Two Batty Kids :: Me and Polo

The relationship began to steadily grow after that night. James began to try and let go of his old self, all of his concerns and worries about being in a relationship with another man. The taboo associated with it had been drilled so deeply into his mind that it was hard at first, but at the days turned into weeks, it became easier, especially with Orion. The man was impossibly sweet, dropping compliments at every opportunity, even buying him gifts. James began returning the favor at first, although when Orion began looking for a job - clearly to fund his ever increasing extravagant gifts, James stopped. He saw what was happening, especially when he finally did get a job. It had crazy hours, late into the early morning. The only profession that James could think that would operate in that time frame was drug dealer and prostitute. Maybe truck driver, although Orion really wouldn't fit that. In fact, he wouldn't fit any of those. Drug dealers were all the bad kids from the slums - like the kids from the orphanage - and prostitutes were all skanky women. Besides, if Chang caught Orion at either of those...
He shivered at the thought when he pondered the notion, and quickly cast it aside, not wanting to think of it.

And so, about three weeks after Orion started his night job, James had found himself nearly completely infatuated with the misplaced rock star-like man. Every little thing made him glow a little more, and that fact that Orion was doing so much for him made him slightly giddy, although after a few weeks, he was beginning to wish that his boyfriend hadn't taken on the job. Surely he didn't think that James needed those gifts, right? That his love needed to be bought? And whenever he asked Orion about the job, he was waved off and given a vague answer. It was a little upsetting, but he did his best to move past it and try and do his best to make the man happy when he could see him. It was painful to watch him slowly deteriorate though. Each day at lunch, the smiles were more forced, the bags under his eyes darker, the food on his plate mostly untouched.
James wasn't sure if he'd seen any clearer sign of overwork, or depression, and it was killing him.

It was becoming harder for him to sleep at night, especially when Orion walked into the room at four in the morning and turned on the shower. So this didn't seem any different from the other nights initially, but instead of immediately going to the bathroom, Orion climbed onto his bed and let his head fall into his hands and sat there, completely still.
After a while, the strong scent of cheap perfume wafted over to James, and he wrinkled his nose at it, wondering why the hell the man smelled like a cheap women's department store in the mall. Maybe that was where he worked or something. In his exhausted state, he didn't even register that malls were typically closed at this hour.
"Orion?" He murmured, his voice hoarse with sleep. "What's wrong?"
Without waiting for an answer, he climbed down the ladder - nearly tripping, as usual - and walked over to Orion's bed, standing at the bottom of the ladder and looking up, eyes squinted as he strained to see in the darkness.

"Orion?" The soft voice from across the room made him freeze, shoulders tensing so much that his tight sleeves began to choke them. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing-" He said quickly, taking a breath to compose himself, and pushing his hair back out of his face. Before he had a chance to object, James had climbed out of bed and crossed the room toward him. Suddenly, Orion found himself looking down into his boyfriend's face - handsome even in his half-asleep state - and he felt his heart contract painfully in his chest. 
"It's nothing." He repeated, whispering, "Go back to bed, James. You look like a sleepwalker. And," He vaulted off the bed, ruffled James's hair, and added cheekily, "Your bedhead is embarrassing. Get some more sleep." With a forced little smirk, he walked past James - taking great care not to brush against him,  for fear the terrible uncleanliness that he felt might be contagious - and headed straight to the bathroom. "Sorry for waking you," He added as he retreated behind the door, "See you in the morning." 

Orion had only just managed to shut door before the overwhelming wave of pressure that had been building all week crashed over him, and his mask of normality was whisked off like a feather in a hurricane. He physically felt his stiff spine begin to fold, and then there came a soft, hollow knock as his forehead fell against the wooden door. His eyes were scrunched tight, and the smooth white paint felt cold under his fingers as they curled into fists, scratching the surface of the door. He felt his lips pull back, baring his teeth in an agonized grimace as silent sobs began to shake him, tearing fiercely at the muscles in his throat as he struggled to choke them back. The flowery scent of the perfume pressed in on him from every side, suffocating him, and burning his lungs with its chemical aftertaste. It made him want to be sick, but there was nothing left in his stomach to throw up. 
When he finally forced himself back from the door, a glittery residue showed where his hair had touched it, and he had to bite his tongue to keep from roaring in frustration as he swept it roughly away. 
'Glitter!' He raged silently to himself, 'F*cking glitter everywhere! Where does it even come from?'
Spinning on his heel, he tore open the door of the shower so roughly that the glass shuddered, then tore of his clothes - he could not get them off fast enough - and threw himself into the glorious spray, so hot that it nearly burned. He pulled the door closed behind him, then turned his face to the shower head, and let the scalding water pelt down on him without even feeling it. He felt numb. 
Armed with a sponge and an indecent amount of shower gel, he began scrubbing his dirty body, washing the glitter from his hair, then cleansing his face, and starting on the perfume that seemed nearly ingrained into his skin. He washed the faint, oily sheen from handsomely defined six-pack that now adorned his abdomen, then moved on to drench his hairless legs in the clean, white foam. He went on scrubbing until his skin was raw, and even that didn't stop him. It didn't matter how desperately he tried to clean himself; the dirty feeling would never leave him now. It had sunk in deeper than just his skin. He had absorbed it through those painful midnight hours, and it had infected his pride like a virus. 
When the water began to turn cold, Orion dropped his sponge and stepped back under the spray to let the water carry away the snowy soap suds. It was icy by the time he shut it off, and he was shivering, but he did not reach for a towel. His hand was braced against the shower wall, and again he felt himself on the edge of a meltdown. His mind just would not stop replaying the night's events...

***

It had been five minutes after eight that he'd arrived at the club, just like every other night. He was always five minutes late. Those five minutes were the time it took, every day, for him to convince himself not to turn back, not to drive home and give it all up, throw it all away for the sake of his pride. He had taken his time parking his bike anyway, but when he finally walked in at ten past, nobody said a word. Even his boss didn't have a complaint; he was just that good. 
At first, the routine had gone as usual. He was ushered into a room with Wade, a greasy little man with a paunchy belly whose head barely reached his shoulder, and who somehow always stank of old hotdogs. As usual, Wade's yellow teeth had flashed as he grinned and chattered away, issuing Orion with his outfit for the day. Orion had been too dazzled by his shiny bald patch to take in a word, and had not reacted at all until Wade had threatened to rub baby oil on him. Then he'd snapped moodily that he would do it himself, and shut himself inside the tiny toilet cubical to strip down and oil up. 
When his time had come up and they'd ushered him up on stage, he was dressed in a rather kitsch police outfit in a flattering navy blue, complete with hat and night stick. 
Then he had gone through the nightly motions of putting his pride on a shelf and trying to shut down his thoughts while he strutted onto the stage to the music of some vile pop song, and danced for a packed hall of screaming women who scratched at his ankles with fake nails, and stuffed filthy dollar bills into the crack of his ass. To their shrieks and cheers, he had stripped off his clothes as he did every night, allowing them to shamelessly admire his magnificent body while he flaunted it crudely for them. They adored him, and he loathed every minute of it. 
He had been a richer man when he'd walked off stage - in pocket if not in spirit - and after having to endure his boss clapping him on the back and nearly crying from joy as he raved about how Orion was 'the best he'd ever had' and how business had never been better, he had finally been allowed to dress and leave. 
Then he had walked out of the strip club to return to his bike, and that was when it had happened. The thing that sent him over the edge.

She had been waiting for him, leaning on his bike's smooth leather seat; a cougar if ever he saw one. Her face had more lines in it than a pair of corduroy pants, and she had on a shade of ninety nine cent lipstick that - combined with her heavy mascara and thick blue eyeshadow - made her look like some kind of clown. Her cigarette had dangled, smoking faintly, from her long pink talons as she's stalked toward him, swinging her hips. The pleasantries had been mostly skipped, and right after greeting him by the name that the club had issued, the woman had asked him straight off, 'how much?' 
Orion's answer of 'how much for what' had proved the very same fact that made him such a hit with his audience; he was far too young and far too innocent for the job that he was doing, despite his clear bad boy charm. 
This response had only made the cougar more determined than ever, and even after Orion had tried to convince her that he was not for sale, the rich old housewife had persisted, clawing at his wrist even as he mounted his bike, and shouting out numbers in the hope that one of them would his the spot. Twelve thousand had been the one that made him stop.
He remembered a deep sense of loathing rising up in him as he'd looked down at the helmet in his hands, then slowly back up at her. And for one vile, repulsive moment, he had considered it. Twelve thousand. Enough to pay both his tuition and accommodation all the way until graduation, and probably leave enough over for him to be able to support himself without carrying on at the strip club. This thought had been enough to make him shut off the engine and even dismount from his bike, but when those haggard old witch claws had closed around his young wrist, his own gag reflex had finally saved him from himself. He'd shoved her off, made some foul-mouthed comment about how he wasn't some common whore, then remounted his bike and sped off into the night with his heart racing. 

