Polo! (how many RPs do you do at any one time? xD)

((I told you, I make all of this up as I go along. XD I'm sure I'll come up with something. Hehe!
YAY!! *Claps* I can't wait!
And you know, our RP's anniversary is in just over a week!!! *Freaks out* Methinks we both have to try to post on that day to celebrate. Haha!

Wanna hear the scandal of the century? O.o Polo is listening (And singing along) to... Atomic Kitten. XD

"I'm not the kinda girl who gives up just like that... Oh Nooooooo~! The tide is high but I'm holding on, I'm gonna be your number one..." XD

*Dies from laughter*

Right... To the short RP? O.o We need twist ideas there, too. THINK, Polo, THINK! XD ))

((You're right. You're good at that. XD
Wow, is it? Woot! You're right, we really should. That's something I'll really have to practice, though!

Atomic Kitten?
Polo... *pokes* Are you feeling okay?
*poke poke poke...*

*shrugs*
*sings*

"Every girl wants you to be her man, but I'll wait right here 'til it's my turn. I'm not the kinda girl who gives up just like that..."

The most ANNOYING song from the nineties, other than Tragedy by Steps. Honestly.

I'm still obsessed with Oblivion. I love it! It's epic. ^_^
"On an island out in the sea, I wouldn't care what they think of me. But in this crowded room I believe that I'm seconds from insanity... Welcome to Oblivion!"


We really do. I think I have one. It's not particularly good, but it's nice and dramatic to traumatise our emotional charris further.

((It's what I do. Haha!

SO AWESOME, right? And don't worry - me too. XD Just you wait - I'll end up taking forever and a day to reply to this now.

I am not. I've been sick all day, and happy all weekend. I guess this is the end result! Haha!

*Sings along with Dreambug*

Oblivion? O.o Band? I don't believe I've heard them... *Ponders*

Ooooooh!!! Do share! Please? PLEASE??!))

((It certainly is.
I bet it won't. Mine was only around 1300 words, and it took me a week to reply. That's quite bad.

Sick? Oh dear. I hope you feel better soon!

Nah, it's Welcome To Oblivion by Madina Lake. I love it! Do listen-eth. ^_^

Damn... I've kinda missed to moment. No matter, I'll make it work in my next post. Although my dad may be throwing me off for a few minutes. But I'll definitely reply tonight! ^_^))

((It's because Kougu and Charlie aren't together. Fail. XD

I won't. :/ *Sigh* But I'm mentally well, at least, so it's all good! The AHS ban was finally lifted, and team fluff emerged like a bat from hell! > Finola came first - Badger 2nd and 3rd - and Moony Moo Jumped beautifully, but missed the places because his stoopid rider messed up. And today he and Badger both jumped clear at the little practice eventing show. *Is proud of Fluffs*

Ooooh, I definitely will!!!

D: Tell. Me. Twist. XD
And reply quickly, or I shall be very upset. *Nods convincingly*
Hope you won't be thrown off for long... If you are, I won't share my pizza with you. :3 ))

((Good point. XD And Charlie's not really doign anything other than sitting there, being sad and feeling sorry for herself.

*glomps* You will! Well, youwon't iof you have that attitude. *pokes* Stop being physically depressed, you have amazing fluffs to be proud of!
So some epic results, then! They did... Well... As best as they could do. ^_^ *hands over trophy* (Okay, it's not a trophy. But it's the closest smiley to a trophy that I could find. XD)

Do. You vill lik-eth it.

Posted! It won't keep them occupied for long - unless Dreambug goes into the imaginary world of Leon and Abby and nudges her off the edge...
oooh, pizza! I'm not actually meant to be having pizza, or junk food, or anything bad for my weight at the moment. My mum's made me snack on raisings and dried dates and apricots for the weekend. Have you ever tried a dried date? they look disgusting, taste nice for about three seconds then they start to make you feel sick. It's like someone sipping a whole jar of golden syrup through a straw. ))

((Haha! That sounds about right.

*Glomps* Why thank you! *Takes trophy* I was actually feeling better, until I pigged out on blue cheese pizza. Now I feel like a pig. Blue cheese is RICH! But I love it so...

*Headesk* I keep forgetting. I totally will, though.

It. Was. So. EPIC!!! My little brainish thing is already bursting with Leon's ideas. XD Haha!
And don't you dare, or I'll set Kougu's Daddy on you.
Ooooh, or Cole. XD
Ew - that sounds yucky. :/ Dude, try dried pears. Dried pears are YUMMY!!! And dried Apricots are quite nice... But dates are GROSS! I got some for my fluffs once, and... Yuck. And raisins... Let's just say there's a reason I started my Ponybox Raisin Haters Club.

When did our epic RP become our chat zone? O.o ))

((Happy RP Anniversary, Dreamehkins. ^_^ ))


“My real company?” The man asked curiously, letting his head tilt slightly to one side – not unlike Kougu when he was confused about something.
“Oh, but Charlie…” He laughed, “I’m a businessman. Habitats for Humanity is my real company. One of them, anyway.” With a smile sweet as honey, he folded his fingers together into a steeple, and rested his elbows on the smart mahogany desk before him.
“You’d be surprised how many businesses have the names of one of my aliases in their top ranks. I’m rather an influential man in the business world, my dear… In fact, I would usually just have sent one of my underlings to speak to you about the house. But of course, you’re different, aren’t you now…?” He trailed off, and again that kind, contagious smile lifted his lips.
There was something about him… About the way he looked, and the way he spoke, that made a person desperate to please him. He was a leader, through and through. And every word that left his lips was a strand in some intricate web… A web to slowly wrap around his victim, and draw her ever deeper into his little mind games.
“I’m a businessman.” He repeated again, “My only concern is for the success of my businesses. All of them… What reason could I possibly have to damage my own son?” His eyes widened, and he blinked with convincing innocence, his handsome face smooth and charming as ever.
He was used to getting his way, and it showed. Not a single stress line – not even one. What reason had he to worry?
“Surely, Charlie, a sensible girl like you can’t believe the garbage he spills out? Think about it…” He frowned, “And I mean, really think. What do you know about Kougu?” He gave her a moment to consider this, then went on – lowering his voice just slightly in an attempt to let his words sink into her thoughts before she had registered his speech. It was just one of his many tactics… A little building block in his complex strategy.
“He’s not completely stable, is he…? Mentally, I mean. Nothing he does makes sense… He’s bipolar, hallucinatory, unethical, dishonest, insomniac, violent, self destructive… Often in your favour, true, but regardless of whether or not they serve you well – those aren’t quite traits of a sane person, are they…? His personality is hardly the sort you expect to stumble across in the real world. Our world, of real people trying to make a living, become successful, or just get by… Provide a roof over the heads of their loved ones.” He slipped in the final comment with an undetectable hint of satisfaction trickling over his tongue. There was a bullet she couldn’t dodge – he knew he’d be in her head with that one. Perhaps it was not in context, but it didn’t have to be… It was the emotional response he was looking for. Once he had her in a specific state of mind, it wouldn’t even matter what he said. She’d believe every word, because he was just a puppeteer playing with her strings…
“Not really a respectable person, is he…? And so secretive…” He frowned slightly, displaying the confused, suspicious emotion on his face in the hope that Charlie’s would mirror it, and thus let his words become her thoughts… “He knows all sorts of strange, violent tactics… He has control over the police force… He refuses to enter hospitals, even when in danger of dying… He’s so well trained in everything, yet he knows nobody – and nobody knows him. And then there’s that house, and that door… You don’t know what’s behind there, do you? You say you don’t care, because you trust him and it doesn’t matter… But you want to know, don’t you? It’s natural curiosity. Besides, you have a right to know. Relationships should be built on honesty and communication, not on secrets.”
He trailed off, then let his voice lift to an octave higher, reverting to speaking directly to Charlie, rather than trying to speak to her mind alone.
“Seems to me he’d be more suited to an asylum, or even Area 51!” He laughed, throwing in some lighthearted humour, and flashing another of his charming smiles. “Ah, but believe me, we tried to fix him…” He trailed off, frowning and biting his lip. The worried expression was perfectly engineered to pluck at the heartstrings. The raw emotion in his eyes was such an aberration compared to his usual businesslike actions that it caused an electric shock of empathy.
He would force his fake emotion on Charlie, whether she liked it or not. She would sympathize with him.
“We sent him to a psychiatrist, but it was too unsettling for him to go outside… So we brought one into our home, but he only got worse. Eventually, my late wife decided to take matters into her own hands.”
His voice turned gruff with grief – the sort of unquestionable, passionate grief that nobody could fake. Nobody… Bar one.
“She tried so hard to fix him, but eventually the boy snapped. I lost my whole family… And then I had to run. I had to change my identity, I had to learn to defend myself… Because I knew that I would be next. He is still – to this day – convinced that it is my fault.”
He threw his hands up in a helpless gesture. “Look at me, Charlie…” Using her name, he drew her personally closer to his dilemma.
Ha. I’m so good at this, it’s laughable.
“Do I look like I can control minds?!” He tugged at his hair in frustrated incredulity. “I’m just a man, for Pete’s sake! I’m not some sort of evil genius or mad scientist.” He rolled his eyes, “This is the real world… But he just can’t see that.”
He broke off with a heavy sigh.
“I’m sorry… You don’t need to know my life’s story, and you must be wondering why I’m boring you with it. But Charlie, this is why I wanted to talk to you personally. I know you’ve become close to my son… I know, because like any good father, I do still have my methods of keeping an eye on him.” He winked, “He is the only family I have left, after all… Even if he is a little ‘off’. I have to protect him. But Charlie, I want to protect you, too. You’re a good kid…”
He covered her hand with his, and shifted his expression into one of fatherly worry.
He knew that Charlie had lost her father. Carl Atkinson… ((I think that was the name? XD ))
Naturally, he had every speck of information ever gathered about this man, and he had studied it religiously. Drawing a picture of Carl’s kind smile into his head, the man mimicked it exactly on his own face. Then, with the utmost subtlety, he altered his voice to sound like Carl’s.
This is almost too easy…
“I don’t want to see you hurt, Charlie, so I have to warn you – be careful of Kougu. I can’t ask you to stay away from him, because as a father, the last thing I want to do is take away the one thing that really seems to make him happy, but- Oh, I don’t know. Just be careful of him, please. I lost my entire family, every last one of them.” Just the faintest narrowing of his eyes, to indicate to Charlie without her noticing that this information was important.
Your entire family, Charlie. Every last one of them.
“I just don’t want to see you hurt in the same way.”
In the same way I was, or in the way my family was? Maybe both…? Think about it. Think, Charlie…
“You’re a good kid.” He repeated again, squeezing her hand one last time before getting to his feet.

