Polo! (how many RPs do you do at any one time? xD)

((Woooot, thank you Dreameh! Haha! *glomps* Was such a lovely treat to log on this morning and find such an epic post awaiting me. I'm afraid my reply is a little on the short side, but I think I gave you a decent amount to work with... I hope so. ))

“Kougu!” At the sound of his name, Kougu froze. He came to a stiff, abrupt standstill, using his instantaneous yet grudging obedience to enhance the aura of unconcerned impatience radiating from him. Clearly, he did not believe that whatever Charlie had to say was worth wasting his time on. He was doing her a favour by hearing her out…
This thought reminded him of somebody, but as he was unable to figure out who it was, Kougu let it go and returned his attention to the situation at hand. ”Hey, wait a minute…”
Wait a minute?
Wait a minute?!
Why the hell should I?! I’ve wasted 50 bloody hours ‘waiting’ for you!
I’ve wasted days during which I could have been dead already. But I endured the suffering… Endured it for you… Only to wish I’d never met you now.
But Kougu remained silent, his thoughts locked within the iron-clad walls of his secretive mind. He could not even allow himself to have such thoughts, no matter how true. He had to be disciplined here, and exercise his denial with flawless precision, else it could not possibly work. Kougu turned to stare at Charlie, quickly convincing himself that he did not recognize her face. She was not Charlie. She was not the girl he had once known, befriended and cared for. She was just one more person... One more blip on the radar that was out to get him, to hurt him, to destroy him.
“So wait, that’s it? You're just going to leave without so much as a goodbye?”
What makes you think you deserve so much as ‘goodbye’? I don’t know you, fiend. Why do I owe you any more than silence?
“Goodbye.”
Kougu spoke the two syllables with crystalline clarity, pronouncing them with a distinct, crisp edge. The same as when he had stopped at her command, Kougu gave the girl what she had asked for exactly how she had asked for it, and when she has asked for it, with that same air of one who is very patiently wasting their precious time on something that does not deserve it.
Once the single word was past his lips, Kougu paused only a moment before walking on again, his long stride quick and unfaltering – showing none of his usual clumsiness. It was as though the dreamer in him had been crushed right out.
“What d-... What do you want from me?”
Kougu ignored the girl’s words and walked on with cold steps – the soles of his shoes tapping smartly on the ground with sharp, authoritative sounds – each one seeming to demand silence.
“What do you expect me to do? Just tell me...”
Ignore. Walk.
“Tell me what I should do. Tell me... Tell me what you want. Because I don't know, I don't know why I'm here. I don't know...”
He could hear the upset in her voice now. He could sense the tears that he had brought to her eyes… And he nearly stopped. But then he remembered: This was not Charlie. This was just one more enemy, trying to manipulate him and break him down by using his friend’s image. He would not fall for such an old trick… No. He was better than that – he had to be stronger than that! For his mother, for his sister, for Charlie. He would avenge them. He would avenge them, if it was the last thing he did – which he hoped to Hell it would be!
Determination crushed the pity from his stone cold heart, and Kougu walked on in the same harsh, definite pace without breaking stride.
He would have continued to do so, too, had the girl not suddenly leaped into his path at that moment, forcing him to stop. His feet came to an abrupt standstill, and he stared straight ahead of him, ignoring her and waiting with long suffering patience for her to get out of his way.
“You don't realise...You don't seem to realise that... that I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for any of this to happen to me...”
Liar! You went to him! You gave yourself to him, therefore you asked for it! Have you so little pride that you would deny it now – whilst knowing full well that I did exactly the same…? That I would recognise your lie?
But once again, Kougu remained silent. She was not worth his dissatisfaction. And he was most certainly not going to give her the satisfaction of knowing she was getting to him. She was just another of his tools… She didn’t care about him. Her feelings didn’t matter.
When he thought on it like that, his perspective seemed unbearably selfish. Perhaps it was… But he was doing it for the people he had lost! Kasan… Neechan… Charlie…
“It's j-... It's just one minute... One minute I'm being bullied by police and the next... The next my house is being devoured by flames!”
Wait… Wait a minute… He was getting the wrong end of the stick here. He had gotten so ahead of himself, that he had actually begun to believe she had already been to see that man. But she hadn’t. Those hardships… They were Charlie’s hardships! The tears, too, were Charlie’s tears!
His resolve shattered, and Kougu’s denial attempts fell by the wayside. He couldn’t do it… He couldn’t just shut out her existence like that… Not when she was standing before him drowning in tears and practically begging him to hear what she was saying.
Why was she so upset, anyway? What right did she have to be upset? The police? Ha! He had destroyed that problem for her. The house? Well, she was getting it rebuilt, right? She already had his father’s sick-minded approval, so it would probably end up better than before.
Jimmy?
Jimmy would not be bothering her now he had a certain mission to complete… This thought brought a brief spark of cheerfulness to Kougu’s cold heart, and he felt it skip a beat in excitement. Death! Yes… It would be skipping far more beats than that, soon enough. A faint smirk curved Kougu’s lips as bitter satisfaction washed over him. Finally, everything was falling into place. This was how it should be. Without a reason to live, without anything to lose or anything to leave behind, he could die in peace.
“I was scared, I was desperate, and I had no idea what I was doing!”
“If that is your excuse, are we done here?” Kougu asked coolly – not really caring that he was being insensitive. She was being overly sensitive, so he might as well balance it all out. She was not the Charlie he knew, in any case. She had betrayed him… After he had finally learned to trust again, given his all to her, had it thrown back in his face and given it to her again, now she STILL chose to crush him, and still expected him to hear out her pathetic excuses afterwards?!
Get real.
Charlie was a better person than you are.
Your impersonation insults her.
But once again, his thoughts remained dumb.
But wait – the fraud was not done yet! Would this be the third strike?
“Okay, so perhaps my mother doesn't call me a robot, or makes me fall to my knees at her presence. But my life's not exactly fun and games, either. You've seen what I've lived with, Jimmy, the people on the streets, the police... No one cares about me. Not even my own family care about me. You said the only reason you live is so you can kill your father, well the only reason I live is to keep my mother alive!”
“I cared.” Kougu hissed, not even realising when the foundations of denial he had so quickly rebuilt fell away completely. Not even noticing that his defences had crumbled, and that he was speaking to Charlie once more. ”I cared!” Kougu repeated, more thoughtfully this time, slapping a hand to his chest for emphasis. More than anything, this gesture proved how upset he was, for physical emphasising gestures tended to be rare for Kougu. “Does that mean that I don’t count? Oh, wait!” He chuckled bitterly, “You’ve already answered that.” He shook his head bitterly, trying and failing to get enough grip on his thoughts and emotions that he could rebuild the defences he had dropped. He felt naked and exposed with all expression plain on his face, and he suddenly found himself looking away to hide the hurt in his eyes.
Surely, he was not this weak?
“I need that house, Kougu. For her sake. The insurance office aren't going to help us. Whether you like it or not, he is my only hope. I wouldn't go to him if there was another option. Even if the odds are against me, I have to put my faith in him to get that house rebuilt. As much as I hate him...”
Her previous words ran through Kougu’s mind, though he did not remember hearing them at all… Apparently, he had been so distraught that his memory of hearing the words had been lost…
“Why don’t you trust me?” He whispered quietly, finally dragging his eyes up to hers. “Why couldn’t you just tell me?!” His voice shook with hurt now, and suddenly Kougu realised it. This was the reason… The true reason he had been so upset. He had not even known it himself… No, perhaps he had not believed it, for it was so unlike him to get so personal.
“Why won’t you let me help you? Or do you think it is because I can’t…?”
He trailed off, his gaze on the ground, suddenly feeling weak and feeble.
“Tell me why, Charlie. Why is it that I can give my all for you again, and again, and again – then he walks in, treats you like dirt, and you instantly give him the trust you never gave me!”
On the final syllable, Kougu slammed his fist against the wall beside him, striking it so hard that a faint haze of dust fell from the disturbed bricks, floating slowly through the air to linger in a cloud around him. His shaking fist remained pressed against the wall, a faint trickle of blood creeping from the grazed skin. His head was bowed, hidden by a thick fringe which for once seemed uncharacteristically neat – the dull, stagnant air leaving the usually rebellious strands completely undisturbed. “What is it about him…?” Kougu whispered softly, his tone lingering somewhere between wonderment and despair. “What is it about him that makes people believe him like that? Trust him, even when they know they shouldn’t…? After I’ve poured my entire life into training, how can he still be that far from my reach?”
Kougu huffed a frustrated sigh, then thumped the wall again before turning back to Charlie, fixing her with a hard gaze. “I’m sorry. Honestly. This isn’t your fault, even though I didn’t realise it until now. It’s him. It was always him…” Kougu shook his head slowly, his eyes closed. “I should never have taken it out on you…”
With a growl of stressed frustration, Kougu ran the fingers of his now semi-functional hand through his hair, brushing his fringe out of his eyes.
“Well, you’re right, Charlie. You’ve done what is best for your mother, and since that is your goal, you should strive toward it. You’ve done well.”
He held out his hand, his long fingers twitching ever so slightly, as though desperate to pull back.
“It’s been great knowing you. Sayonara, Charlie.”
His quiet words offered the farewell she had demanded, his outstretched hand awaiting her agreement.
This was it.
The end.
He had known it was coming…
And now he had to be strong. Always strong… For the sake of his goal.