***

It raced again now as he recalled the memory, and he shook his head again, pressing his fingertips hard into his temples. Nothing had happened, but it could have. It almost did. His whole life, he had seen himself as a proud man, never imagining that he would stoop so low. It was funny what desperation and low self esteem could do to a person. If he'd had any respect in himself when the night had begun, then it was certainly gone now. He had not even slept with James. He had not slept with anybody, yet he had been willing to consider handing himself over to sate some lonely stranger's lust just for a few shiny coins. And the worst part was, some desperate part of himself still wished that he had done it. It was that part that he hated most of all. 
Slowly, his eyes fell to his wrist, and he saw the scratch marks from where the cougar's claws had scraped his skin. He thought of James, and suddenly he began to feel faintly sick. How could he even look his boyfriend in the eye? What would James say if he knew just how low the man that he had chosen to date had sunk? Taking off his clothes for strangers, and next he'd be sleeping with them. Orion could just barely look himself in the eye. He couldn't begin to imagine how James would react if he found out... And that was why he had to keep it a secret. He had to stay strong, and keep smiling, so that James wouldn't see through his disguise. Because if he lost his boyfriend now, then what would be the point of any of this? Wasn't James the reason he'd had to do this in the first place; because he wanted to stay?
He let out a deep, shuddering breath, then shook his head, turned off the light, and pushed the door open with a quiet creak, hoping that James would be asleep. Eyes still dazzled by the light, he could not make out a thing in the morning gloom, and he fumbled his way clumsily toward his bed, exhausted by the night's events. He just wanted to fall asleep, fall asleep to sweet dreams of stolen kisses and late night conversations, and never again wake to the cruelness of reality.

"Nothing- It's nothing."
With that, Orion jumped down from the bed and brushed past James, not touching him as he normally might have. The strong scent of cheap perfume overwhelmed his nose then, burning as he inhaled too deeply and the chemicals went into his lungs, nearly choking him. He coughed a bit as Orion strode into the bathroom.
"Go back to bed, James. You look like a sleepwalker. And your bedhead is embarrassing. Get some more sleep. Sorry for waking you. See you in the morning."
He smiled and shut the door. Before long, the water began running, drowning out most other noise.
James's brow was furrowed in confusion as he tried to piece his thoughts together. What was going on? Why did Orion stink like that? And what was the matter with him? Why was he being so distant?
No, distant wasn't the right word, because he wasn't distant exactly. More like secretive. Orion wasn't sharing any details of his life, it seemed, and it was clear that something big was bothering him. Did it have to do with the perfume?
The perfume.
Only women wore perfume - usually - and Orion did not seem to be the kind of guy to go into a perfume chamber and douse himself in the stuff for the hell of it. No, he must have been with someone wearing that strong scent... But why? And it was every night too. The shower smelled of it in the morning. There were usually little sparkles dotting the floor of the tile in the bathroom, much like the blue eye shadow that Cory was always so fond of wearing.
He spent a while pondering this. At some point, the water shut off, and then the door opened slowly, creaking loudly as if always did. James jumped a bit, startled to see that forty-five minutes had gone by and that it was now 4:45 - and he still didn't have an answer. How could he have been thinking for so long without coming to a solution?
No matter now. He needed to comfort - and confront - his boyfriend.
His eyes had adjusted to the dim light, although it was clear that Orion's hadn't, so James took advantage of the opportunity and stepped forward, closing the gap between them with a tight hug, one hand grasping the back of Orion's head, the other pressing firmly against the small of his back.
"I care about you, Orion." He whispered, voice husky and trembling a bit. "I care about you a lot. Hell, I love you." He was silent for a moment, allowing Orion a chance for the words to sink in. "I want you to tell me what's wrong, even if it takes the rest of the night and all day."
He leaned back a bit and moved his hands so that they were grasping Orion's cheeks. "I want to listen. Please let me."

Orion paused to let his eyes take in the light, and before he could take another step he heard the soft rustle of bare feet on carpet, and then James was before him. The other man wrapped him in a hug without once giving him a chance to object, and Orion felt his shoulders slump as the kind warmth enveloped him. James's one hand grasped the back of his head, fingers pressing into his wet hair, while the other folded snugly around his back. A shaky breath escaped his lips, and his head bowed to the end of his neck, heavy with shame. He didn't want to touch James; didn't want to infect him with this feeling on uncleanliness that clung to him with every breath. But James's skin was soft, and the steady throbbing of his heart was a comforting melody as it pulsed calmly through the silence. The connection between them reverberated with sincerity in the closeness, and after night after night of frivolous pretense, Orion craved that sincerity like a vampire with a thirst for blood. It tasted of life.

"I care about you, Orion." A soft voice whispered shakily into his ear, the raw emotion of it sending a tremor through Orion's tense muscles, "I care about you a lot. Hell, I love you." 
Orion's breath caught in his throat, and his chest began to tighten with the effort of holding himself together. The insides of his cheeks pressed sorely against his clenched teeth, and yet he could not keep his lower lip from trembling. A shaky sigh rippled out from him, and he slipped his arms around James at last, eyes squeezing tightly shut as he enveloped the man in a shaky hug.
"I want you to tell me what's wrong, even if it takes the rest of the night and all day." His boyfriend pressed gently, easing him back to clasp his face between dainty palms, "I want to listen. Please let me."
Orion's green eyes shimmered with emotion as they searched James's face. But they moment they met James's gaze, he hitched a breath and turned his head away. How could he even look James in the eye, knowing what he'd succumbed to?

"I've wanted for so long to hear you say that." He whispered at last, running his tongue quickly over his chapped lips, "Now, I..." His eyes scrunched shut, and he just shook his head, straining away as far as he could without breaking the embrace between them. Just then, 'I love you' was the last thing he wanted to hear from the one person who meant everything to him. Now, he felt as though he had infinitely more to lose then he had a moment ago. 
"I don't deserve you. I really don't." He pulled James closer again, just to avoid looking him in the eye. His hand rubbed absently up and down over his boyfriend's shoulders, instinctively trying to reassure him, even though he was clearly the one being reassured in this situation. 
"I screwed up, James." He confessed, voice lilting unsteadily, "If I tell you now, you- you'll take it back, and-" His breath had turned shallow with panic, and he inhaled shakily to catch it, trying desperately to calm his frazzled nerves. 
'I've tried so hard... Now he finally loves me, and I'm going to lose him! I can't let him go after all this. I can't; I need him.' He tightened his arms around James's warm, solid form; the only thing holding him together, 'He just barely wanted to be with me in the first place, and now we've made such progress... What if this undoes it all? God, I'm a fool, I'm such a f*cking fool!'
"Please don't hate me." He whispered, his voice lowering steadily now to a tone heavy with resignation, "And I know it'll be hard for you, but... Try not to judge me."
Then he released James and stepped back, crossing an arm over his chest and rubbing his hand anxiously over the other. He hesitated a moment, then took a deep breath, and began to tell James everything; from Mr. Chang cutting off his funding, through the initial hopelessness of the job hunt, right until his desperation had finally got the better of him, concluding in the incident with the cougar just a few short hours ago. 
"...And I... I considered it." He concluded, evidently disgusted with himself, "I don't know what I was thinking... But it was twelve thousand dollars; it could have solved so many problems, and it's not like I have even a scrap of pride left to protect. I just don't know how it came to this." He sighed heavily, collapsing his forehead into his open palm. "I hate it." He confessed, as if that much was not already evident, "Taking off my clothes for desperate old housewives and fickle, screaming drunks. And they love me." He laughed bitterly, "Shit, it's the only time I've been accepted anywhere."
Another grimly amused snort escape him. Then he shook his head, and managed to last to look at James, peering through his wet fringe with the weary eyes of a much, much older man. "So there you have it." He muttered, "I'm just a lousy f*cking tramp, but... A tramp who loves you, although I know that's probably not enough."