He turned away, and rummaged through the files on his desk. “Ah, here it is…” He said with a smile, taking out a big yellow envelope. “This contains all the ownership and insurance forms for your new home. I’ve already arranged to have it rebuilt.” He smiled, “Just sign wherever it asks for your name, and show those forms to whomever it may concern. Everything is taken care of. Give it a few weeks, and you’ll have a house again.”
He held out his hand.
“Good luck, Charlie.”

And just like that, I take the queen.
Check.
Nobody comes back after losing their queen, boy… Not against me. Unless you can get a pawn to the other side…
Checkmate.
It’s nothing personal – it’s all just fun and games. I’ll get you back under my control, boy, and together we’ll create this new world. A world cleansed of sinners, over which I will rule as the voice of judgment.
MY will be done.
I shall be a god, and thee my unholy messenger.


Kougu had just arrived outside. He was out of breath, and clutching the very disgruntled Tabby perhaps a little too tightly. She gave a muffled meow, then squirmed desperately. “Sorry…” Kougu apologized humbly, bending to set the Tabby on the ground. She glared at him, flicking her tail in irritation, then began elegantly licking her mussed fur. With every lick, she flashed Kougu a withering glare.
“I said I was sorry!” He repeated with a cringe, “What more do you want me to do?”
“Mow.”
He snorted in annoyance. “Well I’m not doing that.”

What aren’t you doing?
What do YOU care?
I don’t. I’m just curious as to when you learned to speak cat…
Shut up, I don’t want to hear your sarcasm.
Who’s being sarcastic? C’mon, I seriously want to learn, what did the cat say?
…
Don’t know, do ya?
…
Ah, come on, if you ignore me it’s no fun!
…
Whether you reply or not, you’re still talking to yourself. You can’t win, mate.
Yeah? And why the Hell can’t I?!
Because I’m you.
Oh, right… That makes me crazy, doesn’t it?
Little bit.

Kougu sighed dramatically, then petted the tabby’s head one last time, before hurrying on toward the sickeningly familiar office.
Oh Charlie, PLEASE be okay… He pleaded quietly, biting sharply on his lip as a fond worry for her expanded in his chest.
Don’t let him get into your head…
Please…
Please be okay…
There was the office, up ahead. Was that a figure walking out of the door…?
Please…
“Charlie?”

As soon as the man started talking, I could tell I wasn't going to get out of this. The way he talked was too... Formal and casual at the same time. He spoke as if he knew everything there was to know about me; my past, my family... The only thing he didn't make obvious was my criminal record. He knew I'd pretty much been brought off the street, I'd heard him say it himself. But since when had he become so caring?
I listened to his speech - which frankly – I couldn't understand most of what he was saying, anyway. I kept trying to tell myself that this man was the same man that had literally scarred Kougu for life. He had betrayed my trust from the start and he'd pushed Kougu right to the point that he couldn't sleep. He couldn't trust himself, and he couldn't even let anyone touch him because he was scared he would snap. Thanks to this creep, Kougu had two alternate personalities. One was him – the real him, and the other one was another person speaking as if he were another person, addressing Kougu as 'that boy' or 'he' instead of 'I'. But who was that other person, if they weren't Kougu?
“Think about it... really think. What do you know about Kougu?”
That line caught my attention. It was a good question, and no matter how hard I thought about it I just couldn't find a decent answer. What did I know about Kougu? I knew he had alternate personalities, that he was insane, that he was scared to do pretty much anything that involved physical contact. But was that enough? I was supposed to know everything about him. Everything... We were supposed to be in love, for goodness' sake! Since when did lovers know little to nothing about each other?
“Nothing he does makes sense… He’s bipolar, hallucinatory, unethical, dishonest, insomniac, violent, self destructive…”
Okay, there was no need to list everything wrong with him. I knew Kougu was mentally unstable. I knew he had illnesses beyond what little scientific knowledge I had at the time. But it didn't mean I didn't love him. Of course I loved him. I'd proved it many times, hadn't I?
“His personality is hardly the sort you expect to stumble across in the real world. Our world, of real people trying to make a living, become successful, or just get by… Provide a roof over the heads of their loved ones...”
I could have sworn he'd put that in on purpose. He was secretly making his way inside my head, like a hideous ghoul creeping around a dark mansion in some horror movie. He was winning the battle already, and he wasn't taking in any prisoners.
I hunched over in the office chair, tucking my hands between my legs self-consciously. I yanked the thick, jacket sleeves over my unusually cold fingers and let my shoulder sag in defeat. He had me. Right in his grip, he had me. He knew exactly why I was there, what was going through my mind. He knew what meant the most to me at that exact moment. How, I have no idea. Somehow, he just seemed to have a way with words. I was trapped there, but only because I knew there was no going back from there on.
“Not really a respectable person, is he…?”
“N-no. No. I respect him. I've always... ”
Oh, what was the point? Next to him, I just sounded pathetic. My voice was shaky, my tone was weak and I knew I was fighting a losing battle.
Yet there was something in his eyes., something I couldn't quite pick it up. A secretive glint. Was it secrecy? Or was it something else?
No. It was definitely something else.
I just... I had some sort of an urge. I wanted to make him smile. I wanted to make him happy. Proud.
Since when did I ever get that sort of feeling with business men? Usually I just wanted to spit at their feet and walk away. But this man...
I almost forgot why I hated him so much.
“And then there’s that house, and that door… ” Oh no... Not this. I didn't want to go into this. That door was none of my business. If Kougu didn't want to show me what was behind it then it didn't matter.
Did it?
“You don’t know what’s behind there, do you? You say you don’t care, because you trust him and it doesn’t matter… But you want to know, don’t you? It’s natural curiosity. Besides, you have a right to know. Relationships should be built on honesty and communication, not on secrets.”
Shut up. Please... Just shut up. I scrunched my eyes closed, yanking my sleeves down as far as they'd go. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want him to persuade me...
Relationships should be built on honesty and communication, not on secrets...
It was true, though. So true that it hurt. I knew nothing about Kougu. He knew nothing about me. Why were we in love? We knew so little about each other, and although neither of us would admit it, we wanted to know more.
Or, at least, I wanted to know more.