((Dreameh... Isn't it hilarious how short 2000 words looks now? :3 LMAO! At the start of this RP, I would have been like... "2000 WORDS??!!" *choke-die* ))

((I know, right? I saw the lengths of your posts and thought 'Woah...I'm never gunna be able to write that much!' Now, look! I wrote less than one of these posts for an RE essay on abortion xD I swear if you printed out every single one of our posts so far, you'd literally have a full novel xD))

((Haha! Typical. You should see the trouble I get into when we have to write stupid 500 word essays for school... Everybody is like "It's too much?!" And Polo, of course, does the opposite: Collapsing dramatically onto the desk and wailing that she could never in a million years create something decent in such a small amount of words. Haha! Lazy teachers, not wanting to read. Though admittedly, with the way some of my class write, I'd jump off cliff if I had to read it all... *sheepish grin*
I reckon we could have a Novel, AND a sequel. We're pretty darn good, Dreamehkins. Haha! f you think that it takes me 2 hours to get through less then a third of our RP... About 15 minutes to read ONE of our more recent posts. O.o *dies* That is pretty cool. I am so proud of us! Haha!
*glomps Dreameh buddy*
Want to know something else funny? My OOC posts on this RP are longer than my actual posts on some others... O.o Now that's a little sad... ))

((OMW you too? xD I had a 300 word essay to write on child poverty, and I might have just gone a little...or a lot over the limit and written about 1100 words... And that wasn't even well written, since it was in the 'eyes' of a child of about eight to nine years
Yes, we could, actually. Especially if we made our beginning posts a little more...*cough* like the ones we have now - and by 'we' I mean 'me' - that'd be one cool novel Now, the only question left to answer is what would it be called?
*attack-huggle*
Oh dear, that's pretty bad xD Although, I'm not really one to talk. Some of mine tend to be less than 3-4 lines long when I'm in a lazy mood
Right, I shall go reply now, since I know exactly what Charlie's going to say
And Kougu probably won't like it ... ))

((Haha! Aaah, classic Dreameh. Must have been infuriating to write, though! O.o Most 8 and 9 year olds I know tlk lyk dis n ts rly anyng. *freaks out* *dies*
Dreameh, make it stop. This new 'cellphone era'... I don't like it. o_0
LMAO! No, no - me more than you, my dear friend. But what could we call it... Ummm... Wow, for writers we are pretty uncreative, aren't we?
*ponders*
Everything I come up with sounds lame, even in my head.
Haha! Oh dear, shame on you! ... Me too. *hangs head in shame*
Aaaah, I am so excited! Hehe! Have fun! ))

((Haha! Not really, I just kept repeating myself and used words like mummy, daddy anmd used LOTS of understatements Eg - "I didn't like the drugs. They made my mummy and daddy angry and hurt each other"
Yeah, t'was very depressing, but the video we watched in class was far worse
Ugh, I know. Although I'm afraid it might not stop for a long time yet... Until we're, ya know, grannies
Haha *pokes* in our defence, there aren't exactly that many books where 'street girl meets man-who-has-too-long-to-think-about-life's insane son, are there? We may as well call it The Street
Haha no worries We always make it up and write extended essays on here xD
Okay, sorry the ending's kind of pooey but other than that I'm sort of happy with it Hope it's helpful somehow! ))

“Why don't you trust me?” Kougu's poisoned words caused a chill to trickle down my spine as each syllable seemed to hit my heart like a single arrow hitting it's target. Trust... It was a word which had, admittedly, been thrown round frequently between the two of us throughout the last few days, and it seemed the light-hearted way I'd used it had been taken seriously by Kougu, just this one time. It didn't take Einstein to hear the hurt in his tone. He'd evidently taken my previous words far too personally. The look in his eyes as they met mine made me cringe, and I found myself unable to continue staring at him with that icy gaze locked on me like it was. Already he was on his way to making me feel guilty, but I couldn't yet understand what I'd done that was so wrong. “Why couldn't you just tell me?” His voice was beginning to shake unnaturally now, in a way I could only guess was pain. He was practically blaming me... Why? How could all this me my fault? Alright, Kougu. If you want me to apologize, I will. Here: I'm sorry. I'm sorry my house burned to the ground. I'm sorry I was upset. I'm sorry I took the first offer that was shown to me, and didn't bother asking: 'Hey, I don't suppose you might have a son you names your tool, that you trained to fight and show absolutely no emotion whatsoever who may or may not be completely insane, do you? Oh don't worry, I was just wondering. Just because he wanted to, ya know, kill you...' No! I wasn't about to apologize when I hadn't even done anything yet. I'd told him exactly how I felt about the situation, that I had no choice, that I needed that house back. But no, he'd simply thrown it back in my face. Him, of all people... And he was the one guilt-tripping me?
“Why won’t you let me help you? Or do you think it is because I can’t…?”
Ding ding ding, we have a winner! “Yes! Yes, exactly Kougu. It's because you can't help. Are you happy, now? Because this one time, you can't help me. It's either the insurance office, or your father. Do you get what I have to chose between? You can't exactly build an entire house on your own, even with me beside you. You just can'-”
“Tell me why, Charlie. Why is it that I can give my all for you again, and again, and again – then he walks in, treats you like dirt,” I shook my head in disbelief. [i]Unbelievable... Even now, and he still didn't understand? “and you instantly give him the trust you never gave me!” I flinched as he rammed his fist towards the wall, causing stray particles of dry cement to crumble to the ground by our feet. It was a wonder where all that strength came from, as Kougu's arms were hardly bulky with muscle. Skin and bone would have been a better description, even if it was a little exaggerated. These sudden adrenaline rushes he kept having were beginning to scare me. I winced slightly, imagining my face being on the retrieving side of that fist. I'd be dead. No questions asked. All that would be left from his beatings would be my skeleton and a pile of sloppy pulp that would once have been my body.
Yes, I was grateful he'd used the wall.
It was much less easy to destroy than my face.

I took a moment to think over what he'd said to me. The trust I'd never given him...? What did he think kept me from walking away from him? At any time? I'd told him I trusted him, the first day we'd known each other. He'd told me not to trust him. Yes, I could remember those exact words. The danger is right here. Me. You can't trust me... Then there were my own words: I may regret saying this, but I do trust you. No matter how much you might not like it. Now that I thought about it, I remembered that conversation back on the street near the town centre clearly. I had always trusted him... And he hated the fact until recently. I'd proven my trust simply by staying with him, even when he threatened to kill me. Was that not enough? Or was he just so blinded by hatred for his father that he couldn't see the fact that was right under his nose?

I opened my mouth to argue, but Kougu quickly beat me to it, happily continuing with the rant about his father. Although this time, he'd gone oddly quiet after his little attack on the bricks seconds earlier. “What is it about him…? What is it about him that makes people believe him like that? Trust him, even when they know they shouldn’t…? After I’ve poured my entire life into training, how can he still be that far from my reach?” My eyes narrowed slightly at this, as I couldn't quite understand the meaning behind his words. Far from his reach? What was he talking about? I shook my head, suddenly feeling oddly defeated. He was making me sound like some untrustworthy sod who'd never spoken a word of truth in my life. Hello! I'd not even gone to his father yet. Although I was going to, and no guilt trip would make me change my mind on that one. One offer was better than none, and right now I was desperate. If Kougu's couldn't understand that then...tough. I had no choice, and if he couldn't get it in his mind that this one time, he probably wouldn't be able to help me out of this hell hole I'd sunk into, then I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. But the least he could have done was not make me sound like I'd betrayed him. Well, I could understand if he was feeling a bit mad with me, since he hated his father's guts. But I wasn't exactly fond of the guy, either. I wasn't doing this because I liked him, because I didn't. I was doing this for my mother, and my home. Trust, again, was the wrong word to describe my thoughts towards Kougu's father. I did not trust him. I just... Well, I had to trust him a bit, but nowhere near the amount I trusted Kougu. Why couldn't he see that? It was not easy to win my trust, only when I had no choice in the matter. This was a perfect example. I'd learned not to trust anyone, because they always turned on me at some point. Always.