(("He's a tramp, but I love him. Breaks a new heart every day. He's a tramp. They adore him. And I only hope he'll stay that way."   
You know you were singing it too.    ))

James nearly laughed aloud at the incredulity of the situation when Orion pulled him closer, pressing their chests tightly together and letting his hand rub gently over his shoulders - as if he were trying to coax James into talking, and not the other way around.
And the other part too, the part where Orion didn't deserve James. That was completely untrue too. He wasn't perfect. He drank too much, cared too much about things that didn't matter, tended not to care enough about things that did, wasn't a completely faithful boyfriend...
Well, in act he was. But still. After the night on Nettle, he had tried forgetting about Cory, and mostly had, although she obviously was trying to make him remember. Aine was doing her best to comfort the other girl as James began avoiding her, but it was hard, especially since he knew he was hurting her. Plus she was pretty, and it still made him shiver when he thought about her lips.
James shook his head to clear his mind; those kinds of thoughts were completely inappropriate for this situation. He needed to think about Orion, pay one hundred percent attention to him. It was important.
"I screwed up, James. If I tell you now, you- you'll take it back, and-"
What? What did that even mean.
James felt his brow furrow as Orion struggled to find the right words to continue.
"Please don't hate me. And I know it'll be hard for you, but... Try not to judge me."
Too late. James was already judging hard, although he wasn't sure about anything just yet. Just that something was direly was, and Orion thought that it was enough to make James very angry and potentially hate him enough to break off the relationship. That was what scared him the most - that Orion knew he did something so terrible that James would do something as equally horrible.
He listened, face intense with concentration, as Orion delved into the story, starting with the night on Nettle, explaining why he needed to find a job, and what that job finally was, why he was always out at night, and why he was becoming more distant, and finally what had happened earlier in the evening - or was it morning? It didn't matter though.
"...And I... I considered it. I don't know what I was thinking... But it was twelve thousand dollars; it could have solved so many problems, and it's not like I have even a scrap of pride left to protect. I just don't know how it came to this."
Orion looked so sad standing there in the faint moonlight that filtered in through the dorm window, arms crossed over his chest, eyes cast downward at the ground in shame, shivering lightly. It was all James could do to not rush over and kiss him, hold him, show how much he loved him.
But at the same time, he was also angry. Why wouldn't Orion tell him what had happened with Chang? Did he really not trust James enough? The thought of that hurt, although he concealed it. Conceal, don't feel, put on a show.
"I hate it. Taking off my clothes for desperate old housewives and fickle, screaming drunks. And they love me. Shit, it's the only time I've been accepted anywhere."
James snorted at that; obviously he and Aine didn't count then.
"So there you have it. I'm just a lousy f*cking tramp, but... A tramp who loves you, although I know that's probably not enough."
James stood there quietly for a moment, mind running over with thoughts and words and just an overall buzzing that made it hard for him to form sentences and speak coherently. He needed to say something soon, or else Orion might explode, he was aware of that. But it was nearly impossible to figure out what.
So he just closed the distance between them and took Orion's face in his hands once again, dipping his head in to press his lips to the other man's in a gentle kiss. When he pulled away, he let his forehead lean against Orion's, wanting to stay as close as possible. The faint scent of perfume still hung in the air.
"That's how much I care, Orion." He murmured softly. "I'm not mad that you took the job. I'm really not. I'm kind of upset that you didn't tell me about needing the money, but that's not important now. We can talk about that later."
He dropped his hands to Orion's shoulders and pulled away slowly so that he could look at the man. When his eyes stared at the floor, James moved a hand under Orion's chin and lifted it up gently. "Look at me. We can work this out, and we will. You don't need to do this if you don't want to - and I know you don't. There are other options, we'll figure it out."

The silence was painful. Orion could hear every beat of his heart, and when his mouth filled and he had to swallow, the sound was almost deafening. His eyes searched James's face, desperate for some hint of understanding, desperate to know what was going through his boyfriend's mind at that moment. His nerves were so tense, he could practically hear them vibrating.
"James?" He whispered, "Say so-"
Then a pair of lips cut him off, and he fell silent with a shocked grunt. His hands lifted, but then he realized that he was unsure of what to do with them, so he dropped them again and closed his eyes, allowing himself to finally believe that the kiss was real, and not just a figment of his imagination. A heavy sense of relief flooded through his body, and when James broke the kiss, Orion released it in a sigh. 
There it was. Right there, he knew that he was forgiven, and it felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. It wasn't over; not just yet. It was only just beginning.

His boyfriend's forehead touched his, and he leaned gratefully into it, his shallow breathing steadily calming now. His cheeks burned under James's soft palms. "That's how much I care, Orion." The other man told him quietly, "I'm not mad that you took the job. I'm really not. I'm kind of upset that you didn't tell me about needing the money, but that's not important now. We can talk about that later."
He swallowed, not trusting himself to speak, and nodded his understanding. This reaction was more than he had ever hoped for! In his experience, 'acceptance' had never really seemed to be one of James's strong suits. He had honestly expected his boyfriend to be so disgusted by his stripping endeavours that he would never even want to set eyes on him again. 
I don't deserve him. He thought again, swallowing thickly and dropping his gaze when James pulled back, dropping his hands to Orion's shoulders. Then the weight vanished from his left shoulder, and he felt his chin lifted gently on a dainty finger. "Look at me." Hesitantly, Orion obeyed, "We can work this out, and we will. You don't need to do this if you don't want to - and I know you don't. There are other options, we'll figure it out."
His eyes studied James's for a long moment. Then, slowly, he nodded, releasing a shaky breath, and lifting his hands hesitantly. He placed them gently at James's waist, then changed his mind, and threaded them around his back instead, pulling him into another hug. 
"Thank you." He whispered, "Thank you for understanding." He meant it, too. Knowing that he had James at his side, nothing seemed as hopeless as it had before. The disgust, the pain, even the shame and self-loathing were eased when he felt that warm, familiar body filling the space between his arms so very perfectly, as it always had. As long as he had James, everything would be okay. As long as he had James... He could get by.
Orion sniffed, then pulled back, rubbing his face wearily. His skin was still wet from his dripping hair, and after a moment, he realized that the water was trickling over his bare chest, too. He had dressed in such a daze that he had forgotten that he always wore pajamas while rooming with James, and now he was faintly surprised to find himself standing there in his boxers. He was even more surprised when he realized that he was blushing. 
With an awkward cough, he scratched his wet hair, and wandered across the room to grab an old white T-shirt from his drawer. It wasn't that he was ashamed of his body - people paid to see it, after all, and nobody could deny that he was in the best shape of his life - but something about James just made him shy, in every way. It was not a bad feeling, just new. It startled him at times. 

"I'm going to start looking for a new job first thing tomorrow. Maybe I'll have more luck now that I've got some job experience." He quipped dryly, turning back to James, "This whole 'taking responsibility' thing sucks something fierce, I'll tell you that."
Orion was quiet a while then, busying himself with combing halfheartedly through his wet hair. Then he stopped, and padded back over to James, the cheap, beige carpet feeling coarse on his bare feet. "I..." His eyes lifted hesitantly to James's face, but although he clearly meant to say something meaningful, no words would come to his lips. How could he possibly express to James just exactly how much his support meant? He took a deep breath, steeling himself to say something so deep, so heartfelt, that if his life were a movie, it would be quoted all over the internet for months. 
"I..." He tried again, "I lied about the bedhead." His expression was one hundred percent solemn as he reached out, brushing a few strands of soft, golden hair off James's forehead. "It's completely adorable. And so are you."
Well... he certainly hadn't intended to say that. It was true, though. The thought made him smile, and for the first time in weeks, it actually reached his eyes. Suddenly, the dark shadows and stress lines on his face weren't quite as apparent as before. If one good thing could be said for this entire ordeal, it was that he now loved James more than ever. This reminded him of something, and suddenly, his smile was twisting into a cheeky smirk. 
"And," He whispered, brushing the backs of his fingers over James's cheek, "I love you too."
Thought I missed that, did you?