As if this man had read my mind – and believe me, I was starting to think it the longer I listened to him – he began to explain to me what happened long before we met. How Kougu's family died, why Kougu was the way he was, why he was constantly trying to kill his father...
And I began to wonder: how could I have agreed to let him come in the first place?
Why had I let Kougu come and kill his father after everything that had happened to the both of them?

Wow. I really had got my mind changed quickly. Was I really that gullible?

“Ah, but believe me, we tried to fix him... We sent him to a psychiatrist, but it was too unsettling for him to go outside… So we brought one into our home, but he only got worse. Eventually, my late wife decided to take matters into her own hands.
She tried so hard to fix him, but eventually the boy snapped. I lost my whole family… And then I had to run. I had to change my identity, I had to learn to defend myself… Because I knew that I would be next. He is still – to this day – convinced that it is my fault.”
Ah, so that explained a lot. But still... Why had he treated Kougu the way he had on the one occasion I'd actually seen them together? Why was he so bitter towards his son?
I wanted to ask him, but I somehow felt like it was a bad time. I was scared as to what he would do or say. What if he had Kougu's fighting skills? I'd seen him fight him rather well, before. Kougu's skills had to have come from somewhere, after all.
Plus, my future really was in this guy's hands. If he thought he could sense any reason why he shouldn't give me those forms, he wouldn't. It was as simple as that.
I knew where I stood with this man. But the questions still remained, despite the fact that I didn't say them outloud.
“Look at me, Charlie…”
Surprised to hear my name, I looked up at him with worried, slightly anxious eyes. His eyes creased, just slightly, as he ran a hand through his perfect, dark hair. It was odd, after seeing something so perfect and in place to see it messed up with just a single, simple motion. “I’m just a man, for Pete’s sake! I’m not some sort of evil genius or mad scientist.”
Well you have to be something, I thought to myself. Kougu really hates your guts, mate.
But again, I'd have had to have been out of my mind to say it outloud.
“I’m sorry… You don’t need to know my life’s story, and you must be wondering why I’m boring you with it. But Charlie, this is why I wanted to talk to you personally. I know you’ve become close to my son… I know, because like any good father, I do still have my methods of keeping an eye on him.” He winked, “He is the only family I have left, after all… Even if he is a little ‘off’. I have to protect him. But Charlie, I want to protect you, too. You’re a good kid…”
The weirdest, most terrifying thing happened then. Because when I gazed into his eyes and saw his lips form into that sad, crooked, fatherly smile, I stopped seeing him. I stopped seeing him altogether.
I saw...
it was impossible...
I saw-...
Dad/
Tears pricked at my eyes, which widened at the very sight of just a hint of him. My dad... I could have sworn he was doing that on purpose. But I couldn't bring myself to Kougu's father for it. I gripped the chain around my neck tightly. My body began to tremble.
Dad...
When he reached over and took my hand, I felt myself relax slightly. “I don’t want to see you hurt, Charlie, so I have to warn you – be careful of Kougu. I can’t ask you to stay away from him, because as a father, the last thing I want to do is take away the one thing that really seems to make him happy, but- Oh, I don’t know. Just be careful of him, please. I lost my entire family, every last one of them. ”

Ever last one of them...
Every last-...

“Mum...” I gasped in recognition, wondering vaguely whether that last line had been meant to be a hint, or whether I'd imagined it. But either way, I understood. I understood completely.
Which was exactly why I had to get the house fixed as soon as possible. If not to save me, to save my mother. Every moment she stayed on that house was a moment closer to the day Kougu snapped and killed her.
Or worse.
The thought brought a fearful lump to clog up my throat and for a moment I thought I really was going to be sick. I could lose mum. I really couldn't.
“I just don’t want to see you hurt in the same way. You're a good kid.”
And just like that, Dad went. Disappeared into mid air like a puff of smoke. In his place, Kougu's father stood and began rummaging though some files until he found a yellow envelope and handed it to me. “This contains all the ownership and insurance forms for your new home. I’ve already arranged to have it rebuilt. Just sign wherever it asks for your name, and show those forms to whomever it may concern. Everything is taken care of. Give it a few weeks, and you’ll have a house again.”
Hallelujah.
“Good luck, Charlie.”
I stood and accepted the envelope, slipping it in the hoodie pocket along with the tiny shoe I'd managed to dig out of the rubble pile before I arrived. I kept one hand inside to make sure it wouldn't crumple, because I knew I probably wouldn't get a chance to get another one had it got marked or lost. I hesitantly arose my other hand and let him shake it firmly. My body swayed at his touch, but again, I was scared to let go. It was like Jimmy all over again. I was powerless.
“Thank you.” I mumbled, eyes kept downwards. “Really, thank you.”
And with that I quickly snatched my hand away and into my pocket, where I gripped it with my other hand shakily. I'd just shook hands. The deal was done, sealed.
Now I just had to and face the music.

I exited the office with a complete new face. I was oddly confident with myself. I knew all there was to know, I was getting my house back. No more worry, no more doubts.
I was getting my house back.
My hand gripped the envelope and I retrieved it from my pocket to take a look. In the tiny plastic window I recognised my name printed in posh, bold letters with the company name 'Habitats for Humanity' printed a few spaces below.
It made me look so important. I almost wanted to laugh at the juxtaposition, there.
“Charlie?”
My head snapped up. “Kougu?” I shouldn't have sounded surprised, really. I had been warned that he'd be coming. But still... Now? Couldn't he have come a little later?
I quickly slipped the envelope back in my pocket, so that he wouldn't get too nosy and try and take it off me. Like I said, I probably wouldn't get the chance to get another one.
I saw the anxiety in his eyes, and I suddenly found a gush of frustration to run through my veins. Why did he look so scared? Did I look like I'd been killed? Did I look like I'd been held at gunpoint or beaten up?
Well I certainly didn't feel it, that was for sure.
“Listen. I'm sorry I left without telling, I'm sorry I wasted two precious rolls of toilet paper and I'm sorry I lied. Happy?”
I let out an angry sigh, rolled my eyes and stormed past him. I wasn't in the mood to have him quizzing me, giving me all sorts of unwanted attention and giving me a long speech on why I shouldn't have gone.
His dad wasn't a mind controller. A good mind reader, yes. But he hadn't forced me to do anything I didn't want to do.
Well, not really anyway.
“He hasn't told me anything that wasn't untrue. He's done nothing but help me. All he wants to do is help me.”
Help me, and protect me. Just like any father would.
I kept walking, hoping that he'd just keep his mouth closed and follow me back to the house. The house that wasn't mine, because I was going to get mine back in no time. A couple of weeks, wasn't it? Everything was going to be refurbished, redecorated and replaced. All brand new.
Excitement bubbled inside me. I skipped happily for a few strides.
“Look at me Kougu, I'm fine.” I jeered. “Stop looking so damn worried. I'm not dead, am I?”
Ha. Not yet, anyway.
My face fell.

Of course, the house would be ready in a couple of weeks, but how was I supposed to protect my mother in the mean time? Not to mention Anthony was there.
Crap. I really was going to have my hands full.
No matter, what was done, was done. I wouldn't have to wait long. A few weeks...