There was another soft thud as Kougu thumped the wall in frustration for one last time, then he turned to me, and gave me another stern gaze. Despite what he was about to say, he showed no sign of apology in his expression, although that could have been because he was in one of his 'emotionless' moods again, or that he didn't want to show me how he truly felt. I didn't know how he did it, but I wished I had such powers. It was insanely clever, and I was certain that it came handy every now and then. “I’m sorry. Honestly. This isn’t your fault, even though I didn’t realise it until now. It’s him. It was always him...” He then shook his head, letting his eyes slip closed. Despite his apology, I couldn't bring myself to forgive him for what he'd said. “ I should never have taken it out on you…” Darn right you shouldn't, I thought with a spark of irritation. .I knew I was being unfair, but I'd kind of expected the emotional side to work with him, since I knew he hated to see me cry, even if he didn't like to admit it. Actually thinking about it, I made it sound like I was using my power to make him change his mind. That of course, was not true. I hadn't intended to cry, but once I'd started talking it just, sort of, happened... I let out a long sigh, forcing myself to calm down. Kougu had already been riled up enough due to what had happened today, he didn't need any more reasons to hit something – mainly the wall, although I wasn't going to keep my hopes up.

Kougu huffed quietly to himself and casually brushed his fringe away from his face, letting a faint ray of light hit his his pale skin. With his jet black fringe out of the way I could see pretty much most of his facial features, his sleek jawline, his long, thin face, his dark, midnight-blue eyes which were running into a furious black, yet I couldn't quite understand why. “Well, you’re right, Charlie. You’ve done what is best for your mother, and since that is your goal, you should strive toward it. You’ve done well.”
Okay, as many could have guessed, I'm no Einstein. But I couldn't help but sense a spark of sarcasm in there. Of course, he wasn't sorry at all. He hadn't thought I'd done well. He hated me. He hated my guts because of what I'd chosen to do, since I had no choice in the first place. Even if I hadn't done it...yet.
Kougu slowly extended his hand, and for a brief second I thought he was going to grab me or something, after the look I'd seen in his eyes earlier. He probably would have done, too. But to my surprise, and to be honest, relief, he stopped it before it could reach me.
“It’s been great knowing you. Sayonara, Charlie.
Wait.
Wait...
What?!

I stared at his hand for a moment, his words echoing continuously in my brain. It’s been great knowing you. Sayonara, Charlie... Sayonara, Charlie... Charlie... I then glanced up at his face. He was serious... I didn't know what that word was that he'd said before, but all the other clues pointed to one big explanation: He was saying goodbye.

My eyes narrowed. Goodbye? After everything we'd been through, and he was just going to leave me, like that? Where were we meant to stay, now? My mother, me... What if the whole deal with his father backfired and we needed a new home? What about our friendship? Where had it all gone? With a jolt, my jaw dropped. I could not believe... He was saying goodbye? He was saying goodbye! I could have sworn he was mocking me, yet of course, no emotion lingered on his face. If he was mocking me, it wasn't that obvious. Still, I felt my cheeks flush hot in humiliation. He thought I hadn't trusted him, yet he still wondered why?! My lips parted suddenly, and I let out a loud, sarcastic roar of laughter. I couldn't believe this.

I shook my head, biting my lip as my gaze slipped aimlessly away from him towards the street opposite us. It was surprising how quiet it was out there, to say it was early afternoon on a weekday, and that people would probably be out eating lunch right now. Yet not a single engine roared, not a single horn tooted around the bare streets. It was just like someone was asking for something to kick off. Not very helpful... I thought irritably, looking back up at Kougu with dark eyes. “You're saying goodbye...” I trailed off again, finding my own voice shake uncontrollably with emotion. “Yet after...after everything... “ I sighed, forcing myself to look back up at him. “Of course I trust you. I've always trusted you, even when we both knew I shouldn't have. One of the first things you told me about yourself was that I mustn't trust you. That it would be far too dangerous for both of us if I put my trust in you for any reason whatsoever. What d'you think kept me with you? Even when you tried to kill me... Even when you strangled me, I staid by your side. Why, Kougu? Go on, tell me why.”
Without waiting for an answer, I continued, oblivious. “Because I trust you. That's why. You're...” I sighed, looking down. “You're my best friend. But if something this... small could make you want to leave me, then...” I shook my head slowly, a bitter chuckle once again escaping my lips. “I can't believe it's taken me this long to realise...” My eyes flicked down to his hand, held out so innocently in front of him, just like how business partners would part. How acquaintances would say goodbye. But friends? Even a friend of Kougu's would get more than a handshake. Come on... He knew me better than this, surely...

I thought back to the next part of our conversation back on the street corner. It seemed so long ago now, although it was only about a week earlier. I'd been so innocent then, yet so...not, at the same time. I had been sure Kougu hadn't known me. Yet after only a few hours he'd already found out more about me than even I knew. You have lost everything. You're lonely, but you dare not forge new relationships for fear of yet another betrayal. Every time you think you can trust somebody, they turn their back on you, and leave you all alone all over again. Your life is falling apart, and while you do your best to hold it together, you feel that you might lose yourself in the process. At the end of the day, all you want to know is that there is some reason for you to go through all this, yet you are never able to find one, because there simply doesn't seem to be one. Then you curl up all alone and pray with the last of your hope for some miracle to break the cycle, only to wake up knowing that nothing has changed, and have to start all over again.
He knew.
He knew all along this would upset me, yet he did it anyway.
How could he do this to me?
I shook my head bitterly and forced my gaze back up at him, my eyes beginning to water again. After everything we' d done, everything we'd been through, he was just going to throw me away.
Just like all my other 'friends' had done.
“You're all the same.” I whispered, giving him a final cheerless glance before brushing past him, heading in the opposite direction. I saw no point in hanging around him for much longer, as he'd already proven to me that I was no longer wanted in his company. He'd ignored my tears, they only made him frustrated. After everything he'd seen he still believed all this was my fault. His apologies meant nothing to me if he was simply just going to treat me like every one else. I marched towards the hoodie crumpled up on the pavement and scooped it up with my hand. Careful to avoid the huge blood stain spreading across the fabric I continued a few more paces, before throwing it furiously in the wet trail heading towards the gutter. It was no longer any use to me.
Without looking back, I quickened my pace, my only thought to get as far away from Kougu as possible. I didn't want to be anywhere near him anymore.

By the time I had reached the street corner, tears were already flooding down my cheeks.

Oh, I almost forgot

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jamesblunt/tearsandrain.html

Song of the moment

((Okay... Done! Sorry, that was terrible. o_0 And somewhat out of character... But bleh, at least it's done, and it was something slightly different from the norm. Hope it's good enough for you!))

Hand held out before him, Kougu waited for Charlie’s response. This was fine, right? A mutual parting, no hard feelings, and they could both cut their losses and move on. Charlie had no need for him any more, and he – though he could not deny he did need her – had a mission he had to accomplish on his own, anyway. One Charlie would only get in the way of. She had just proved that, after all… She was going to him, wasn’t she? Not just that, but she had been going to go to him without even telling Kougu the truth. Yes, that was what got him. He had never meant for her to trust him… That had been her own foolish decision. But to trust his word? To trust in his abilities? That was a different kind of trust… He had given her no reason whatsoever to believe that he would not turn the world upside down just to make her happy. He would, too. Even if it seemed impossible he would find a way – because he cared. He cared about her… Perhaps too much. Where along the line had she forgotten that? What had lead her to believe that his father could help her, and he could not…?
This thought brought Charlie’s previous words to mind, and Kougu sifted carefully through them, searching for reason. “Yes! Yes, exactly Kougu. It's because you can't help. Are you happy, now? Because this one time, you can't help me. It's either the insurance office, or your father. Do you get what I have to chose between? You can't exactly build an entire house on your own, even with me beside you. You just can'-”
What did she think that man was going to do, different to what he, Kougu, could? He’d fund the rebuilding of the house, or perhaps buy her a new one… What was so special about that? Kougu could do the same. A flash of indignation shot through him, and Kougu was suddenly struck by the image of a sulky child, pouting and screeching in its high-pitched, whiny voice, “But Mom~, it’s not fair~!”
Yeah, that’s right, Kougu. he thought to himself irritably, Be a kid, why don’t you. Throw all your toys out of the cot, bawl your eyes out and whine because your friend made the logical decision of thinking that your father, an adult, would be more helpful in this situation than you.
Yup. Kougu realized now that he was being pretty pathetic, but all the same… All the same… It still hurt. It still hurt to once again be second best to the man who had taken everything from him, and in the cruelest way possible: By tricking him into destroying everything that made his life worth living, with his own hands.
And this, the unkindest cut of all…