There was a quiet moment when all James could hear was his own heartbeat, pounding frantically against his ribs. In fact, he was certain that Orion would be able to hear it too. He wasn't sure why he felt so nervous all of a sudden; maybe it was the close proximity - especially with Orion half-naked and glistening with beads of water - or maybe how much James had said and offered. What if he couldn't help? Or worse yet - what if Orion didn't want help? That would be unbearable.
Before James could make himself sick with worry, he felt the man's hands snake around his waist, and then up over his back. He found himself pulled into a tight embrace, and a quiet whisper in his ear.
"Thank you. Thank you for understanding."
Orion's breath tickled his hair.
After a moment, the other man pulled away, and seemed to become aware of his state of undress. He seemed to blush almost as he crossed the room to the chest of drawers and pulled on a plain t-shirt; James found it absolutely endearing, and he couldn't keep a tiny smile from his lips. The lack of light did a pretty good job of masking it though, he thought.
"I'm going to start looking for a new job first thing tomorrow. Maybe I'll have more luck now that I've got some job experience. This whole 'taking responsibility' thing sucks something fierce, I'll tell you that."
James chuckled, more for Orion's benefit than anything else. Of course he had never needed to get a job; the only reason he had one now was because he loved it. He had never really needed to take responsibility for anything before in his life, except for maybe now with his academics. Nothing that actually really mattered.
"I... I... I lied about the bedhead. It's completely adorable. And so are you."
James was a little disappointed that Orion didn't say what he really meant to say - honestly, who stammered over bedhead? - but he decided that he wouldn't push. Orion would say whatever he needed to in his own time. Besides, he wasn't one to turn down a compliment.
It was his turn to blush as the man reached out his hand and gently brushed a few strands of hair to the side, carefully, as if he was trying not to mess up his already dreadfully messy bird's nest of blonde locks.
"Oh, kiss me already." He growled quietly, voice just the tiniest bit husky in his throat. He leaned forward and let his hands slide up and over Orion's cheeks, and then brought his lips to press against his boyfriend's - gently, no matter how his tone had hinted otherwise. He let his thumbs trace soft patterns over Orion's skin, as if there was nothing else in the world - no classes the next day, no need for sleep, nothing. It seemed to be perfect.
When the moment was finally over and James pulled away, he let out a shaky laugh and let his hands slide down to Orion's waist.
"You're not going to go looking for a job tomorrow." He shook his head stubbornly. "With all the crazy hours you've been working, I think you owe me. So guess what - tomorrow we're going on a date, and that's that. Don't argue." The smirk that he shot Orion was a mix between a genuine smile and a sort of a challenge.

"Oh, kiss me already." James growled, and before Orion could even laugh his surprise at his boyfriend's forwardness, James had caught his cheeks in his hands, and pressed their lips together. With a murmur of appreciation, he tilted his chin delicately, parting his lips to accept the kiss. His eyes fluttered half-closed, and as he drew in a breath through his nose, the familiar clean scent of James wrapped comfortingly around him. It reminded him somehow of home, a soft, fresh scent like clean linen. As a certain sense of security began wrapping itself around him, the chill of the air suddenly did not sting quite so sharply. 
James's thumbs ran softly over his skin, tracing circles as they always did, and he murmured appreciatively under his breath, raising a hand to cup around the back of those messy brown locks as he drew James in closer to him. He knew that he had been pushing his boyfriend away, and now that he felt he no longer had to, he craved the closeness like a man possessed. All he needed was James - the warm, certain shape of him nestled snugly in his arms - and he knew that somewhere, somehow, everything would be all right again. It was as if the past few weeks had never happened; like he was living some beautiful snippet from a luckier man's life. 

The moment lasted just long enough, and when James finally pulled away, Orion was left with that familiar bittersweet feeling of complete satisfaction, laced with that eternal hint of longing; for no matter how much he had of James, nothing would ever quite be enough. 
The shaky laugh that broke the silence echoed the feeling that flipped his own gut, and Orion grinned faintly, his cheeks still a little flushed from the kiss. "That was fun." He quipped charmingly as James's hands slid to his next, coaxing a crooked, relaxed smile from his lips.  James looked at him, then said firmly "You're not going to go looking for a job tomorrow." 
"I'm not?" He blinked stupidly.
"With all the crazy hours you've been working, I think you owe me. So guess what - tomorrow we're going on a date, and that's that. Don't argue."
"A date?" Orion's eyes widened, unable to completely hide his surprise, and his head tilted a little to one side, curiously regarding the challenging little smile stretching sweetly over James's lips. The corners of his own mouth twitched, and he heard himself chuckle under his breath; nervous with anticipation. "That sounds wonderful." His smile stretched until it crinkled the corners of his eyes, then faltered just a little, "But are you sure? I mean, if anybody saw us, there would be talk for sure. I don't want to cause you any trouble." He pushed back James's fringe, looking earnestly into his eyes. "But, yes. Of course I'll go on a date with you. Nothing would make me happier, except maybe a ten hour sleep." He laughed, sheepishly rubbing at the bags under his eyes, then smiled tiredly at James, eyes flickering happily over his face. Now that the worries and guilt that had been gnawing away at him were gone, he was feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, and he couldn't help but feel a little adoring toward the man who had just exceeded all his expectations, and been far more supportive than Orion had ever imagined he could be. Honestly, he'd been certain James would judge him at least a little more. But he hadn't. He'd been loving, understanding, supportive; everything that Orion had ever hoped he might be. This night, he knew, would be one he'd think back on many a time for the course of the relationship, however long it might be. He imagined, one day, sitting down with the child that he and James had adopted together and saying, 'And that, son, was when I knew for the first time that your Daddy really loved me... And that, just maybe, we could go the distance after all'. 
In a world twisted inside out by madness, it went beyond all comprehensibility that such beauty could still be found in something as simple, as fleeting, as this young love into which he'd somehow been thrown so deep, he could barely fathom the cruel life he'd known before.

((I rewrote that last sentence so many times trying to make it sound fancy, and I just know I'm going to come back and read it tomorrow and think, "Pft. That's so lame."    ))

"A date?" Orion sounded pleasantly surprised, James saw, as he noticed a tiny smile flicker across the other man's lips. "That sounds wonderful. But are you sure? I mean, if anybody saw us, there would be talk for sure. I don't want to cause you any trouble."
The blonde could feel his own smirk fade just a little bit; that part was very true. No matter how much he had come to accept - even embrace - his sexuality in the past few weeks, very few people probably would. Aine was the only one he knew for sure. Cory might have, but he kind of blew everything with her after he'd ceased all communications with her. The last he had heard from Aine, Cory was completely pissed off at him. Not because he wasn't interested in her, but that he wouldn't grow a pair and tell her.
James sighed and shook his head softly. Now was not a good time to be thinking about the fiery redhead.
"But, yes. Of course I'll go on a date with you. Nothing would make me happier, except maybe a ten hour sleep."
He chuckled at the last part and nodded.
"Yeah, you definitely need a good sleep. Come on, I'll get you up to bed." He placed his hand on the small of Orion's back and guided him gently over to the ladder, nearly pushing him up it. It was a little tough, as the other man didn't seem to realize what was going on at first, but he eventually collapsed on the mattress. James sighed and cursed the university bunk beds once again.
"Are you good here or should I come read you a bedtime story?"

When James offered to get him to bed, Orion just stared blankly at him at first, his groggy mind not quite following. Then a hand touched the small of his back, and he stumbled obediently to his bed, letting James push him halfway up the ladder before he realized that he was supposed to be climbing. When the penny dropped, he quickly scrambled his way up the rest of the ladder, and collapsed onto the bed with a weary sigh, flopping tiredly back on the pillows. 
He just lay there a moment, staring up at the ceiling, then rolled his head lazily to the side when James asked, "Are you good here or should I come read you a bedtime story?"
"I'm not a child!" He objected, wrinkling his nose, then sticking his tongue out childishly at James, and stretching over to try and swat his head. He couldn't quite reach, but with a grunt of effort, he managed to brush his fingers over the top of his boyfriend's hair instead. "You can come up and chat to me, though." He added, seizing a stray lock, and tugging softly on it. "We're overdue on a late night - well, morning - talk anyway. We haven't talked properly in weeks." He tugged James's hair again, "I know that's pretty much entirely my fault, but I've missed you anyway."
His mouth opened into a wide yawn when he finished speaking, and he released James's hair with a grunt, scrubbing at his tired eyes with his fists. They felt dry and gritty, but no matter how much he knew he needed sleep, he craved James's company more. He couldn't help but remember that first, terrifying night when he had got drunker than somebody like him ought ever to get, and had slept the night with James at his side. Although he had panicked on waking, it had still been one of the best night's sleeps he'd had in years. 
"Come." He shifted over, and patted the empty spot on his bed, urging James to climb up and sit with him. "You need to tell me how that opera house gig is going. I can't believe I haven't had a chance to watch you yet..." The way his face crumpled, it was obvious that he really was upset about this. James's music had fast become the much-needed soundtrack to his life, and lately, that soundtrack had been far, far too quiet. It felt as if his very life had been put on hold.