A few weeks, and it would all be over.

((Dun dun DUUUNNNNNNNNN!! Sorry, she changed her tune rather dramatically, there. I ended up having to write this in bits, so if it seems a little bit... Well, in bits, that's why. ))

When Charlie said his name, Kougu moved toward her – hopeful, but worried. The tabby padded along cheerfully beside him, winding herself around his legs and almost tripping him.
“Charlie…” Kougu murmured with a relieved sigh, quickening his pace slightly. She was okay… Thank Goodness, she was okay…
Well, not entirely.
At that moment, her expression changed – seemingly for no reason – and the sudden annoyance stopped Kougu in his tracks.
He came to a halt so quickly that the disgruntled tabby ran straight into the back of his leg. She sneezed in surprise and shook her head, then trotted around his leg. Gazing up at him with wide, yellow eyes – she slowly sank back onto her haunches, and fixed him with an unblinking, curious stare, her tail twitching just slightly from side to side.
“Listen. I'm sorry I left without telling, I'm sorry I wasted two precious rolls of toilet paper and I'm sorry I lied. Happy?”
Charlie’s sharp tone caused Kougu to wince, and at her final snapped question, he stumbled back a step – as though struck by a physical blow.
The cat, who had by now grown bored and begun licking her paw, promptly stood, and trotted neatly back to Kougu’s side, then sat again and elegantly resumed her bath.
“N-No, Charlie, I-“ Kougu stammered weakly, but he could find no strength to string the words together.
It had happened. He could see it in her eyes… His father had not killed her, oh no, but he had killed something. He always killed something…
This time, it was obvious to Kougu what had died. Looking into Charlie’s eyes, he saw anger, frustration, irritation… He had seen those emotions in her before plenty of times, but before there had always been an underlying warmth. A soft base for the dagger-like anger.
But now it was gone… The love was gone.
Kougu’s mouth opened and closed soundlessly, and when he could not find words to object, Charlie sighed angrily – then rolled her eyes and stormed past him, clipping his shoulder slightly.
The tiny pinprick of pain spread throughout his body, and finally came to settle in his heart, where it festered and expanded like black poison. With every beat, the pain of loss throbbed through him, and he felt his legs weakening with despair.

“Mow?” The Tabby asked politely, placing one paw on Kougu’s leg and staring up at him with wide eyes. Kougu did not react, so with an irritable twitch of her tail, she dug in her claws, and repeated loudly, “Meeeow!”
“Hush.” Kougu whispered, bending down to the little cat. He trailed a long finger over her head, and along the soft fur of her spine, right to the twitching tip of her tail. Finally, he slipped his hand tenderly beneath the cat, and lifted her into his arms so delicately that she might have been made of porcelain.
A subtle purring rumbled in the back of her throat, and the sound soothed Kougu slightly. He clutched her close to his chest, as though trying to stifle the painful throbbing of his heart, and he took comfort in her warmth against him.
“Charlie,” He murmured quietly – his voice steadier now, and expressing nothing but desperare affection. “I’m really not upset, just please-“
“He hasn't told me anything that wasn't untrue. He's done nothing but help me. All he wants to do is help me.”
A sharp intake of breath betrayed what a cruel blow these words were to Kougu, and his grip on the little cat tightened. She mewed in protest, but he didn’t even notice. “You don’t know him like I do!” Kougu snapped fiercely, flames igniting in his eyes, and passion raising his voice. “The only person he ever helps is himself! You’re just part of his plan, Charlie, can’t you see?! He’s a liar! He just wants to-“
But there was no point going on, because Charlie wasn’t listening… It was like talking to a wall.
There was a skip in her step now, and Kougu realised with a dull ache that this was the happiest he had seen her in a while.
“Look at me Kougu, I'm fine. Stop looking so damn worried. I'm not dead, am I?”
His breath caught in his throat as he heard her jeering tone. Charlie had never mocked him before… And all he was only trying to care!
He squeezed the cat tighter, and she gave a strangled growl of objection. “Sorry…” Kougu apologised quietly, loosening his grip on her. She snuggled into his chest, and Kougu found himself wondering bizarrely why Charlie couldn’t be more like the tabby…

Glancing back at Charlie, Kougu saw her worried expression – and it didn’t take a genius to know what she was thinking. What had her last words been…?
”I’m not dead, am I?”
No. That was just too much… She couldn’t really think he would-
“Damn it, Charlie!”
Suddenly, desperation got the better of him – and Kougu’s sense left him. He dropped the cat, who landed on her paws with a disgruntled hiss, and scampered off a short distance, glaring mutinously at Kougu.
But he was beyond caring… Or perhaps he didn’t even notice. He was striding purposefully toward Charlie now, and his face was darkened by fierce anger. How could his father do this?! It was as though he had brainwashed Charlie completely! All Kougu really wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sob. To kiss Charlie’s feet, and beg her not to take away the trust she had given him – but it was too late for that. It was gone, and all that was left was a fury bordering on madness. He could not control it.
He reached Charlie without breaking stride, and grabbed her shoulders roughly. “Listen to me!” He exclaimed angrily, giving her a vicious shake, “Charlie, this is me we’re talking about!” He shoved her backwards, and walked after her – his face twisted into a terrible mask of hurt, anger and betrayal… Yet standing out more clearly than anything was the white hot, boiling hatred he felt in every fibre of his being. Damn that man! Damn him to Hell!
“I LOVE YOU, damn it!!” His fingers dug into her shoulders in frustration as he grabbed her again. “So I don’t care that you left! I don’t care that you lied, and I- I don’t care that… You trusted the word of the person who ruined my life… More than you trusted mine.” He swallowed thickly, and took a breath to steady himself. That one had hurt. “I don’t care about any of that, Charlie! I don’t care if you believe the lies he fed you, and if you got what you wanted from him – good for you. But don’t push me away, damn it!” He shook her again – completely unaware that he might be hurting her in his desperation for her to understand.
He had never acted out so viciously, so passionately, about anything before. The quiet, submissive boy seemed to have transformed completely… Because he had never been so desperate to cling to something before. Charlie meant everything to him… He wouldn’t lose her. He couldn’t!
Unfortunately, his emotion-addled actions were only cementing the accusations his father had made about how insane and dangerous he could be…

“I’m not upset, Charlie…” He whispered, his breath coming in short, shallow gasps. “I just can’t lose you… Please! Please, don’t give in to his pathetic little mind games! You know me, you know you do! You know me better than he ever did – so don’t let him take you away from me!”
Kougu was shaking now, and his eyes glistened with what might have been tears.
Please, Charlie… He thought despairingly, Please be stronger than I am… Resist him…Forget whatever he told you…

Sensing Kougu’s distress, the peeved tabby put her irritation aside, and padded over to his side. “Mow...” Her plaintive voice piped up.
Sniffing slightly, Kougu let his hands slip from Charlie’s shoulders, and his eyes relinquished the intent gaze they had held with hers. Refusing to look at her, Kougu bent slowly, and gently lifted the little tabby – holding her close, and taking solace in the fact that he would still have one friend when all this was over…
Unless the cat decided to leave him, too.
That, quite frankly, would suck.