Kougu’s thoughts were abruptly interrupted now as loud, raucous laughter shattered the silence. Taken aback, Kougu jumped slightly in surprise, and hesitantly returned his hand to his side, watching Charlie with vague trepidation. What was this about…? Why was she laughing? Had she lost her mind? Had he accidentally made some sort of joke? Was she mocking him…? He honestly didn’t have a clue. For the first time in a long time, he knew what it was to feel clueless. To feel inferior, and infantile… Knowledge is power. Obviously, this was true… For without knowledge now, Kougu felt powerless. He was completely at the mercy of a girl who seemed to have lost her mind. It was unnerving.
Well, at least now you know how Charlie feels. Ha!
Oh, shut up, will you?
“You're saying goodbye...” Charlie stated slowly, and Kougu quickly brought his eyes up to meet her gaze, flicking them back and forth, searching her face for some clue… Some hint as to what was going on in her head. He could hear the emotion in her voice, but he could not detect what emotion it was. He did not understand her at all… He could not read her at all. He could not predict what might happen next… It scared him. Kougu shifted his weight nervously, but remained silent as Charlie continued. “Yet after...after everything... “ She paused, then continued with a sigh. “Of course I trust you. I've always trusted you, even when we both knew I shouldn't have. One of the first things you told me about yourself was that I mustn't trust you. That it would be far too dangerous for both of us if I put my trust in you for any reason whatsoever. What d'you think kept me with you? Even when you tried to kill me... Even when you strangled me, I staid by your side. Why, Kougu? Go on, tell me why.” She did not give him time to answer. Not even time to think. She simply left her question hanging and went on, concluding her point… Answering her own question. “Because I trust you. That's why. You're... You're my best friend. But if something this... small could make you want to leave me, then... I can't believe it's taken me this long to realise...”
She did trust him.
He was he best friend.
But he had messed up.
And now…

“You're all the same.”

Now, he would see the consequences to his actions.
Kougu winced as Charlie brushed brusquely past him and walked away. Every step seemed unnaturally loud… Like the heartbeat of a dying man. They reverberated right through him, each one more painful than the last, until he found himself flinching on every step. Was she really walking away from him? Had his only friend- His only… His everything just left him? Left him, with only those bitter words as a parting gift. ”You’re all the same.” How Hellishly true those words were. How sickeningly accurate… But him? He was different! He always had been! Hadn’t Charlie said it herself…?
”I’ve always been a little…” Yes, he remembered it. The way he had spoken, but trailed off when he met the challenge of finding an appropriate adjective to describe the way ‘he had always been’. But then Charlie, with her sweet, innocent smile, had found it for him. ”Different.”
He understood now. That was what she had seen in him. That was why she had befriended him… for the same reason that everybody else shunned him. Why? Because she was different, too. ”You’re all the same.”
The full magnitude of those words hit him now as Kougu realized what they meant. She had liked him because he was different… Now she was telling him that he was the same. He had et her down, he had betrayed her, and he had failed her expectations. ”You dare not forge new relationships for fear of yet another betrayal.” His own words, from his own assessment of her. He had been correct – uncannily so. Yet Charlie had overcome all that, and befriended him, trusting him not to betray her. Ah, trust… There it was again. Everything boiled down to trust, in the end. Maybe neither of them was giving enough of it, when it came down to it. After all… They had both been hurt. It was only natural that they’d be afraid. Well, that was something they’d just have to work on.

But wait… Work on it? Repair their relationship? Could he honestly still think that?! Charlie’s gone, Baka! What sort of world are you living in that you think there’s still an opportunity for repair?!
Yes, that was right. He was an idiot, thinking he could just pluck second chances like apples from trees. Friendship- Nay, life – it was not that simple. “Something this small…” Charlie was right. Her decision may have seemed like the end of the world to him when he’d first figured it out, but now? Compared to losing Charlie, it was beyond small. It was miniscule. Microscopic, even. What did it matter?
No… Who was he trying to kid? It mattered to him. It still did… His father- How could he have got Charlie under his thumb that easily? It was not her fault… By no means was it her fault. That man simply had a way with people. This was his doing. Once again, his little mental attacks had managed to shift Kougu’s logic, and he had ended up destroying anything which made his life worth living. Last time it had been his family… This time, his relationship with Charlie. He had done it. He had ended it… Yet he could not help but remain certain that, had it not been for his father, he would not have slipped up so badly. He knew he was not capable of hurting Charlie, yet he had just watched her cry in front of him without so much as blinking an eye! Instead of trying to comfort her, he had blamed her, guilt tripped her, and just made everything worse.
You’re such a kid.

Shut up.

You know I’m right. You’re moping over the fact that she’s left, yet you’re not doing anything about it, are you?

Shut up!

You can’t deny it – that’s kid logic, that is.

Can’t you just-

What, shut up? That’s up to you, mate. I’m in your head, after all.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” Kougu muttered, thumping his temples with the heels of his hands. Oh great. Now he was talking to himself…
Sighing irritably, Kougu raked his fingers through his hair, wincing as the movement reawakened the pain in his ruined left hand. Everything that had happened… That was all very well, but what was he to do now? He’d said his goodbyes, and he was free to walk away, just as he had always wanted to… But did he want to? Not a chance. Charlie had become everything to him. He couldn’t just let her go… So why had he even tried?
Why had he tried?
He couldn’t even remember. Everything from before seemed trivial and pathetic now… It was as though he’d aged 10 years in a single second. And about time, too…

”Why can’t he just grow up already?!” The cold male voice demanded furiously. “Because he’s a child! You can’t just expect a boy to be a man the second you ask him to!” The woman replied hotly, her eyes blazing as she challenged her husband. Kougu crouched fearfully outside the door, listening in guiltily to the conversation. He had to grow up… He had to be a man! Then, maybe, his father would be proud… “I won’t let you down, Ottosama.” Kougu murmured quietly to himself, his tiny voice alive with desperation.[/I]

Yes… Kougu remembered his childhood well. Or rather, his lack of it. As it turned out, childhood was rather an important foundation in life that once was not supposed to miss… He had built his maturity on nothing – hence how easily it came crumbling down. But surely, he was not petty enough to cling to his pathetic arguments now he saw that Charlie was in the right, and he was in the wrong? Surely, he could not possibly be that immature…
No.
Squaring his shoulders, Kougu turned and stared after Charlie, struggling with the decision he was now faced with.
Why don’t you go after her? Are you scared your pride will be wounded? Pride – ha! As if you have any of that left. You wouldn’t have listened to your father if you’d had any in the first place.

Shut. Up.

Ooooh, scary. Really – what is your problem? You and I, which basically means you, know you want to go after her – so why don’t you?

I can’t…

But why can’t you? You know damn well that you don’t have a valid reason, so man up and go after her, Baka. You know I’m right.

Kougu gave a growl of frustration, glaring at the wall as though he could blame everything on its dirty, crumbling bricks. Why the hell was this so difficult?!
You’re afraid of being rejected.

I’m not.

Who the hell are you trying to kid?

…

Yeah, I thought as much. But tell me this – acceptance, rejection, who gives?!

I do.

Exactly! But anything’s better than this waiting, right? You can’t just sit around and wait forever, or your opportunity will slip by.

Maybe that would be for the best… Charlie’s better off without me. I’ve always known that.

Have you? As much as you deny it – you know that you know SHE doesn’t think that. Look at her now – You pushed her away, and it made her miserable. How can you still try to convince yourself that she doesn’t want you around?

But if I hurt her…

You almost did! Or have you forgotten…? But she forgave you for that. You know what it’s like… Emotional pain over physical. She’d suffer more if you left her than if you hurt her. Stop being so selfish, Baka. You’re not the only one who feels the way you do. Everybody hurts.

Everybody…?

Listen to yourself! You really are such a kid. Now stop running from decisions, stop stalling by talking to yourself, and face your feelings head on!