A small smile touched James's mouth as Orion complained about not being a child. That was true, at least. The man had long outgrown his childhood years, much too soon for even an orphan. The thought saddened him, although he tried not to let it show. Orion was finally happy, and he didn't want to do anything to bring him down.
"You can come up and chat to me, though. We're overdue on a late night - well, morning - talk anyway. We haven't talked properly in weeks. I know that's pretty much entirely my fault, but I've missed you anyway."
Orion reached forward and tugged gently on q lock of James's blonde hair. James felt his eyes slowly flutter a bit at the contact; it felt good, he wasn't going to lie. It had been so long since he'd had any sort of physical affection - real physical affection - from, well, anyone. And it always felt nice when people played with his hair. How could he refuse an offer like this?
He sighed with amusement as Orion's word trailed off with a huge yawn that would put any lion to shame, barely coherent near the end of the sentence. Orion rubbed his eyes and then shifted over, leaving a gap wide enough for James.
"Come. You need to tell me how that opera house gig is going. I can't believe I haven't had a chance to watch you yet..."
As the blonde climbed the ladder, he could see that his boyfriend was genuinely distressed that he hadn't been able to make any performances. James immediately did as much as he could to soothe the man.
"It's no big deal, really." He said as he spread his body out on the mattress, lightly pressing up against Orion. He didn't know how much physical contact would be okay, especially in their current position. Absently, he wondered if it would go any further than just talking. Even as he entertained the notion, he knew that it was doubtful. Orion was still recovering from the incident with that woman, and trying to build up his self-esteem from those weeks of stripping. No, nothing was going to happen tonight. Even if Orion wanted, James would not let him do that to himself.
"I've only had two performances anyway. Remember, I told them I wouldn't play the entire weekend? Besides, I wasn't too spectacular at the music; it's difficult. Not that the audience could tell, though. I performed it well enough. They loved me." He chuckled, although it sounded a bit forced.

"It's no big deal, really." James assured him, and although Orion was not entirely convinced, he seemed to let it go when his boyfriend climbed up on the bed, stretching out over the covers, and shuffling close to him. He felt James's shoulders press lightly against his chest, and his eyes closed automatically as he bowed his head forward, breathing in the scent of him, and letting it drown out the vile stench of vomit, cigarettes and chemical perfume. A soft murmur of approval fluttered from his lips as he draped an arm absently around James. He touched his lips lightly to his boyfriend's neck, kissed him once, then just stayed still, enjoying the prickly feeling of the tiny hairs on the back of James's neck bristling under his lips. 
"I've only had two performances anyway." James continued, his voice sounding a million miles away as Orion kissed his neck again, and mumbled some dull some of acknowledgement. 
"Remember, I told them I wouldn't play the entire weekend? Besides, I wasn't too spectacular at the music; it's difficult. Not that the audience could tell, though. I performed it well enough. They loved me."
When he heard James chuckle, Orion lifted his head slightly, frowning into the silence that followed. He had grown familiar with James's forced laughs, and they usually meant that he was hiding something. 
"You don't sound too happy about that." Orion pointed out, lifting his hand from James's waist, and starting to brush his ruffled hair back from his face instead. He thought for a while, silently pondering what it was that had disappointed James. He supposed he was probably upset that he hadn't - in his opinion, anyway - played the pieces perfectly. James was always like that, but then again, Orion also knew that he probably could have got those pieces perfect if he'd really wanted to - no matter how difficult they were. This lead him to an entirely new possibility for the fluctuation in his boyfriend's mood. 
"You hoped you'd get to play your own music, didn't you?" He frowned, brushing the soft blonde locks back again, then planting a soft peck behind James's ear. "It's still early days. You should show the directors some of your work; maybe they'll let you design some of the soundtracks in future, at least for new operas." He posed it like a question, and tilted his head to catch James's eye, tugging on his hair again. He seemed to be making something of a habit of this, but it was not surprising. He had loved James's hair from the moment he'd set eye on him. It was, after all, the first thing about James that had reminded him of Luke, and although he loved his new boyfriend dearly, Luke would always hold a special place in his heart. If there was ever such a thing as 'the one', then Luke had been his. 
You shouldn't think like that. He warned himself, feeling a flicker of alarm shoot through him as he glanced down at James's handsome face, lying on the pillow. He was happy with James, he knew he was, so no good could possibly come from comparing this relationship to his last one. It was easy to idealise a dead man; he could never ask James to compete with something perfect. 
Besides, he is perfect for me, in his way. He reminded himself, Or at least, I think he's the closest thing to it that I'm going to find. 

"I'm proud of you, you know." Orion whispered into James's ear, surprising even himself with the words, "Not just because of what a talented musician you are - although that is pretty amazing - but-" He hesitated a moment, "Well, for the way you supported me tonight. If I'm totally honest with myself, I didn't expect that from you." He kissed James's ear, "I guess I'm just glad that when I gained a boyfriend, I didn't lose my best friend, either."

James almost jumped at the soft kisses Orion began slowly peppering onto his neck. It felt nice, but he was so unaccustomed to the sensation that it was all he could to not squirm away. Damn him for being so ticklish. He felt a hand resting on his waist, a warm reminder of safety and security, that someone else was there for him him and that he was wanted. This was also a feeling he was unaccustomed to - being wanted. Of course, his friends had always wanted him around, but this, this desire, it was different. Again, it felt good, but he was ticklish emotionally too. He found himself wanting to shy away from the connection. Mentally he wondered why he hadn't felt like this before; maybe it was because Orion's attentions had been diverted to other things, and now it felt weird to be in the spotlight.
"You don't sound too happy about that. You hoped you'd get to play your own music, didn't you? It's still early days. You should show the directors some of your work; maybe they'll let you design some of the soundtracks in future, at least for new operas."
James sighed. That wasn't it, that really wasn't the problem, although now that he had mentioned it, he supposed it bothered him as well. But the real disappointment was that no one understood his playing, no one understood how many painstaking hours he had put into practicing and still couldn't get it perfect, and even with the little tiny screw-ups, the missed grace notes, the forgotten accents that didn't seem to fit correctly into the piece - no one knew the difference. Not one member of the audience was able to get up and tell him what he had played wrong. They just didn't understand the music, they didn't appreciate it. And he wasn't sure if that was angering or disappointing or saddening or what. All he knew was that it made him upset.
"I'm proud of you, you know." James could sense a shift in the conversation here. "Not just because of what a talented musician you are - although that is pretty amazing - but- Well, for the way you supported me tonight. If I'm totally honest with myself, I didn't expect that from you. I guess I'm just glad that when I gained a boyfriend, I didn't lose my best friend, either."
The blonde shivered at the contact of lips on skin.
"You can't get rid of me that easily." He murmured, mind reeling as he tried to figure out what to say. "I don't change easily, I don't think. I may realize things, but they were there all along. I just needed help uncovering them."
He sighed and turned over so that he was on his side, facing Orion. "You know- I-" He stopped and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to figure out the words he was trying to say, how to materialize the emotion. In the end, he couldn't, so he quickly amended. "I think that you should get some sleep." A small smile touched his mouth; it wasn't a lie. He reached out a hand and let it rest against Orion's ribs.

Orion felt James shiver, and he smiled to himself, pleased by the effect that his actions had. It was an incredible feeling; being able to evoke this kind of real, physical response from another person with just a touch. After feeling for so long that his presence in James's life held barely any consequence, to see the result of it now was almost intoxicating. It made him want to kiss James more, push him further, see how much he could make him squirm... But there was a time and place for such thoughts, and lying in bed with James's back pressed against him was neither. He kissed James's neck again to distract himself, and looked up when the other man murmured, "You can't get rid of me that easily."
"Thank God." He smiled, chuckling under his breath.
"I don't change easily, I don't think. I may realize things, but they were there all along. I just needed help uncovering them."
Orion thought about this a moment, then nodded, uttering a soft grunt of agreement under his breath. That made sense. It was like when he had first come out to James, and the other man had admitted to being a homophobe. He wasn't really. Or at least, Orion didn't believe he was. He'd just been confused... Just needed help 'uncovering' how he really felt. James hid from his own feelings a lot, he thought. 