(( Link You must download that song and listen to it. It really set the mood for me... I love it. :3
Definitely not my usual sort of style, but somebody on YouTube used it in a video tribute to one of my favourite animes, and my friend showed it to me, so of course I fell in love with it... XD Haha! Anyway, definitely worth a listen! ^_^ ))

“Damn it, Charlie!”
I flinched at the sharp tone in his voice, as it was one I'd never heard coming from his lips before. It sounded gruff, even furious.
It reminded me of Jimmy. It reminded me of the way he used to talk to me whenever I resisted his touch, or refused to kiss him when he told me to.
It scared me.
So I quickened my pace to a brisk walk, determined not to look him in the eye. His father was right; Kougu was dangerous. Through and through. I couldn't trust him, I just couldn't. Don't look at him... Just keep walking.
But before I had any choice of getting far enough, and since I was nothing compared to his walking speed even at my best, he caught me no problem. With a frightened gasp I felt myself be yanked by the shoulders and spun round to face him. The first six words shocked me, but the more I thought about them the more they made sense. He is going to kill me...
I squirmed just like the tabby had in his arms and looked away from him, hands clenched into little fists and my body immediately tensing at his touch. It was just like Jimmy all over again and, by the feel of Kougu's vice grip, I wasn't getting out of this one.
“Kougu!” I squirmed, trying and failing to fight him off me. He'd never held me so roughly before, and frankly, he was scaring me. He was furious, I could just tell. I could see it in his face that he was mad at me for going behind his back and then talking to him like I had. Not that I regretted it, or anything. In fact, I was certainly glad I'd gone and not just for the house. I'd found out so much more from Kougu's dad than I had with him, because his father didn't keep secrets. There were still things I didn't know about him, yes, but I knew enough to trust the man. He was a stressed out businessman. What was there to hate? “Kougu... Get off me!”
“Listen to me! Charlie, this is me we’re talking about!”
Teeth clenched I brought my hands up and grabbed his arms, trying my utmost best to shove him off me. I didn't give a damn he tried to do, what his argument was. I'd made up my mind. When would he see that? I trusted his father because I had to, and I didn't need to trust Kougu any more.
I couldn't risk trusting him anymore.
“You're hurting me!” I shouted angrily, sounding more like a little child that had to be dragged to the naughty step than a sixteen year old girl. When had I got this pathetic?
He pushed me roughly backwards until the back of my ankle banged against a wall and I was forced so stop in my tracks. The more Kougu pushed and shook me, the more times I could feel my bones being shoved back against the solid, brick wall. Ow... That was going to bruise.
Why was he treating me like this? He said he'd always wanted me to be happy, although his father had mentioned he was secretive, which I was guessing was also a hint that he couldn't be trusted. Of course he said he wanted me to be happy. It was just another one of those cheesy lines boys and men used to make their girls believe them. Along with all the other comments that they never meant.
“I LOVE YOU, damn it!!” His fingers dug into my skin, so much so that I could feel pins and needles tickling my hands. My shoulders burned from his furious grip.
But I stopped squirming.
He loved me? Was that just another line? Was I supposed to believe that?
I guessed so, but then that wouldn't explain why he was acting so damned desperate. I'd not remembered him treat me so roughly before, nor had I remembered him act so angry unless he'd snapped. He'd never spoken with so much passion... He actually made me stop and think.
Because at that point, I didn't know what to believe.
“So I don’t care that you left! I don’t care that you lied, and I- I don’t care that… You trusted the word of the person who ruined my life… More than you trusted mine.”
Wait, was he trying to make me feel guilty? Because I didn't see why I had to, since I'd only gone there because I was desperate to get my house back.
The tiny, blue shoe in my pocket toppled out as he shook me slightly, and I started to struggle again. He wasn't letting me move to pick it up. He wasn't letting me move... None-stop.
In fact, he wasn't letting me do anything... But look at him.
“I don’t care about any of that, Charlie! I don’t care if you believe the lies he fed you, and if you got what you wanted from him – good for you.” good for me? Was he being sarcastic? And what did he mean by 'fed'? I wasn't a child to be spoon-fed. I was just...
I wasn't gullible, that was for sure. Of course I wasn't. I mean, look at the way I'd acted when I'd entered the office room! I only tarted to believe his father...
The minute he'd started talking.
Oh God...
“But don't push me away, damn it!”
As if to prove a point – not that it was needed – he shook me roughly so hard I could swear I could feel my brain rattling against my skull. Groaning in pain, I scrunched my eyes closed and gripped my temples, deciding that trying to fight him wasn't going to help me this time. If he was ever done with proving his point, I would just nod and walk away. I didn't want to have to go through all this. All that had happened had turned fuzzy in my mind, and I didn't know what the hell to believe. I just couldn't my head around any of it.
So Kougu was mad, yes, but why was he treating me like this? At the beginning I just thought it was because of fury that I'd betrayed him, but now... Now I wasn't too sure.
He seemed... Desperate. Almost on the verge of tears. Or was I imagining that...? I couldn't tell.
“I’m not upset, Charlie… I just can’t lose you… Please! Please, don’t give in to his pathetic little mind games! You know me, you know you do! You know me better than he ever did – so don’t let him take you away from me!”
Know him? Was he serious?
I didn't know him. I didn't know a single, damned thing about him because he never told me anything. I know he was insane, that he'd killed his family. But other than that, there was...
Nothing.
His hands slowly slipped off my shoulders and he looked away from me then, giving me a chance to rub the dull pain pumping at where his fingers had bitten at my skin. Ow... Clearing my throat I slumped my shoulders and rubbed my upper arms self-consciously. I could see Kougu had calmed down, but I was too scared of him to act after how roughly he'd just handled me.
I was right the first time. They were all the same. Jimmy, Kougu, all those other 'friends'...
Kougu treated me just the same way Jimmy had. One thing he'd told me he'd never do.
What else had he lied to me about? What other things were there which he hadn't told me about?
Plucking up the courage to look him eye, I took a deep breath. I'd have to speak at some point.
“Know you? Kougu... I don't know anything about you. Mostly because if I ask you, you either shrug it off and change the subject or you just don't answer. Why? What is there to hide from me?”
My gaze hardened to an angry glare. I swore I could feel steam fuming from my ears, I was that enraged. How could Kougu possibly think I knew everything about him? He... He didn't make sense, like his father had said. Nothing he did made sense. I'd never fully understood his actions, but I never asked him why he acted like he did because I wanted to tell myself it didn't matter. But all along I'd seen the sings that something was up, but I'd constantly told myself that it was one of my business.
Well... Now it was my business. I was making it my business.
“He's just a businessman. Like I said, he cares about me. If he's messing with me... If everything that man has told me is so wrong, you tell me... You tell me exactly what I want to know.”
My tone of voice firmly stated that it wasn't a question. I was going to get an answer from him. This time, I wasn't going to let anything be shrugged off.
“You're hallucinatory, bipolar, self destructive... But nothing can explain your inhuman reflexes. And you fight... You fight like someone from a movie. You seem to have control over everyone other than me, and you made the members of the police force literally tremble at the sight of you. The people that know you are terrified of you.”
Shaking my head in almost wonderment – although the anger was still simmering beneath the surface – I stared at him, desperately seeking the sense of the stranger stood before me. I just wanted to understand him. I wanted to know him... Really know him. Not like before. I just wanted him to stop keeping all these secrets from me and just talk to me. Why was that so hard?
“Now, I don't think for a minute that your father's told me everything, since I can tell there's things even he's keeping from me. But he's not the problem.”
I stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to catch on. You're the problem, Kougu. It's you. It's always been you.
“There's been plenty of things you haven't told me. But there's one that I really need to know if I'm going to go back to that house of yours.” ( <== She really has got something against him now, hasn't she? )
I was getting my house back. I no longer had to stay with him, I had an option. For once... “You've both said you killed your family. But neither of you said 'mother'. You said 'family'. Which means there's someone else, isn't there?”
I looked at him demandingly. “Who were they, and how old were they?”
My gaze hardened further. “How many people have you killed?”