Feelings? What did he feel…? He just didn’t know any more! Gosh, why did he have to be so messed up? His own mind was like a thousand piece puzzle to him! Feelings? Did he even have any? His father had never allowed him to – but surely they had still been there? He was human… Humans had emotions – that was simply the way the world worked.
But if that was the case… What did he feel?!
”Have you ever been in love, Kougu? Have you ever looked into another's eyes and thought: 'they need protecting'? When you invite them into your life, you promise yourself you will do everything in your power to make them safe... You promise yourself you will never lay a harmful finger on them, unless absolutely necessary.” The words played through Kougu’s mind like a stuck record, and he suddenly found his dark eyes travelling to where Jimmy lay motionless on the cold ground. Love?! Not a chance… But then why were those words still in his head?! What if-
No. No, no, no, no no no… No.
Jimmy’s little attempt at psychological warfare had really got into his head. He had found Kougu’s weak spot, and lodged a seed of doubt there… Something that he kept digging up at times like this – much to his distress. But come on… Love?! Even he was not gullible enough to believe such rubbish. He didn’t even know what love was…
Exactly. So how would you know if you’re feeling it or not?

You stay out of this! Nobody asked you!

You did!

Did not!

Liar, liar~

And you call ME a kid?

You are being a kid. Can’t even admit that you’re-

Shut it!

Fine, fine… Whatever you like…

Nope. Not a chance. He was even more certain now… He was not the type to fall in love. It was exactly as Jimmy had said, he was simply too soft. Love was not for him – it never had been. He had always been more drawn toward the ‘hatred’ side of things…
Then why are you so upset?

Blah, blah, blah! I’m not listening to you.

Fine, but I wouldn’t even BE here if you weren’t so doubtful…

That was it. He wasn’t thinking about this any more. If he had ‘somehow’ managed to trip and ‘fall’ in love, he had a feeling he would probably know. Since he didn’t – the only logical explanation that he was not in love after all.
The relief he felt at this conclusion concluded his theory, and Kougu even uttered a weak laugh by means of celebration. That had been terrifying… Jimmy certainly knew how to pick his words! Kougu could not remember a time before when he had been so affected, and for so long, by a mental onslaught.
Well… Thank goodness that was over… But now, it was back to the problem at hand. What was he supposed to do?!
Why is it so hard? You know what to do.

I’m scared. That’s the truth… What if she won’t take me back?

Then what? You were going to leave anyway, right? It shouldn’t be so bad. At least you’d have tried, that way.

You’re right…

Finally, he admits it!

Well – you are me, right?

Yeah, yeah wise guy.

…

What are you waiting for? Go after her.

But what if-

GO!


“Charlie, wait!” Kougu shouted, finally managing to break free of his thoughts. He turned quickly, and dashed after her at full speed, stumbling every other step as waves of dizziness crashed over him. He had really messed himself up this time…
Shaking off his thoughts, Kougu swung around the corner – finally bringing Charlie into sight. “Charlie!” He gasped in relief, finally skidding to a stop beside her. “I- I-“ He began stuttering incoherently, then fell silent. He blinked at her for a moment, then dropped his gaze to the ground, feeling heat rush to his cheeks. She was crying… Desperate to comfort her, Kougu searched his puzzling mind for something to say, but it seemed all his words had hidden themselves.
Of all the inconvenient times…
So he said the only thing he could say – honestly, and meaningfully. “I’m… I’m sorry. Really… I- You were right… About- About everything.” He lapsed into silence, his tongue moistening his lips nervously. For a moment he stood, almost vibrating with tension, then he glanced uncertainly toward her – his midnight blue eyes skimming over her tear-flooded ones. He dropped her gaze instantly, focusing on the floor once more, and feeling a hot prickling behind his own eyes within moments.
Come on! He hardly EVER cried! Not even when he was a child… Why now did his eyes insist on attempting to mimic Charlie’s tears? This was the last thing he needed… As if he wasn’t feeling vulnerable enough as it was…
“Please… Please don’t cry.” He whispered – his own voice leaving his lips with a tremor, much to his annoyance. Just this once, couldn’t he be strong? Or at least manage some properly coherent speech… “And please don’t- Don’t go… I- I was stupid… No, I was a complete idiot.
I’m sorry…”
For a moment, he paused. Then he forced himself to meet her eyes. At first the words refused to form, but Kougu forced his unwilling tongue into obedience. “I’m not sure of much right now… But I do know this: You are the best thing that’s happened to me since- Since- I can’t remember when! And I don’t want to lose you now…
I can’t walk away from the biggest mistake of my pathetic life without-“
Silence.
“Without… Without telling you-“
Pause.
“Just how- How completely and utterly sorry I am. For everything.”
Kougu felt a brief spark of relief, and he savoured it for a brief moment before concluding his stressful speech. “I guess… I’m still a kid, for the most part. And then when he’s around, it just makes me regress even more… Until I forget I ever knew how to reason at all..”
He trailed off, then added a quiet afterthought, almost without realising it. “I didn’t mean any of it… Not really. I never want to leave you, honestly. I- I l-“
Watch your words, Baka! What the Hell are you saying?

“Oh, shut up!” Kougu groaned, slapping a palm to his forehead in frustration.
Well, Kougu… So much for coming across as sane!

Will you please, PLEASE, just-

I know, I know… Shut up.


((Aaaand, another song of the moment. [Though honestly, every song I heard today seemed to fit! Haha!] All the Same You should like the song, too... Have a listen, if you like. It's really good, and not quite as 'hard' as my usual music! ))

((Wow Polo, just...wow! Sounds like me and my consciounce
Just a heads up, I probably will be able to reply before next week, but I have a piano exam on Monday which I need to seriously practice for. But I'll find time to reply, since it only took you a single day to reply to mine ))

((Haha! Yeeeeah, I was having a bit of a moment. *hides*
No worries, no worries. *nods* Take your time Dreamehkins *twitch twitch* And good luck for that exam! I know you'll do brilliantly!
*highfives*))