A soft sigh caught his attention, and Orion looked up when James rolled to face him. He smiled gently; then James looked at him and tried, "You know- I-"
"Yes?" He urged gently, peering into the boy's rich, golden eyes, willing him - for once - to say what he was feeling. 
"I think that you should get some sleep."
His lips tightened in disappointment, and he answered, "I think it's stupid to buy bottled water when it falls free from the sky every other day, but people do it anyway."
James's hand was on his side, so Orion laid his own over it as he frowned at his boyfriend, studying his face. He loved the way James's fringe fell so messily over his eyes, for once untamed by any kind of comb or fancy hair product. It made the other man feel more real, more accessible, like maybe the rift between them could really be overcome this time. 
Let your guard down, James. Let yourself be vulnerable. Let me in.
"Tell me what you really wanted to say." He pleaded softly, reaching out to lift James's fringe with his knuckles. "I want to know what goes on in that beautiful head of yours. You're always so guarded, like you're scared to say what you want to say..." For a moment he considered James with a thoughtful frown, then his lips curved slowly to form a sweet smile, and he whispered, "One day, I'll teach you to believe in yourself like I believe in you."
I never got the chance with Luke... But this time around, I'm not letting this boy go a damn second without knowing just how bloody special he is.

James knew that Orion knew that he was going to say something important, and he also knew that the other man was extremely disappointed when he didn't say it. After making a snarky comment about how things that should happen didn't and was silent for a moment.
Then he said, "Tell me what you really wanted to say. I want to know what goes on in that beautiful head of yours. You're always so guarded, like you're scared to say what you want to say..."
James started to shake his head, that that wasn't the reason why he'd chosen not to say anything, but he didn't have enough time. Orion interjected again, "One day, I'll teach you to believe in yourself like I believe in you."
And that was that. The tiny sentence took James's breath away in a passive way. The air didn't just rush out of his lungs; he just found that he wasn't able to breath, that his heart was stammering way too quickly and his thoughts were bumping into each other too rapidly to remember anything, including breathing.
At first he was confused, because he believed in himself, and everyone knew it. They all called him a narcissistic bastard behind his back, especially at the Opera House, and he tended to believe them. He strutted around like he was perfect, because if he did that, he might actually think that.
But that was exactly the problem. It was all a cover, a mask to hide the crushing lack of self-esteem that he had for himself, because if he was being honest, the only things he was good at were music and science. And now that he couldn't get that damn piece right, it looked to be that he wasn't even good at that anymore...
But he couldn't tell Orion that, even though he seemed to already know, so he simply murmured. "Okay, now go to sleep." Doggedly avoiding the question, he rolled over onto his other side, facing away from Orion and snuggled into the other man, pressing tightly against him. It felt weird being the little spoon, especially because he was slightly taller, but it seemed that this would be the only way to stop the conversation in its tracks. He gently felt around for Orion's hand, and after finding it, placed it on his hip, letting his fingers twine in between the other man's.

When James spoke, his response was disappointing, but that was just fine, because Orion had seen his reaction. He'd seen his eyes go wide, his lips part just a little, and he'd recognized the shock in his boyfriend's features when his words hit home. He had seen the effect of what he'd said in James, and he was glad, because he'd meant every word. He knew that James wasn't necessarily as confident as he'd have people believe, and now that James knew that he knew that, and that he planned to change it, he felt almost like he had already done some good. 
That was why he didn't object when James's short answer came. 
"Okay,"
"Okay?" He teased gently, smirking.
"Now go to sleep."
A breathed an amused laugh, then shook his head and answered teasingly, "Yes, Dear."

James rolled away from him, and he allowed it, shuffling a little closer to curve his body loosely around his boyfriend's. A warm hand found his, and he squeezed the fingers in response, then felt his palm settle over James's hip. He felt the faint ache of smiling in his cheeks, and it showed in his lips as he pecked James's ear and whispered, "Goodnight." He paused, hesitated a moment, then repeated for the third time that day the words that he had been shying away from ever since his first embarrassing, hurtful confession. "I..." He took a second for second guessing, "I love you, you know."
He waited a moment, then squeezed James's hand and whispered another quick ''night', before finally allowing himself a huge, tired yawn. He snuggled warmly up to James, pulling up the covers, and closed his eyes. Feeling the gentle warmth of another body against his was pure bliss; there was nothing more comforting to him than the soft rise and fall of James's chest as he breathed, except perhaps for the steady thumping of his heart. It made Orion feel whole again, for recently he had been feeling more shattered and alone than ever before. He needed this, and James had clearly sensed it. This just made him more determined than ever to be the very best boyfriend he could possibly be; forever.

When Orion told James that he loved him, it felt weird. There was a faint, uneasy tensing in his chest, some sort of reflex or something, and he found it almost difficult to push out the words back - even though he knew that he felt them.
"I love you, too." He murmured, grateful that he was turned away. His eyes always gave away his confusion.
He would have loved to stay awake and think about his feelings, but honestly, it was two in the morning, and he was exhausted, and sleep quickly overcame him, crushing any cognitive functions with a mighty fist.

***

Despite the evening's escapes, James woke up at his normal time. If he hadn't had anything to drink the night before, he was usually an early riser, no matter how little sleep he had gotten the night before. Thinking of that made him realize that he hadn't touched a can of beer in about three weeks - at least since the time since the day on the hill, and he couldn't tell how long it had been since before then. Briefly he wondered why that was, but then decided he didn't care. He just didn't have a thirst like he used to, he supposed.
Shrugging away from Orion's arm, which had been flung over him in the middle of the night, he descended quietly down the ladder, heading into the bathroom and washing up before throwing on a new set of clothes - his usual khaki pants with a pale grey polo shirt. He took a few moments to comb his hair to the side as he typically did, but then pushed it back in front of his eyes again. Orion liked it better this way, he remembered.
With a sigh, he padded out of the bathroom and left the room quietly, moving to the cafeteria with long, graceful strides. He was just getting the end of the morning rush; other students were streaming past him, and he found it hard to fight the living current. Eventually, he did make it to the dining hall, where only a few choices were left.
James frowned and grabbed two trays, poring over the food critically. As it became clear that the lady behind the counter was getting irritated with his slowness, he grabbed two plates of scrambled eggs and a large stack of pancakes, making certain to pick up a few little packets of syrup and butter as well. He quickly swiped his credit card to pay for the meal, and headed back into the dorm. He stopped at a vending machine on the corner and bought two bottles of orange juice to go with.
It proved to be a difficult task opening the door, but somehow he managed, barely stumbling over to his desk in time to avoid spilling the eggs all over the place.
"Wake up, sunshine!" James called, throwing open the blinds with gusto. "It's already eight in the morning of a very important and beautiful day! No need to sleep! We have things to do!"
He chuckled and walked over to the bed, the room being too small to run. He carefully climbed the first rung and peeked his head just over the mattress.

The next morning came too soon. Perhaps that was mainly to do with the fact that it had been upon them already before they'd even gone to sleep, but that was irrelevant. All Orion cared about when he heard James's shrill voice trilling across the room and felt the light hit his eyelids like a blinding punch was the fact that he had hardly slept more than two or three hours a night for the last couple of weeks. He could have quite gladly stayed in bed forever.
A low groan voiced this sentiment as he squirmed away from the light, burying his face into the pillow with a muffled, "Nuh-uh."
There was silence, then soft footsteps padded across the room. He felt eyes boring into the side of his head, but his pillow was so soft, so warm, that he told himself stubbornly to ignore them. Nothing in the world could get him out of bed at that moment. Except for... He sniffed absently as a tantalising scent wafted across the room, and when it tickled his nostrils, one of his eyes cracked open curiously. The salty sweetness of butter on pancakes and the hot aroma of fresh scrambled egg made his stomach growl, and suddenly hunger began to battle his sleepiness. When he caught a glimpse of James peeping at him over the edge of the bed, that sealed the deal once and for all. 