((Found another song. All These Things I Hate - Bullet For My Valentine))

“Know you? Kougu... I don't know anything about you. Mostly because if I ask you, you either shrug it off and change the subject or you just don't answer. Why? What is there to hide from me?”
“I’m not trying to hide anything!” He objected, lifting his face away from the tabby’s soft fur to fix Charlie with wide, doe-like eyes – beseeching her to believe him. “At least, not the way you’re thinking… I just-“
But before he could say any more, Charlie had gone off on a tangent again, and Kougu was forced to finish his objection silently in the unstable privacy of his own mind.
I just want to protect you… To keep you away from MY world. It’s too late for me, and I’m not going to let you suffer in the same way…
“You don’t have to know about me, to know me…” Kougu muttered quietly, speaking under his breath in a manner that left it uncertain whether or not he intended to be heard. He whispered something to the little cat – and she twitched her ear and squirmed in his arms, purring even louder as she became more comfortable.
“He's just a businessman. Like I said, he cares about me. If he's messing with me... If everything that man has told me is so wrong, you tell me... You tell me exactly what I want to know.”
“I’ll do better than that.” Kougu replied, lifting his chin defiantly, in an uncharacteristically confident gesture that clearly scorned what Charlie had said about his father. “I’ll tell you the truth.” He said pointedly, his eyes narrowing, and the intensity of his gaze deepening.
But still, it was impossible to get Charlie’s attention. She went on talking – listing his flaws now. Flaw which, once upon a time, hadn’t mattered to Charlie… Of course they didn’t matter, because they made him who he was, and she loved who he was, right? No – not any more. In every movement of her lips, every word spoken by her tongue, he could practically see his father standing over her pulling the strings.
Yet he couldn’t get through to her… She was his entire life. He loved her – but within a few short minutes, his father had taken all that away, and his words no longer reached her.
“Charlie-“ He took a step closer.
“Now, I don't think for a minute that your father's told me everything, since I can tell there's things even he's keeping from me. But he's not the problem.”

These words cut him off, and Kougu froze abruptly. Charlie’s silent hidden point could not have come across more clearly nor more painfully if she had cut it into his gut with the contaminated blade of a blunt knife.
A light inside him went out – and as though she could sense it, the tabby leaped from his arms and scampered off into the darkness – leaving Kougu alone, and feeling as though he was the only person in a cold world of darkness and despair.
“There's been plenty of things you haven't told me. But there's one that I really need to know if I'm going to go back to that house of yours.”
Still, Charlie went on – but after the initial blow, all her harsh words brought was a dull, unpleasant sting. It niggled in the back of his mind, but Kougu soon became numb to it as he sank further and further into despondency.
Then the questions came.

”You've both said you killed your family. But neither of you said 'mother'. You said 'family'. Which means there's someone else, isn't there? Who were they, and how old were they? How many people have you killed?”
He raised his head, and looked slowly up at Charlie, his expression completely devoid of emotion – as neutral as a stone statue.
When he replied, he spoke in a toneless voice – answering from dumb obedience, and nothing more. “My younger sister. She was just a baby.” From the tone of his voice, he might have been giving an accounting lecture.
“And a weapon never counts the number of people it destroys.” He muttered – the slightest edge of bitterness entering his voice now. “It’s all in a day’s work. One thousand? Ten?” Was that a hint of sarcasm?
Kougu shrugged slightly, then sighed – dropping his lifeless gaze to the ground. Despair weighed heavily on his shoulders, and despite the fierce mental war waging in his mind, willing him not to give up, Kougu felt the desire to fight slip away from him like rain from a windowsill.
“You’ve made up your mind, Charlie…” He murmured quietly, “I’m not going to be able to change it, am I?” It was not a question.
He swallowed thickly, and began backing away from her, shaking his head with the very last of his hope, which presented itself as desperate denial. "He can't take you away from me... He can't..." Kougu whimpered pathetically under his breath - still stumbling backwards like a bewildered animal.
But when his wide, hurt eyes met Charlie's and he noted the complete absence of love there, that final spark of hope died.
Without another word, he let his head drop - locking his eyes onto the cold ground underfoot. His shoulders slumped, and he turned quietly away.
"Anthony will let you in." He muttered briefly, "I need to go away for a while."
Yes... Go away, and try to get his mind back on track. More importantly, to try to think of a way to get Charlie back...

And so Kougu turned and began to walk away. For a while he walked with apparent confidence - refusing to hesitate, and pushing himself forward. But every step he took, the ache was greater. It honestly felt as though Charlie was holding his heart, and the further away from her he got, the more of his heartstrings snapped, and the closer he came to death. He couldn't, wouldn't leave her! He needed her - and if he was to go on living, he could not take 'no' for an answer. This was a private battle waging between himself and his father - it had nothing to do with Charlie. Not really... He was not going to surrender. He was not going to run off with his tail between his legs just because his father had found his weakness! No way in Hell!
With a low growl, Kougu swung around – his usually timid, sensitive features transformed by fiery, passionate determination. He would not lose this one – it was as simple as that!
“Charlie!” He called, wheeling around, and walking purposefully back toward her. It occurred to him briefly that she must think him crazy – walking back and forth, and changing his mind faster than a pregnant woman changed her cravings.
But this time, his mind was made up.
“I’m not going to lose you. I refuse.” He growled in determination, quickening his pace toward her.
He caught her gently in his arms, and pulled her close to him before she even had time to fight.
He didn’t allow himself even a moment’s hesitance, because he knew he would back out if he did.
Instead, he turned to the final, desperate attack left to him in this deadly battle.

Hands cupped gently around Charlie’s waist, Kougu leaned over – and pressed his lips to hers. In one determined, forcibly confident action, he was kissing her like never before. Words were useless to him now, so he let his tongue try its only other plan of attack – communicating every heart-wrenching emotion and painful thought through one passionate kiss.
It was his last chance, and he had to take it. He only hoped that Charlie would accept it – because if she crushed him now, he feared he might never be able to repair himself.
His eyes squeezed tighter shut, and he felt the dampness of a single tear threatening to escape the closed lids.
Come back to me… Please… Don’t let him take you away from me.

((*gasp* H-h... He... He Kissed her! Properly! I thought I'd never imagine that happening until they... I don't even know ))

((*Takes a bow* XD I didn't think he'd have the guts... But he did! *Pets* Good Kougukins. :3 ))

Jaw clenched, I glared up at him with eyes cold as stones. He'd lost all sense of emotion in his face, leaving nothing but a pale, blank expression I'd seen him wear many a time before. That face generally meant as a warning that trouble was brewing beneath his surface, but at the time I was far too ignorant to care. The hesitance in his answer and the face that he was answering in a robot-like tone told me he was only acting this way because he didn't want to think about the answer.
My eyes narrowed further.
I'd been right. He was hiding something.
When the answer finally came, I suddenly felt a horrible sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach, and my fingers began to tremble. A baby... He'd killed a baby. Worse, his own sister. I'd known he had no conscience when he was in his uncontrollable state, but... A baby?! What could get any more morally wrong than that?
But there was more yet to come. I couldn't exactly complain, since I had asked for it. I guess I'd known these facts all along... But I'd just been too scared and too trusting in Kougu to believe them. He'd warned me before that he was a killer, that he could hurt people. But nothing had quite put me up for what he was about to tell me.
“...a weapon never counts the number of people it destroys. It’s all in a day’s work. One thousand? Ten?”
Ten thousand? Ten... thousand That was ten thousand lives he'd destroys, ten thousand innocent lives he'd taken away, a large fraction women and children, no doubt. And what had all these people done to make him – get that, his father want to kill them? What could they all have possibly done to deserve death?
I gasped, brought a hand to my mouth to force back whatever was causing my stomach to wrench and found myself unable to meet his eye. I'd been warned. I'd asked for the truth.
Now I'd got it, and I was beginning to regret every bit of it.

“You’ve made up your mind, Charlie… I’m not going to be able to change it, am I?” It was true... It was so true. My house meant more to me than anything at that point. Kougu knew fair well that a simple sob story wasn't going to win me over. He knew how desperate I was. My house was my life, my family.
Family came first.
So why was I beginning to doubt my choices?