Charlie, wait!” Kougu's calls echoed through the quite street, seeming to fade to whispers as they hit my eardrums. I wiped my watery face roughly, continuing to walk. The rhythm of my footsteps seemed to numb my brain of all thoughts, only to get away, far away from what had just been thrown at me. Was I imagining it? Was Kougu really wanting me to stop and listen after what had just happened? No chance.
Not after what I'd said to him.
You're all the same...
How could I have said such things? Kougu was nothing like anyone else I'd befriended. He was different, there was no doubt about that. He was a marvel. In fact, there was probably no other like him. No, I knew there was no one out there in the world like him. No one would help a thief get away from police, when they were carrying proof that they were guilty in the first place. Everyone else would have turned a blind eye and maybe even helped the police to catch me, because that's what a thief deserves.
That's what I deserved.
But Kougu saw through me. He helped me.
He was my best friend.
You're all the same...
The words imitated mockingly through my brain, reminding me constantly of what I had done. Those words had been uncalled for, they had been totally unfair. But I'd said them anyway. And now I could hear Kougu's voice parroting through the street, his footsteps thundering down the alleyway.
What, what? He was coming after me?
No... No, keep walking.
I was imagining it. I had to be.
Tip-tap tip-tap tip-tap...
Keep walking...
“Charlie!”
Don't look back... Keep walking...
A faint gasp hit my eardrums, causing me to stir slightly. Where had that come from? My head snapped up, just in time to see Kougu skid to a halt beside me. I frowned. What did he want? Had he come to yell at me? To tell me that I was wrong? That he was not the same as everyone else who had betrayed me? Because I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to be anywhere near him. I just wanted to be alone again. I needed to think. “I- I-”
“Go away, Kougu” I whispered softly, slowing my pace and looking up at the horizon, my vision blurred by the tears welling up in my eyes. If he was going to just try and prove me wrong I didn't want to hear it. That day had been hell for me, I was just sick of all this drama. The worst bit of it was, that it had mostly been because of me. Kougu almost committing suicide the night before: because of me. The fire and the fight with Jimmy: because of me. The incident with Kougu's father... The deal, was all because of me. Kougu was about to leave me because my life got in the way of our friendship. All I'd done was cause him grief. He'd said it himself... “ Why is it that I can give my all for you again, and again, and again – then he walks in, treats you like dirt, and you instantly give him the trust you never gave me!” So if he hated me so much, why had he come after me?
“I'm...I'm sorry” I shook my head slowly, still forcing my gaze to the sun hovering above the hills in the distance. I didn't want to hear this...
“Really… I- You were right… About- About everything.” I sniffed, continuing to shake my head definitely. I was right... What about? He'd said everything. But how could I be? He was not the same as everyone else; far from it, in fact. His father showing up obviously wasn't small, to him, anyway. I mean sure, he was one of the most intimidating idiots I'd ever met in my life, but that was nothing opposed to the affect he had on Kougu. The guy was something I could get over, but he had made a huge impact on Kougu's behaviour just by showing his face. What I'd said was so unfair on his behalf, yet he was apologizing for his actions? I wished he'd stop speaking so guiltily, when it was so obvious all this had been my fault. My life had got in the way of him, yet I couldn't do anything about my actions. Choosing to to put my family first was something I couldn't change, no matter how much Kougu tried to persuade me otherwise.
Which meant I couldn't be near him anymore.
“ Please… Please don’t cry.” Kougu's tone had now dropped to a shaky whisper, only making me feel worse about having him in my company. I was making him upset, just by being near him. How bad was that? I might as well have been his father. At least if he poked me in the neck I wouldn't have to live with this regret. But wait, hadn't I just told myself previously that regrets didn't work? Great, my life was even more complicated than I'd first thought. Almost too complicated for me to follow. I didn't like this odd change. I used to take orders and have be done with it. Then I met Kougu, and nothing made sense anymore. All of a sudden the police were no longer at the top of the food chain, and all I thought was right were turning into wrong. The world was wrong. I couldn't get my head around it anymore.
“And please don’t- Don’t go… I- I was stupid… No, I was a complete idiot.
I’m sorry…”
I shuffled to a stop beside him, my gaze slowly slipping to the floor. He seriously thought- He thought that he-... What?
“Kougu...”
I was leaving because that's what was best. Because he wouldn't like what I had planned. He had been right with what he'd said. He had cared, and I'd just blanked him out. He'd always cared about me. I'd said what I'd said because I had to say it. Sure, at the time I hadn't been thinking of anything other than the fact that I was being abandoned, betrayed again. But now I thought about it, it all worked out. If I wasn't friends with Kougu, I'd be able to carry out this deal without worrying about having him on my conscience.
Wait.
Wait a minute...
Did I just think that?
How could I push Kougu away like that, after everything we'd been through. We'd gone through so much in such a short amount of time. Hello! These tears weren't for nothing. Neither was Kougu. Which reminded me, he'd just apologised. And I'd ignored him... Moron.
“I’m not sure of much right now… But I do know this: You are the best thing that’s happened to me since- Since- I can’t remember when! And I don’t want to lose you now…I can’t walk away from the biggest mistake of my pathetic life without-” I frowned, sniffing back the tears that had silently been rolling down my cheeks involuntarily. I didn't know why I was still crying, but now I'd started I couldn't seem to stop. I shuffled round to face him, looking up as he met my gaze sternly. He paused. “Without...without telling you- Just how- How completely and utterly sorry I am. For everything.” He seemed utterly relieved that he'd got the words out, and so I decided I wasn't going to walk away just yet. I at least owed him that. I admitted, I was hurt that he was ready to walk away from me just like that, but I couldn't exactly talk anymore. I hadn't even said so much as a goodbye, so I couldn't let him beat himself up over his own actions. Still, I left him to talk.
“I guess… I’m still a kid, for the most part. And then when he’s around, it just makes me regress even more… Until I forget I ever knew how to reason at all...” He trailed off, almost thoughtful, then added as if as an afterthought. “I didn’t mean any of it… Not really. I never want to leave you, honestly. I- I-”
Almost without realising it, I let out a long sigh. His words should have touched me, that he didn't want to leave me, and such. But it didn't. It just seemed to make me feel worse. The problem was, he had meant it, because he'd looked at me right in the eye and told me it was goodbye. He had been sane, and he had thought about it, whether he had done properly or not didn't matter. At the time he really hand believed what he was doing was right. That's what made it worse. I looked down, stuffing my hands miserably in my pockets. The problem was, how was I supposed to tell him that?
“Oh, shut up!”
Eyes narrowing, My gaze flashed back up to Kougu, irritation and honest puzzlement rushing through my mind. I'd not said anything. So why was he-...
He thumped his forehead angrily, as if answering my question for me. Was he... talking to himself? I raised my eyebrows in surprise, unable to stop a single side of my lip to twitch into an amused smile. Even at a time like this he never seemed to change. Shaking my head in amusement, I let my gaze drop back to the ground. I shouldn't have been smiling, after all, he really did look pretty mad at his head, but I couldn't help myself. I then realised how wrong I had been. You're all the same... Of course he wasn't he same! Who else shouted at their own head?

“Kougu, stop” I mumbled softly, bringing my attention back on speaking and responding to his words. I couldn't let him call himself an idiot, after all he'd done for me. It just wasn't fair. “You weren't an idiot...” A sigh escaped my lips as I let my gaze slip back on the golden horizon, where the sun's rays were beaming down on the golden hills, causing them to slowly run into a fiery red. “You were just... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought your father up so soon after he'd gone. I should have kept my thoughts to myself. You were right to be upset.” I swallowed, turning back to him slowly. “I apologise for what I said. I know- I know it was uncalled for. I didn't mean it...”
Then a thought struck me.
Frowning thoughtfully, I gazed aimlessly back out onto the horizon. This was the perfect time. The perfect time for us to know more about each other. Of course, I knew some things about him; where he lived, who his father looked like, what happened to his family... In the same case what he knew about me; that my family were gone, other than my mum of course, and that I had a history of thieving, and jewel thieving – even if it was only the one time. But, despite the fact we had known each other for just under a week now, we still knew barely anything about each other. Weren't friends supposed to know each other pretty much from the inside out? “Talk to me, Kougu” I said quietly, still keeping my gaze on the horizon. I didn't want to sound too demanding, although I'd probably already crossed that line already, I realised. “You speak all the time, but you never say anything...” I trailed off. Perhaps I should have planned what I was going to say before I opened my mouth in the first place... “Facts don't have much important to me, Kougu. Thoughts and feelings do. You don't have to tell me everything. Just... just tell me something.” I rubbed my chilly hands together in attempt to keep them warm, blowing out a warm breath into my palms and repeating the process once again. Once I was satisfied, I slipped them back in my pockets and looked up at him thoughtfully. “I tell you what, you answer a couple of my questions, and I'll answer yours. Hows that?” Suddenly realising my eyes were still watering, I ran a hand slowly over my tear-stained face, groaning tiredly. What a day it had been so far. And I still had to go find Kougu's father before sunset. Time was ticking. Still, a minute ago I had thought I wouldn't have a friendship as good as this ever again. I wasn't going to throw it all away now.
At least, not yet anyway.

((Bleh -__- Sorry, it's kind of bad, and random, and out of character, and all-in-all pretty shocking. I'm not happy with it :/ But I've got to go, and might not reply until after Monday. But thanks, I hope I do do well. I've been preparing for it pretty much all year ))

((Finally done!!!! ))

”Kougu, stop.”
The quiet words nearly blended with the silence, yet they struck Kougu’s eardrums like a gunshot – for it was that voice and that voice alone that he had been waiting to hear. It was his sole concern in the world at that moment: Charlie, his friendship with her, and exactly what had just happened to it.
Okay, so perhaps there were a few concerns after all, but they all linked back to the same thing.

Kougu’s dark gaze flickered toward her, and he watched Charlie nervously – unable to read her expression, and thus feeling terribly vulnerable. He hated not knowing where he stood. He hated it! It was like standing on a layer of ice over a boiling pit of lava, and not knowing how thick it was or how quickly it would melt. And even that, he would probably be able to calculate if he tried hard enough… But Charlie? No… Perhaps he was far-sighted in a way. He had been able to read her once – clear as a book, just about. But now it seemed that the closer he got to her, the harder it became. Maybe that was for the best… Maybe it was life’s way of preparing him for the blow of her farewell.

Please, Charlie… Please don’t say goodbye.

“You weren't an idiot...” Well… It wasn’t ‘goodbye’, but it wasn’t true, either. He had been an idiot of note. He had already accepted that and come to terms with it, though of course that did not make the results of his idiocy any less heartbreaking. He was rather furious with himself… Still, if Charlie was saying that-

Stop guessing, Baka. Just listen.

Listen… Yes, he had to listen. To hear Charlie out and make sure he fully understood exactly what she was saying to him before he responded. He had been far too emotional lately: Speaking on a whim and dangling his heart out on a string. Such hot-headed quick thinking was never helpful. He had to cool down and consider things more, using logic and knowledge. Cold, hard facts. Yes… No more assumptions. He would not mess up again.
“You were just... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought your father up so soon after he'd gone. I should have kept my thoughts to myself. You were right to be upset. I apologise for what I said. I know- I know it was uncalled for. I didn't mean it...”
Wait, what?
What was that about listening? Paying close attention there, weren’t you?

Shut up.