"Hmmm..." He groaned, breaking into a chuckle as he wrinkled his nose in mock annoyance. "You can't be making that face s'early in the morning." He mumbled tiredly, voice slurred by sleepiness. "G'way." Orion gave his boyfriend's head a fond little shove, then slowly heaved himself into a sitting position. His fists scrubbed at his eyes as his mouth stretched into a wide yawn, wafting out a cloud of surprisingly minty breath. Great morning breath was one of the few perks of only getting to sleep in the early hours. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, moistening his dry palate with a spongy tongue. It didn't take long for his mouth to start watering when the scent of the food hit again. This time, sitting up with his green-streaked hair tousled handsomely from rest, he perked up at the scent, taking an appreciative sniff and looking around. His eyes found the steaming plate of food on the desk, and his face split into a grin. 
"Aw, James, you bloody brilliant little thing, you." He enthused, hopping down from the bed in one quick movement, then stumbling over to toss his arm roughly around James's shoulders. He yanked him close and gave him a loud, wet kiss on the ear, then fluffed his hair at the back as he released him, turning to the food with gusto. "I could eat a horse!" He declared seriously, grabbing a plate of scambled eggs, and shoving a spoon into it. He lifted it - heaped and wobbling - to his lips, and swallowed the whole lot. "You might just be the best boyfriend in the world." He mumbled, mouth already half-full with the next spoonful of egg, "Seriously, a guy works up a hell of an appetite getting dollar bills stuffed down his jocks'."
Ordinarily one might argue that it was too soon for jokes, but as usual, Orion's dry humour knew no limits. He stuffed more eggs into his mouth, then grunted when he realized - too late - that it could really use a little more salt. There were some packets on the tray, so he tore one open and shook it over the remainder of his bowl. His next mouthful was too salty, but he was too hungry to care anyway. Slumping heavily down in the one chair at the desk, he kicked the other out for James, and nodded to it with a smile. His cheeks - so gaunt and grey for the last few weeks - were flushed a little now, and his eyes twinkled with a light that before had seemed extinguished. He was happy again after the events of the previous night, and it showed. It was amazing, really, just how much he could cope with when he had somebody like James at his side to support him. He wanted to be strong, wanted to stay positive, for his boyfriend's sake if nothing else. It made sense, he supposed. When the universe had put him together (for he stiff refused to believe in God) it had made him as one half of a whole. Without somebody to complete, he himself was but a piece. For all of his loneliness and solitude, he needed somebody to love. Not anybody, but somebody special. Somebody like James. Like Luke.

James allowed himself a small smile, but nearly fell over from the surprise bear hug that came after Orion vaulted down from his bed.
"Aw, James, you bloody brilliant little thing, you. I could eat a horse!" He exclaimed, plopping a kiss on his ear. James blushed at the contact; Orion's newly found genuine affection was going to take a bit of getting used to.
The two men sat down at the desk, the blonde much more elegantly than the dark haired one. Orion nearly inhaled his food, stopping in between mouthfuls to mutter half-formed, incomprehensible sentences. James rolled his eyes, pretending to understand fore the time being. He assumed that he was just repeating unnecessary compliments and thank yous for the breakfast. In stark contrast to Orion's frantic pace, James took his time, making sure to cut each pancake into tiny slices and spread the butter evenly. As he was pouring pepper onto his eggs, he looked up to see Orion finishing the last bit of his meal, a huge smile on his face that could not have come from the food alone.
James chuckled in amusement and set to work on eating. It took another ten minutes, and since he absolutely refused to talk whilst eating - that would be absolutely horrible manners! - it was a quiet time. As he scraped up the last of the syrup and wiped it from his mouth with his napkin, his eyes wandered around his boyfriend's face until they found a pair of striking green eyes. They took his breath away once again, just as they always did.
"So..." He began, throat dry even though he had jut had an entire bottle of orange juice. "What do you want to do today?"
Almost involuntarily, his eyes drifted downwards to Orion's lips, where he found a few salt crystals resting on the pink flesh, apparently unnoticed by the man. Hesitantly, he reached out his thumb and brushed them away gently, lingering a few moments longer than necessary. His eyes flickered up once again to meet Orion's, although the top of his fringe partially blocked his gaze.

Being from a vastly different upbringing, Orion initially mistook James's good manners for an antisocial attitude, and ended up rocking on his chair and swinging his legs impatiently while he waited for James to finish eating, having given up on talking. He didn't mind, of course. He knew how James was with people, and honestly, it was one of the things he loved about him; but even so, he was tired of waiting. When last had he taken some quality time to spend with his boyfriend, especially when James had been the one to initiate it. That had almost never happened. 

Finally, James finished his stack of pancakes and dabbed the syrup from his mouth in a prissy fashion that left Orion wondering how he'd ever believed himself to be straight, then he looked up, and Orion smiled automatically when their eyes met. Sitting back in his chair, he waited like some loyal hound for his next instruction. As it turned out, James had decided to put the date into his hands.
"So... What do you want to do today?"
He considered this, scrunching his mouth thoughtfully to one side, but before he could reach any real conclusion, a soft thumb touched his lips and startled him out of his thoughts. He looked at James, surprised, and found the other man staring intently at his lip as he wiped away a few stray granules of salt.
Had he imagined it, or had James lingered a little there?
The eyes that flicked up to meet his confirmed the guess, and as James peeked at him from behind that gorgeous golden fringe, Orion felt the corner of his mouth twist upwards. 

Cautiously, in case he had misread the signs, Orion shifted forward and reached for James's face, trailing the back of his finger softly under his fringe, then down the side of his face, stopping just under his chin. "Well..." His thumb gently massaged James's jaw, "I know how I'd like to start..." His one eyebrow lifted at the edge, curving quirkily, and the bad-boy smirk on his lips looked like it belonged in a copy of Playgirl. He knew that he looked damn sexy, and it was no accident. This 'look' of his had been carefully developed over many a date with his bathroom mirror, although of course he would never admit to that. He still maintained that it was something everybody did when they were alone; sucking their cheeks in or pouting their lips; trying to figure out at which angle their face looked most attractive. When it came down to it, people were frightfully shallow creatures.
The thought shamed him a little, so he stopped flirting and combed his fingers through James's hair, tilting his head forward just a little to invite his boyfriend in for a kiss. He sensed some uncertainty from James, so he did not set out to instigate it himself. Better let his boyfriend come to him, if and when he was ready.

"Well... I know where I'd like to start..."
The look that accompanied that sentence was enough to make James squirm in his seat. The tiny smirk on Orion's lips hinted that he had something devious in mind, and the idea sent his heart racing in his chest. He could feel his blood pounding in his ears and the pulse in his neck fluttering. He wasn't exactly sure what his boyfriend had in mind for this date, but it sounded very... adventurous. Absently, he wondered how far Orion was willing to go - and in all honesty, how far he was willing to go. Sure, he'd had sex before, but that was when he was trying to prove himself and was drunk. He wasn't sure if he'd do it again. Sure, the blonde had been pretty, but he wasn't really into that. Especially with another man. There would always be a first time for everything, but he wasn't sure if he was ready for that step in his relationship yet.
Orion then leaned in, obviously going for a kiss, but stopped just short, letting James finish it. Maybe it was one of Orion's insecurities, that he didn't want to always be the one initiating things. James knew that it was like that for him - he liked to feel wanted. But obviously Orion did want him, so he closed the gap between their mouths in a delicate kiss. It was simple and sweet, just a gentle touch of their lips. When he pulled away, the tiny smile on his face said that he wasn't willing for anything intimate to happen just yet.
"We've got later if you're still feeling up for it." James said. "Besides, it's too nice of a day to spend it all inside. I say we go for a picnic up to Nettle's again, or somewhere else if you know a place."
He pushed back his chair and got up from the desk, cleaning up the remains of their breakfast and putting the dishes out in the hallway for pickup. He hadn't finished his eggs - or any of his meal really - so he scraped the scraps of food into the garbage can.
"Thoughts?"