I watched Kougu shake his head frantically, so much so that his thick hair swung from side-to-side of his face, falling in place wherever it wished. For a minute I thought his body was shrinking, then I realised he was backing away from me, like I was some wild cat he'd just noticed in the bushes and was rethinking his route.
He was doing it again; guilt-tripping me... I hated him for it. I hated him for putting me in this situation in the first place. It was his fault my house was burned to the ground. He was the reason Jimmy had decided he needed to plot vengeance and prove that I was still his property. He'd angered Jimmy with his clever comments and lack of interest in violence unless it was needed.
Yet that look in his eyes... I could almost have mistaken if for hurt. But... a hurt what? A hurt conscience? A hurt ego?
No, no. I was getting him mistaken for Jimmy.
But then... What was it? Was he simply mad at me for betraying him, or was there something else to his defeated stance that I wasn't picking up?
His father had been right. I didn't know a damn thing about him. His body language and his facial features were just too hard to read.
He looked at me once, his eyes so wide the whites were as obvious as a a grizzly bear on an ice cap. Something died in them, or something disappeared, because he wasn't looking at me the same. His shoulders were slumped in defeat. I almost felt sorry for him.
I shouldn't have. He was a filthy murderer. But I did almost want to feel sorry for him.
His head dropped to the floor then, his entire body going with the movement. He was no longer standing upright, all hints of hope and confidence shattered in one simple gesture. I swallowed thickly. This wasn't my fault, I hadn't even been there when he'd killed all those people. He couldn't blame me for being angry at him. He'd murdered his baby sister, for crying outloud! And for what? What was his reason?
“Anthony will let you in. I need to go away for a while.”
Oh yes. Just like him to run away from the situation. Since when had he turned into such a coward?
I let him go, doing nothing but shaking my head – although I wasn't sure whether that was in disgust, disbelief or something else.
I couldn't believe he was making me feel like this. I hated him for it, loathed him with all my heart. I was doing the right thing for my family. He wouldn't know what it meant to be protective of your family, anyway. He'd either killed or tried to kill all of his.
He wouldn't understand. But why was he making me feel so damned guilty?

He didn't walk very far. The street corner was pretty much the furthest he'd managed to walk until he stopped himself in his tracks. Maybe he was thinking things through, or maybe he had an idea in his mind. Either way, I didn't care. I wasn't going to forgive him for what he'd done.
Ever.
“Charlie!”
What?
My eyes widened. He'd spun round so fast I'd barely had a chance to blink. And now... Now he was walking back with a bold look of certainty in his eyes he was beginning to scare me. Again, I couldn't understand it, but I was certain he was going to kill me.
Crap...
I began to back away, quickening my pace as I sensed him pick up his. I was just about to turn and bolt when I heard his determined words: “I’m not going to lose you.”
Okay. So he wasn't going to kill me, otherwise that would be like telling a robber he couldn't have your money then giving him the keys to your private safe packed full with paper stash. Even for Kougu that wouldn't make any sense.
I stopped moving.

Just as I did so, I felt him grab my arms – not hard enough for it to hurt, but firmly enough to ensure that I wouldn't be able to run away – and ran his hands to my waist. He cupped his palm on my hips, leant forward and crushed my lips with his.

A dull pain wrenched at my stomach - but not from disgust. I wasn't sure what it was, but I was beginning to recognise it as the feeling I'd got the last time we'd kissed. That sudden hunger for him, to want to kiss him more. All the hate, all the fear I felt towards him vanished. He was holding me in his arms... I could almost feel the halo of burning love that was bleeding from every bone in his body. It was so unreal... Yet so normal. Even being the first time, not a second went by that I felt it wasn't meant to be.
Our tongues waltzed (sorry, trying not to put a weird image in your mind... But it's so hard!! O.o), my hands wandered up and down his back and crept back up to the back of his neck. My fingers interlocked one another at that point, refusing to let go. I didn't try for a single moment to pull away. I knew straight away why he was doing it, but all of a sudden nothing mattered to me less. The fact was, he was kissing me... And like never before. Despite what had been going through my head, what he'd just told me, I couldn't bring myself to pull away. .
I was stuck. Not trapped, but definitely stuck. Like I'd been dumped in the centre of a maze of two pathways after being told one would lead me to the end and the other would lead me to a pack of hungry lions ready to eat me alive. Two ways: one right, one wrong.
I was free to go whichever way, but my mind was torn. Because all of a sudden , I couldn't tell right from wrong. What was wrong with feeding a pack of lions if they were hungry? Even if it was with my own body? I thought I'd been doing it all right. I thought it was as simple as black and white. But at that point, I really didn't know.
At that point, I felt genuinely terrified.

“Kougu...” I mumbled, my voice muffled by the depth of his kisses sucking the breath out of me. I wanted to stop so badly, because I needed time to get my head around what was going on. But I couldn't.
And it was as simple as that.
I'd never dared tried this with him before now, and at that moment I was lucky enough to have him kissing me with so much love... I wasn't prepared to throw such a precious moment away.
So I carried on kissing him, arching my back and letting him hold me as if he'd just caught me seconds before I was about to fall. I began to lace a lock of hair from the back of his head with my index finger, enjoying the warm sensation of the soft material tickling my fingertips.
That was it. Kougu had reached Manhood. Despite his lack of muscle and willowy figure, I swore he was strong enough to punch through rocks. I could feel it, too. His grip; not like a vice, but pure and true, like the richness in the shade of a rose petal. His stance was confident, his kiss loving and honest. I could no longer see him as a boy, and not because he was older than me.
He was far more of a man than Jimmy was, because he respected me. He cared about me.
And I couldn't turn that down. Not anymore.

I pulled away for nothing more than a moment to breathe. I was gasping, like I'd been totally robbed of oxygen. My lungs hurt, my mouth tingled, and my heart throbbed.
Never in my life had I felt such an impact after a single kiss.
“Kougu, I-...” I began, when suddenly my legs buckled and I sank to my knees. I was torn, and terrified. Terrified I had done the wrong thing.
Terrified that I hadn't.
“Kougu, I... I don't know...” But the words wouldn't come to me, and the next thing I knew I was bawling my eyes out, tears soaking my cheeks. Life had been so simple before all this. Get money, make a living, don't get caught by the police, do all you can to stay alive...
But now, my entire understanding on life had been wrecked right before my eyes. I was entirely stumped for what to do.
I looked up at him with a watery gaze, suddenly wishing I could see into his mind. What he must have thought of me for betraying him, then throwing it all back in his face. But my mind was racing. I couldn't think straight.
“I don't know what to do.” I mumbled, hunching over and resting my head in my hands. I probably looked like an utter idiot sat there in the middle of the street, right in front of a guy who was at least a foot taller than me when stood up, anyway. But I didn't give a damn.
“Tell me... You know the man better than I do. If you hate the idea of him helping me, then you tell me exactly what I should do. I'm scared, Kougu!”
I was going to lose everything if I wasn't careful. It was as simple as pie. I had to be careful what I did from now on.
But I couldn't lose Kougu. No matter what he'd done in the past, I couldn't afford to judge him. I hadn't before, had I? So what was there to make me start then?
“I can't lose the one thing I have left to live for. I'm already losing her by the day... But I can't just let her forget all she's ever done in her life, all she's ever loved. I've already lost my house. Please don't make me give away the only family I have left. Please.”
I looked up at him then, my eyes reflecting the exact same look he'd given me right before he turned away from me. If he recognised that look, he'd understand.
Or he'd seen me as pathetic and turn his back on me anyway.

I prayed it wasn't the latter.

((Got quite a playlist for you, Polo. XD

Sad Romance - Thao Nguyen Xanh (Top one) .

I'm Kissing You - Des'Ree - You may have heard it before, I just think it fits this Kiss much better than the first one

When You Kiss Me - Shania Twain (second one down)

From The Inside - Linkin Park

Always Watching Over YOu - Paul Collier

I love the first and last one best ))

((*Downloads* XD

Listening to 'From The Inside' at the moment, since it's the only one I actually have at the moment...

And you're right - it SO fits! ... Poor Charlie. *Pats head* Haha! Naaaw, I love Linkin Park... *Drags band back onto playlist*

"Take everything from the inside, and throw it all away, 'cause I swear, for the last time, I won't trust myself with you..." ))

((Haha! From The inside ish cool. *nodnod* When I first found it, I was literally obsessed with it. It was all I listened to. I even tried to do the screamy thing they do at the chorus. It didn't work ))

((Had that last instrumental on repeat for ages now, and I'm still not tired of it! Wow... So perfect. Just read the post against listening to it, and I was like...