Wait… Focus… What had Charlie just said? That he was right to have been upset? Utter rubbish! There was no excuse for the way he’d acted. None at all. Still, he appreciated the fact that Charlie was still, even after all this, looking out for him.
And she’d apologised, too… He knew he didn’t deserve any sort of apology, yet… Yet still… Gosh, why did she have to be so kind? It would almost have been easier if she’d just hit him, raged at him… Anything… Though he had to admit, he was relieved that she hadn’t meant what she’d said… It seemed everybody said things they regretted when emotions ran high. That was why he was better off without emotions… They were simply such troublesome things. If only he’d been able to master that training… What was the use of being able to shoot a moving target from a hundred meters away if he could be destroyed completely in a moment by a few simple words? Finally, he understood why his father had been so angered by his failure in emotional control. It was important… So important.
He sighed softly, allowing himself to drift further into thought, and slowly escaping from reality. He knew he should have replied to Charlie, but living in the present just seemed like too much hassle at that moment. He would much rather just quietly slip away into the tranquil depths of his imagination.
But that wasn’t fair.

Pay attention. You owe her that much, at least.

No… I owe her far more.

Then listen to her, for Pete’s sake! Honestly – this logic of yours… It makes no sense!

Yes, that was true… He ought to be paying attention. With a Herculean effort, Kougu dragged himself back to the present and glanced toward Charlie, listening to what she was saying.
“Talk to me, Kougu”
He glanced at Charlie, suddenly frowning in confusion – his eyebrows drawn close together above his deep blue eyes in a way that enhanced the premature creases on his pale forehead.
What had Charlie meant by that…?
He watched her closely, following her gaze to the horizon, staring at it for a moment, then looking back toward her, feeling flustered and distressed. She was so calm… So quiet. Wasn’t she angry? She had to be angry after he had been such a fool… Judging by what she’d said back then, she had been. But then again, just a few moments earlier she had apologised. Did that mean that, perhaps, her case was the same as his? That she hadn’t really meant to say what she had… That perhaps she just hadn’t thought, or thought too much, and said the wrong thing…
But still – Talk to her? He didn’t understand. He had been talking just a moment before… Talking an uncharacteristically large amount, for that matter. In fact, now he thought on it, he had become a lot more talkative since he had met Charlie those few days ago. Days. It felt like centuries.

“You speak all the time, but you never say anything… Facts don't have much important to me, Kougu. Thoughts and feelings do. You don't have to tell me everything. Just... just tell me something.”
Kougu glanced down, gnawing on his lip as he considered what she had said. She wanted him to speak to her… To tell her about- What? Thoughts and feelings? What would be the point of that…? His thoughts and feelings were generally hidden inside his head for very good reasons indeed, and he did not feel like morphing into a great Mount Vesuvius and spewing molten crazy all over her until she turned to stone and crumbled to dust. Well, perhaps that was a tad dramatic, but that was exactly his point. Share his thoughts?! The sorts of things that went through his head… No, she would never understand. He could not expose her to that sort of… Of… He didn’t even know what to call it. More often than not, the thoughts running through his mind were filthy and despicable, tainted by death.
That could not possibly be what she wanted…
“T-tell you something…?” Kougu repeated uncertainly – unwilling to decline for fear of breaking the delicate balance keeping Charlie from walking away from him, yet unwilling to accept for obvious reasons.

Thankfully, Charlie saved him then by explaining further. “I tell you what, you answer a couple of my questions, and I'll answer yours. How’s that?”
“Oh!” Kougu exclaimed, actually laughing in his relief upon hearing these words. That was so much simpler… He could understand that… He could do that. “If that is what you wish of me… Of course I shall. To the best of my ability, at least.” Kougu promised with a smile – relief slackening the tight muscles in his cheeks to give his face full expressional function once more. “I mean – I don’t know what I could say, but- Well… Yeah… Maybe you’d better just ask me something…” He trailed off, seeming vaguely confused, and scratching his head with a sweet, childlike innocence. “And… And Charlie…” He added uncertainly, speaking hesitantly in his fear of bringing up what had happened before: Terrified that the mention of it might act like the snap of a twig to a lion’s prey, and cause her to run from him, evading the claws of his friendship. “I- Uh- Well… Thanks. You know… For- For not holding all that against me, back there…” He took a deep breath, then went on slightly more steadily. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness… I don’t. But I’m not going to make the same mistakes again. Not ever!” He shook his head fervently, as though the very thought of his idiotic actions was too much for him to bear.
“I’ll never do anything like that again.” Kougu murmured softly, his voice shaking in cold fury with himself.
“I swear…”
He paused a moment.
“If you’d let me try again, that is…”

Why would she, after what he had done…? Why should she?
He had no answer.

Great so far, Polo! I'm sorry the last paragraph was a little odd... If you want me to chance bits of the speech to make it easier just give me a shout

((Gah, no, I'm hating it - hence why I haven't been able to continue. Lack of time and motivation. Hehe! But I'll try to get it done tonight... I hope... And then I'm on holiday from Thursday, though I still have champs... But yeah, I hope I'll be back up to standard soon! Until then I'll have to rely on your incredible tolerance levels! You don't need to add more - your post was utterly perfect - I'm just in major block mode at the moment. Haha! Though obviously if you did want to add more I would not complain, since I do so love Dreameh writing. ^_^ ))

((Aww, don't worry Polo, tis nowhere near as bad as mine, I don't care what you say No worries, as long as you haven't ditched me Happens to us all Hope to hear from you before you go on holiday! ))

((Nope, it is worse. *folds arms stubbornly* I can't even bring myself to READ it! *dies* ... I'm going to watch an episode of anime, then try again. Haha! I can't believe how difficult it is to think of something to type... O.o So this is TRUE writer's block... Haha!))

((No, it's not... haha okay then, if it works for you I feel sorry for you *nodnod* *offers Polo-special inspiration cupcake* ))

((Haha! Naaaw, thank you my friend.

Ooooh! I know! ^_^ It's my art exam tomorrow, so that means I don't need the car drive to study [Yup, that's my version of studying] I can type something then. Today I'm just not feeling it... *coughs* But since I'll have nothing else to do in the car anyway, y'know... Haha!))

((LOL! You're worse than me, and I didn't think that was even possible o_0 'Tis okay, Polo. Take as long as necissary *pokes* ))

((Done... Very sorry. Not only was it awful, but it was short... And useless! Haha! Ifyou have any twist ideas, or... ANYTHING! Just let rip. o_0 Because Polo is currently broken, so it seems...))

((Polo! *poikpoik* It was fine! Don't beat yourself up about it. I'll relieve you now for a bit, just while I think of a reply myself ))

((Okay, I have some sort of 'mini' twist, which probably won't fully happen until later on in the RP. But still, it might help you find something to write about I was going to use it in this post, but then I'd feel bad if it got any longer Hope it helps... at all ))

Kougu's entire seemed to melt with relief as my words finally sunk in, when comprehension finally dawned on him as he realised what I had asked of him. I didn't want much, I just wanted the truth. That was all I asked for. No more lies, no more secrets. He had no reason to lie to me again, as I wasn't intending to ask him any more personal questions on his dead family, or his harassing father. Personally, I felt I'd had enough with all these family problems and the never-ending hell that was the present. I wanted to ask him things... little things that don't usually matter to anyone else but me. Kougu knew so much about me, although he knew more about me now than the 'me' before any of this happened. despite all the questions I'd tried to ask him, he barely answered them, and if he did it was barely ever truthful. So I was going to get to know him, and hopefully I would understand him more.
Well, I could dream, couldn't I?

“If that is what you wish of me… Of course I shall. To the best of my ability, at least.” He ran off his words with an honest smile, although I still found myself yet to be convinced. The best of his ability... I didn't want 'ability'. I wanted the truth. Still, I'd have to choose my questions carefully, since it's difficult to believe that someone is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in their place. Although thinking about it, Kougu was just as bad a liar as I was, therefore knowing whether he was telling the truth or not should have, logically, been no problem. “I mean – I don’t know what I could say, but- Well… Yeah… Maybe you’d better just ask me something…” Despite myself, I found myself giggling slightly at his hopeless babbling. I really had unnerved him with what I'd said earlier, hadn't I? “Yeah, maybe I should...” I uttered, biting my lip to force back yet more giggles that were threatening to dribble from my lips. Now was the wrong time to be laughing... Kougu scratched his head awkwardly, suddenly seeming all sweet and innocent once again – a trait I was glad to finally see again after all that had happened back there on the cobbled street. I was glad just to see him again, not the stranger that had been him back there, earlier on. This was the boy I'd befriended... Or should I say man, since he was a good couple of years older than me. But anyway...
I forgot my point.

