fresh tears against his neck.
Over Dane’s shoulder, Sloan’s expression twisted into a miserable grimace. He didn’t want to lose this… Lose Dane. Life was cruel, and fate was unfair. He had known it all along.
"I'd kiss you right now, but I guess I'm not allowed to do that anymore, am I?"
Sloan could barely make out Dane’s muffled words, but he got the gist, and chuckled weakly all the same.
“I wouldn’t stop you.” He murmured quietly, “Like you said, we’ve got a few days left…”
It was little comfort – but clearly Sloan intended to cling fast to Dane, right to the bitter end.
“I’m sorry for putting you through all this…” He whispered, bowing his head until his forehead rested against Dane’s shoulder. He seemed as though he should be crying – but he didn’t. He never did.
“I never wanted to hurt you.” He clutched Dane tighter, “I still don’t want to let you go…”
The openness of his words made him uncomfortable, but just this once, he was willing to put up with it. Dane needed to know that this had been more than a casual fling to him…
He sighed and looked up again, absentmindedly stroking the back of Dane’s head.
“Look-“ He set the man firmly at an arm’s length, and held his tearful gaze sternly, “I’ll be back just as soon as I can. And until then, if you ever need to talk to me, just call, okay? Promise me.” He gripped Dane’s shoulders firmly. “You have to know that I’m not abandoning you… It’s just that my family has to come first. It’s my obligation as a man to get them back on their feet…”
His eyes flickered up distractedly as a doctor entered the room – but when his gaze met Sloan’s, he crept out of the room again, waiting patiently just outside the door.
Sloan patted Dane’s shoulder and pulled away, waiting for the doctor’s news. He hoped that he would be discharged – he needed to get his things in order. The sooner the better.

Dane sighed, finally allowing his eyes to crawl up to Sloan's, no longer caring about the tears turning the whites sore. He had to admit he was glad Sloan wasn't acting as emotionless as he'd been before, he made Dane look like such a pathetic crybaby in comparison, but now he was being open, Dane felt himself relax. Sloan didn't hate him, he loved him, even if he didn't admit it. Maybe he was scared to but didn't want it to show, maybe he just didn't want to go that far yet. But if he didn't cringe or squirm at Dane getting close to him, he was happy.
He tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a half-sob than anything else. He swiped his nose with his thumb and sniffed, then rubbed the tears roughly from his eyes. It wasn't like Sloan was dying, or anything. No need to get carried away.
A little late for that now, yes, but niether of them was going to say anything.
"I understand." He croaked finally, nodding earnestly. This time, he meant. it. Family came first, naturally. For him to think he could keep Sloan there just by crying was outragious. Dane would do the same, if he had been in that situation.
"Thanks, man." He tapped Sloan on the shoulder in a casual fashion, then slightly awkwardly took the man's hand and squeezed it. "I'll keep in touch, I promise. But only if you do, too. No more of this if you can help it."
They both knew what he meant, but they both also knew it wouldn't be as easy as that to keep Sloan from cutting himself. Just by going away he'd be met by all kinds of barriers, his mother, his brother... Like he said. He couldn't make any promises.
He'd been so caught up with looking at Sloan's sparkling eyes that he'd not even noticed the doctor standing awkwardly at the side of the room. Clearing his throat, Dane rubbed the back of his neck as if nothing had happened and shoved a hand in his pocket. Whatever news they were waiting for, it looked important.

Sloan offered a tight smile when Dane squeezed his hand, but he said nothing. What could he say? He and Dane both knew well that the cutting wasn't going to stop, even if he tried.
Sloan turned away from Dane when the doctor approached his bed.
"Clearly you're feeling better." He said with a fatherly smile, turning briefly to Dane to gesture for him to leave. He was a kind-faced, older man with a receding hairline, and a somewhat rotund middle. He wore a pair of round spectacles, and his hair was rapidly paling from black to silver.
"Mister Terse," He went on, speaking in a slightly-too-friendly tone that made Sloan feel like a child. "I've had a look at your chart, and you're doing just fine. We didn't have any complications with the blood transfusions, so once that one is finished, you're ready to be discharged." He gestured toward the IV drip, and Sloan glanced at it automatically.
"Before you go, though," He doctor went on, still speaking in that horribly kind tone, "I want to introduce you to my colleague, Doctor Morgan. He's our staff psychologist."
Sloan stiffened instantly as tall, brown-haired man entered the room, wearing that same sickeningly sweet smile.
"Nice to meet you, Sloan."
That f*cking smile!
"No!" Sloan snapped defensively, "I don't want to f*cking meet you!"

For the next few minutes, both the doctor and the psychologist tried hard to calm Sloan down and get him to talk, but he was having none of it. It was as though he thought the shrink had come to skin him alive, and he responded to Doctor Morgan's patience with increasing aggresion and agrivation.
Eventually they realised their efforts were useless, and left Sloan shaken and fuming.
There were not many things that disturbed Sloan - but a shrink was one of those precious few. He dimply hated them.

He was discharged shortly after that, with 'possible mental instability' listed in his medical records. He remained ill-tempered for quite some time afterwards...

***

By Tuesday evening, Sloan had made arrangements for everything, and he was packed and ready to leave the following morning. He had planned to have a quiet evening - perhaps a mug of coffee, and an early night... But instead, he found himself calling Dane's number. He had let himself become a tad distant in the past couple of days with everything he had to do - but that night, he intended to make up for it.
"Hey man." He said when he heard Dane's voice at the other end of the line. "I've finally got everything ready for tomorrow... So what do you say to one last date?" He smiled into the phone, "Maybe I can give you a little something to remember me by..."
I sure as Hell won't be forgetting you...
He touched the back of his neck absentmindedly, fingers running over the inflamed area around the new tattoo that he had procured the previous day.
It was just a few numbers, inked neatly into his skin, almost like a barcode. The numbers represented a date - to be more specific, the date of the day that he and Dane had first got together.
It was not a sentimental thing - merely a reminder to himself of the promises he had made...
Many of Sloan's tattoos served similar purposes... It was a terrible habit of his - making everything so... Permanent.