Gosh. You're so amazing, my friend... I'm in awe. ))

((They're gorgeous, I know. I was the same with the Paul Collier one, I was using it to get me in the 'mood' to write it all down. I recommend you listen to the first one, as well. It helped me with the kiss, and the end bit. It's very emotional *hums*

Meh, not that much. I can find instrumentals, but you can find songs. Songs are better ))

((They're awesome! Loved the first one, too...

I meant your writing, stoopid. XD *Glomps* ))

((*sings* i'm obsessed with music, I think. It's what happens when I get bored :3

Oh... Thank you. You know I'm not, and it was only because you were listening to Paul Collier ))

((Hehe! XD I'm a little obsessed with music myself - but nowhere near as much as you. I listen to it, but I don't play it.

Pft. Determined to doubt yourself, aren't you? O.o You know that I aspire to write like you. And I'm like, a writing genius. XD That makes you pretty super-dee-duper awesome, my dearest Buddy.

*Glomps*

RP with meeeeee! O.o ))

When he grabbed her arms, Kougu felt Charlie tense in her grip, and for a moment he was terrified that she might pull away. What if he had miscalculated? What if her love for him was truly gone, and she didn’t want to kiss him after all? That would make him as bad as Jimmy…
Thankfully, before his thoughts could get too far away from him, Kougu felt Charlie relax in his grip, and respond to his kiss. Relief surged through him like waves crashing against a rock in the stormy sea. A soft moan of gratitude was torn from his lips as they met hers, and Kougu felt himself relax into the moment. Unlike before, there was no fear. There was just Charlie – the sweet taste of her lips against his – the fruity scent of her conditioner, and the soft touch of her hair against his fingers as his hands ran subconsciously up her back.
He could feel in her touch the same burning passion and longing that he himself was feeling, and he felt himself shift even closer toward her.
He couldn’t remember closing his eyes – but he was aware that at that moment, he couldn’t see. Then again, he didn’t need to – his imagination was alive with the images of previously untouched emotions creeping out of dark crevices of his mind, like shy forest creatures emerging into sunlight for the first time.

He tightened his arms around Charlie, holding her closer to him – feeling her warm body pressed against his. With his arms wrapped around her and his hands on her back, he felt safe and protected… Because he felt he could protect her. Nothing in the world could make him feel more vulnerable than the idea of Charlie being in danger, and him being able to do nothing to help her.
In between kisses, he heard her mumble his name – but he barely registered it, and merely resumed kissing her. When she did not object, the incident was forgotten completely.
He felt her back arch, and she went limp in his arms – letting him hold her completely, which was exactly what he wanted to do at that moment. After coming so close to losing her, nothing could make him happier than cradling her relaxed form in his arms, and vowing never to relinquish his grip.
She was his. His to love, his to protect – and never his to harm. It was just what he’d always wanted… If only he had been able to conjure the same degree of control that he had around Charlie when his family were still alive…

His eyes flickered open – ripped from the dreamy ecstasy of the kiss by a harsh blow of reality, as had happened so many times before. As though she sensed it, Charlie broke away from him – his name falling from her lips as though she’d held it wrapped in his tongue all along.
”Kougu, I-“ She was out of breath – and it wasn’t until he noticed her heaving chest that he realised that he was, too. He took a deep draught of oxygen, then turned his attention to Charlie – his pale features creasing into a mask of worry. Yet even so, his midnight blue eyes were warm – and when he lifted his fingers to her face, they traced her cheekbone with loving tenderness – his touch so gentle that Charlie might have been a delicate baby bird.
Then, before he knew what was happening, she was gone – fallen away from his touch. Panic lanced through him – his mind leaping into action long before his body had even registered what had happened, and just as he was reaching the absurd conclusion that Charlie had never existed in the first place, his eyes managed to follow her progress, and he saw her kneeling on the ground at his feet.

Too shocked to do anything, Kougu merely stood – towering awkwardly over her, and watching her with helpless dismay.
“Kougu, I... I don't know...”
She tried to speak again, but before she could even form the words, tears were choking her. Sobs throbbed from her shaking form, and Kougu felt each one like a stab in the gut. At first, he was certain his bullet wounds had opened up again – but when the pain began to increase, he recognised it as emotional, rather than physical. This realisation led him to drop to his knees beside her, fidgeting and fussing like a concerned puppy while she cried – patting her back, stroking her hair, squeezing her shoulders – just doing anything he could think of to lessen her pain and offer some form of comfort.
“I don't know what to do.” She managed finally, hunching over with her head grasped in her hands. “Charlie…” Kougu whimpered helplessly, peering at the top of her head, and laying one long-fingered, cold hand soothingly on her back. “Tell me... You know the man better than I do. If you hate the idea of him helping me, then you tell me exactly what I should do. I'm scared, Kougu!” He cringed away from her tone, swallowing thickly. He hated to see her like this… Just hated it… Yet still, strangely, the after-effect of the euphoria of the kiss still lingered. He hadn’t lost her, as he had so feared – and now she was appealing to him for comfort… For advice…. This time, there was something he could do. She was letting him help her, at last.
“I can't lose the one thing I have left to live for. I'm already losing her by the day... But I can't just let her forget all she's ever done in her life, all she's ever loved. I've already lost my house. Please don't make me give away the only family I have left. Please.”

The one thing she had left to live for? One thing? That stung, somewhat. He knew it shouldn’t – but somehow the idea that Charlie didn’t consider him ‘something to live for’, even though he treated her so much better than her mother ever had, was deeply hurtful. Still, he understood. Family came first… He still loved his family desperately, even though they were long gone. But… Charlie was his family now.
She was the one thing he had left to live for. He had never really expected her to feel the same, but somewhere deep down, he had secretly hoped… To hear it said out loud had killed that hope.
Still, Kougu shook it off – disregarding his pathetic moment of weakness, and mentally berating himself for his unfair stupidity. Charlie needed him, and he hadn’t said a word.

“Charlie…” He murmured soothingly, “Look at me. Listen to me…” He reached out, cupping long fingers around her chin, and lifting her head with the utmost gentility, as though he was handling an antique porcelain doll.
“Let me help you. I’m here for you – I want to be here for you… Why do you think it nearly destroyed me a moment ago when you were trying to push me away? That’s why I didn’t want you going to see him. It was selfish… I was scared to lose you. I still am…” He shook his head like a bewildered beast, then leaned slightly towards her – desperate just to be closer – and resumed speaking. “But you've made your deal with him now, right? And he almost turned you against me, but... Well, that's behind us now." His voice gained a certain firm edge here, as he refused to let himself dwell on what had almost happened. "You beat him - he'll gladly acknowledge defeat. One thing I'll say for him - he plays by the rules. He makes them, sure - but he doesn't make them to be bent or broken. Everything is a game for him - the world is his chessboard, and the people on it his pieces. He thinks he can manipulate us as he sees fit - and the frightening thing is, he can. Hell, a few well picked words and he had me turning my gun on myself..." Kougu touched his abdomen absentmindedly - remembering the shooting. The complete shock when, instead of watching his father fall, he had fallen himself...
"The point is, you've got the house now - right? He can't take it back. Even if he could, he wouldn't. Just don't give him the chance to get inside your head again. He's dangerous, Charlie. I'm living proof..." Kougu shook his head, shuddering slightly. "As for your mother, I understand how much she means to you, and I'll support you no matter what you decide, okay? Whether you want to put her into the hospital, or hire a personal carer... I wish I could make her better myself, but... Unfortunately I can't help you on that one. I'll pay for whatever care you choose, though."
He set his hands on Charlie's shoulders, and met her gaze with fierce determination.
"Let me help you." He said firmly, the hardness of his gaze emphasizing his point. "You're not alone, Charlie. I'll do anything for you - so stop stressing, stop worrying, stop making every situation more difficult than it has to be. Just trust in me..." He trailed off, reaching out to gently brush a tear from her cheek. "I'm yours. Completely yours. You can use me at your disposal."
Just a tool... To be used as others see fit...