Orion was not disappointed. Perhaps the kiss was no the saucy make-out session that he had been going for, but given the hour and the night's events, he was far from displeased regarding this fact. Instead, he accepted James's kiss gratefully - a sweet little thing, with lips slightly apart, and a subtle squeak of damp lips meeting. They parted after a handful of hurried heartbeats, and Orion returned James's smile fondly, his green eyes searching adoringly over the handsome features of the man before him. He loved that little ridge in James's brow, and the way his eyebrows curved in he classical way of a scholar. He loved the sharpness of his cheekbones, and the smooth, flawless skin on his jaw, never so much as hinting at stubble, no matter how old the day grew. His entire face was pristine in its cleanliness, and Orion felt lucky to - in some way - possess such magnificence. It seemed almost unfair that he should get to keep James all to himself, and yet-
Wait, what was with that strange smile, anyway?
"What?" He asked, tilting his head and blinking blankly at James.
"We've got later if you're still feeling up for it." The blonde replied, "Besides, it's too nice of a day to spend it all inside. I say we go for a picnic up to Nettle's again, or somewhere else if you know a place."
"Huh?" His face crumpled in confusion, "Up for what? What~?" His voice took on a sing-song lilt, and with a dismissive wave of his hand, he laughed it off, oblivious to whatever James was implying. Whatever conversation his boyfriend had just had with himself, Orion was clearly not following. As he watched, the other man stood and crossed the room, emptying his scraps into the bin, then asking Orion's thoughts on the matter. His brow furrowed again as he quickly considered it, then softened into a cheerful line.
"Well, a picnic sounds great." He concluded, "But yeah, maybe somewhere new. I don't know many places around here, but I'm up for an adventure if you are. If we just drive around a little, we're bound to find somewhere nice. When all's said and done, there are some stunning places in this old shithole to just sit and be." An itch crept up his back, and he reached around to scratch it with a satisfied little grunt, then glanced across the room, where is eyes settled eagerly over his guitar. "D'you wanna do some jamming?" He asked, looking back at James, "It's been a while since I really played, and you know how I love listening to you. Besides," He flashed a shy little grin, "I feel like we kind of bond over music. I mean, when we're playing, it's like," He shrugged, "I don't know. I feel close to you or something. Does that make any sense?"

James frowned at Orion's lack of understanding. Maybe he hadn't been implying all that James thought he had been. That was an unsettling thought; maybe James didn't know Orion as well as he thought that he did.
With a sigh, he listened as Orion threw out a few suggestions. "Well, a picnic sounds great. But yeah, maybe somewhere new. I don't know many places around here, but I'm up for an adventure if you are. If we just drive around a little, we're bound to find somewhere nice. When all's said and done, there are some stunning places in this old shithole to just sit and be."
That was a nice way of putting things, James thought with a small smile finding its way onto his face, easing away the tension that had formed. What did it matter if they understood each other perfectly anyway? No one was able to do that. He needed to stop setting unrealistic expectations for their relationship.
That's what you do best, though, a dry voice in the back of his mind whispered. Nothing is ever good enough for you.
He pushed that thought away with unease. That was a problem for a different day; right now he needed to focus on Orion, and that was it.
"Does that make any sense?"
Orion's voice startled him from his reverie. "What?" He asked stupidly as he realized that he hadn't been paying attention. Before he could get an answer though, his phone began vibrating against his leg. He shot an apologetic glance at his boyfriend and pulled it out. Chang.
Shit.
"Doran." He answered with a cool, professional voice.
"James, one of our performers cancelled tonight." The man's voice was calm and collected, but he could sense a brewing anger beneath it. He was seething with rage, and James couldn't help but pity the other performer. "Would it be possible to come in today to fill in?"
James couldn't speak. He could feel his eyes going wide with the shock of the request, the ridiculousness of the entire situation, but didn't have enough control over his body to keep a calm mask to reassure Orion, who was sure to be very confused at this point.
The silence continued.
"James?" Chang's voice now had a hint of irritation, which immediately snapped James out of his catatonic state.
"Uh, yeah, I think that should work." He managed, his voice a little sick. He couldn't just refuse Chang this if he wanted to keep this job, but what about his date with Orion? Spending the entire day with the man so that he wouldn't feel so alone? And then there was the part of Chang cutting Orion off. Would Orion want James to cut all ties with Chang as revenge? Was there some way he could use his talent as leverage to get funds for his boyfriend?
His head was so clouded with thoughts that he almost missed Chang's instructions.
"Good. You will come in at noon to rehearse. Your performance is at eight. We will talk about the payment afterwards."
Eight hours to practice and get an entire symphony down. That would be tough, but not impossible, especially because it would probably be nowhere near as difficult as what he normally did. Hopefully.
"That sounds like a plan." He murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. He was vaguely aware of the phone clicking on the other end and the sound of the line going dead.
James turned his eyes to look at Orion, a small, sad smile touching his mouth. "How about an evening watching me perform?" He asked, his eyes begging for forgiveness.

Orion looked to James for a response, raising an eyebrow, and was a little disappointed when he only got back a distracted, 'what?'.
"What?" He repeated with mock indignation, "Listen when I'm baring my soul, you narcissistic bastard!" With a teasing smirk, he aimed a swat at James's head, only to have his playfulness interrupted by the sound of a phone ringing. He stopped, and he and James glanced as one to the light in his pocket. His boyfriend shot him an apologetic glance, and Orion shrugged, responding with an amiable smile. He left James to chat while he wandered around the room, grabbing some of his stray belongings and neatening up his space. He kept an eye on his boyfriend all the while, watching him from the corner of his eye, and he soon found his brow furrowing in concern when he saw James's horrified expression.

By the time he hung up the phone Orion was facing him, arms folded, waiting for the bad news. James looked at him with eyes like a basset hound, and asked tentatively, "How about an evening watching me perform?"
Orion considered him, that guilty, apologetic expression on his face, and he thought of Mr. Chang, and how that bastard had screwed him over so badly, and caused such hell for him. He knew a good boyfriend would smile and say 'sure, great, sounds amazing!', but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
"I don't know." He admitted, cringing, and now looking rather contrite himself, "Don't get me wrong, nothing would make me happier than seeing you perform. Well, except punching old Chang so hard between the legs that his testicles shoot out through his nose, but that's kind of an issue, because I don't want to go to jail." He laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. There was a moment's silence, then he added more seriously, "I really want to, but I don't know. I really don't want to run into Chang right now, I don't know what I'd..." He trailed off, shuddering at the mere thought. "It's okay, though." He assured James quickly, forcing a smile, "I mean, it's no problem if we just postpone our date. We have all the time in the world, right?"

As soon as James saw Orion's expression, he knew that it was too much to ask. The other man had only quit his stripping job last night for God's sake - and technically he hadn't quit yet. Chang was responsible for that by cutting off funding, and that didn't seem to be the sort of thing that Orion was willing to overlook.
"I don't know. Don't get me wrong, nothing would make me happier than seeing you perform. Well, except punching old Chang so hard between the legs that his testicles shoot out through his nose, but that's kind of an issue, because I don't want to go to jail."
James had to chuckle at the description, but the words confirmed what he had been thinking. His mind raced frantically for a solution to the problem. It always seemed like there was a problem between them in his opinion, as if some greater being liked to torment them for her enjoyment ((cough Polo)).
"I really want to, but I don't know. I really don't want to run into Chang right now, I don't know what I'd... It's okay, though. I mean, it's no problem if we just postpone our date. We have all the time in the world, right?"
There it was, a forced crooked smile that nearly broke his heart. Why the hell did everything have to be so complicated?
"Tell you what." James said, his eyebrows furrowing together as he tried to piece together a plan. We can spend the morning together, until I have to go rehearse, and then Aine can come spend the evening with you so that you're not too lonely without me." There was a smile on his mouth, but no twinkle in his eyes that showed he was joking. One of the reasons that he'd wanted a date-day was to keep an eye on Orion, to see how he was holding up, to make sure he didn't do anything rash...
But then again, he wasn't always super perceptive. He could count on Aine to pick up on any bad signals that his boyfriend was giving, anything that he would need to concern himself with.
Then another thought dawned on him, and he struggled to keep from blushing as he stammered over his words. "I- I mean if you want. She would know something is wrong, and I didn't know if you'd want to tell her or have her guessing at it." He dropped his gaze to the ground, mentally kicking himself. Of course Orion wouldn't want Aine sniffing around this mystery like a bloodhound. No one ever wanted to find out their dirty little secrets, and Orion seemed particularly inclined to keep his in the dark. He remembered how difficult it was to get him to reveal it last night.
Awkwardly, James scratched the back of his neck, subconsciously picking up on the motion that Orion always used. He kept his eyes on the ground.