“And...And Charlie...” I looked up at the use of my name and gazed into his midnight-blue eyes with a blank expression. Kougu looked suddenly uncertain, like he was almost scared of saying anything in case... Well, I didn't know exactly what he was fearing, but I had a feeling it was to do with the way I'd react. I guessed my reaction to his farewell back there had thrown him slightly. “I- Uh- Well… Thanks. You know… For- For not holding all that against me, back there...” He paused for a short breath, then continued his speech more calmly. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness… I don’t. But I’m not going to make the same mistakes again. Not ever!” He shook his head with determination, and I found my lips begin to tug a smile. He thought he didn't deserve my forgiveness? Wow, and I'd thought it was meant to be the other way round! After all, how much had he done for me? Well, he'd saved my backside from a house fire, for one. He'd let me stay in his house, he'd got me pardoned my the police, he'd paid goodness-knows-how-much to a shop keeper just so I could set foot in the shop once again. He'd saved my life, and he'd done something no one had done for me for well over half a decade.
He'd been a true friend.
Yet I'd looked him right in the eye and told him he was just like everyone else?
No, it was me who couldn't be forgiven, not entirely.
Still, I let him speak.

“I’ll never do anything like that again. I swear...”
Pause.
“If you’d let me try again, that is…” I stared at him, like he'd been speaking in a complete different language. Try again? Try again?? I hadn't even realised we'd stopped. Of course, there had been that glitch back there, but seeing how sorry he was and how much he regretted his actions had made me forgive him almost as soon as I heard him speak when he'd come after me. No, there was no 'trying again,' because there was nothing to try again. Our friendship had never stopped in the first place. Sure, we had argued, but didn't all friends? Perhaps that was just something Kougu had to figure out for himself... My face broke into a smile, and I looked away from him, finding myself beaming. “Kougu...” I shook my head in amusement. “Kougu, it's alright. It's fine. Without a doubt...” I shrugged, waving off the previous half hour with the flick of my hand. “It's forgotten. Look, these things happen. I mean, sure I was upset, you were too. It's just...” I sighed, my smile slowly drooping from my face. “It's not what you said that upset me. It's the fact that... That you honestly believed you were doing the right thing...” My top front teeth slipped to my bottom lip as I gnawed (spelt it right! ) it gently. I looked back at the face Kougu had been wearing when he'd said those two innocent words as he held out his hand politely, like we had been two business partners sealing a deal with a simple handshake. Sayonara Charlie. Despite his hushed tone, his expression was full of certainty. He looked me right in the eye, his hand outstretched towards me, the only movement being the slight twitching of his fingers as they neared towards me in the midst of the dead air. It was the fact that he genuinely thought he was doing good by leaving me like that, not just the fact that he'd said it. The look in his face had tole me he had thought it through. Perhaps he hadn't done so well, but he had thought about it. That upset me more than anything else.
It reminded me I was nothing more than a speck of dirt on the sole of his shoe.
But now all that was changing.
Apparently.

“You had actually thought about it, that was the thing” I muttered quietly, gazing aimlessly down the cold, grey street. “You thought about it, and you'd brought yourself to the conclusion that saying goodbye was the best thing, despite everything...” I shook my head, letting my gaze slip down to the shadow gliding over the bricks on the wall beside me as I walked. So much for letting it go... I thought bitterly to myself. It was true, I hadn't forgotten, and I would probably never forget the look he'd given me. But now things seemed to be going well and Kougu had apologised. So had I. Therefore, there was nothing to remember, was there?

Clearing my throat, I lifted my gaze once again to admire the golden rays of the sun setting alight the burning hills in the distance. Back to the question.
“Kougu, when you were young...” I began, swallowing as I paused to think through my word choice. “Like, when you were really young, where did you play? All those little hide-a-way's that only a child knows. Was it near here?” My eyes re-lit with life once again as I squinted at the burning rays of the mid-afternoon sun blazing down from behind the thick grey clouds that passed by momentarily every now and then. I'd never noticed a sun this bright, despite the countless number of times I'd run down that very street. It had never crossed my mind how beautiful it looked beaming down on the land just beyond the every day drama the city had to offer. Not since...

“Charlie...” The young boy's voice echoed innocently down the quiet street. He looked around quizzically. He could have sworn he'd seen his sister somewhere...
“Charlie!” He tried again, shivering as a blast of ice-cold wind howled over him, causing his little Thomas The Tank Engine t-short to waft in more cold air over his goose-pimpled skin. He crossed his arms tightly, hunching over himself miserably. Where had she got to? A flash of brunette caught his eye as his head snapped up, squinting over just beyond the window of an old, silver Mercedes. Hope flooded through him as he jogged on towards the figure, his heavy footsteps thundering down the hard cobbles. “Charlie? Is that y-”
“Shhh!” Came the angry reply, as his sister's head bobbed up through the window to peer a few cars down to where another girl looking about the age of seven or eight creeping around to do the same. The boy frowned as he crept over to his sister, standing just by the front of the car so he had a good view of the road in case whatever they were hiding from came into view so he knew what he would be able to do the same. “But Charlie...”
“Alex, shh!” the girl hissed, still keeping her eyes locked on the road a few meters down.
“But Charlie, mummy...”
“Ready or not, here I come!” Another female voice jeered as more footsteps danced down the quiet road. The boy's dark eyebrows knitted together. What were they doing?
“Alex, get down!” His sister hissed, reaching over and grabbing the bottom of his jeans, dragging her over behind the car. “Get down and shut up.”
The boy thought back to what his mother had told him to do. He looked over to the roof of their house, where the warm smell of fried beef and pasta wafted into his nostrils. Pasta. His favourite dinner. He turned back to his sister, his stomach rumbling loudly.
“But Charlie,” he whispered “Mummy's got...”
“Seen you, Charlie!” The seeker sang as she waved over at his sister, before wheeling round to go find her other friends. “Molly, seen you too!”
His sister scowled with distaste and came out of her hiding place. Ignoring her brother, she walked round to her peer, pulling her red woollen cardigan more over her cold arms. “What gave me away?” she asked.
“You're big-mouth brother” The girl sneered, gesturing to the boy as he scrambled to his feet, brushing the small stones scratching at his knees off his clothes. He pulled a face at the girl's comment and stuffed his hands in his pockets and slumped his shoulders, something in which he had learned from his sister and father, and looked up at his older sister, clenching his fists in frustration. “Charlie...”
“Save it, Al” She interrupted, turning to him as her friends said their farewells and parted back to their own homes. Grumbling to herself, she turned to see some of her friends giggling behind their backs and shook her head angrily.
The boy looked up at her with wide, wounded eyes. Why wasn't she listening? He wouldn't have come here if it wasn't important. “Charlie, listen!”
The girl raised an eyebrow expectantly.
“Mummy said to tell you that dinner's ready. She wants you back in the kitchen to set the table im...ime...” he growled in irritation. He hated having to say long words. “immediat-”
“I don't care what your excuse is, Alex!” The girl shot back, pushing him sharply towards the pavement. “I wouldn't care if your gerbil was dying. Why do you have to come over and ruin everything?!”

((Those flashbacks always end up longer than intended ))

I cleared my throat once again, blinking hastily to try and force back the tears that were pricking furiously at the lenses. Of all the times, that had to have been one which really got Alex in tears, and not just little ones. He didn't eat dinner that night, nor did he have any supper. He ran straight to his room and bawled his little heart out. Dad had a big conversation with me that night, about how it was unfair of me to say such things, that Alex had only been doing as he was told, that I should have apologised... I looked down at the cobbles rolling under my feet as we moved, looking over at the spaces where that very Mercedes had been parked that time. Of course now, it no longer existed. Now sat a sleek black mini, lined in a jazzy white around the bumper and front lights. It looked nothing like that Mercedes, but to me they were exactly the same. They were even parked the same way. Two wheels propped up onto the raised edge of the pavement, the other half of the car remaining on the uneven cobbled ground. This street held so many memories, I didn't really want to remember them, to be honest. Okay, I admit it, I was a brat when I was younger. I was a mean little brat to my brother. I had mean, bratty friends too. But I had no idea I would have to repay all that by living the rest of my life like...like this. Serving my mother and having to provide the food and money we had so little of.
But of course, now Kougu was here, that would no longer be a problem.
Would it?

“I used to play here” I mumbled, opening my arms to gesture to the area around us. “It was the perfect hide and seek playground back when I was younger. Of course, it's all changed now. Still... to me it seems the same.” I sighed, looking around the quiet street. It was almost as if it was asking for some young child to jump out from nowhere and shout 'Ready or not, here I come!' “Stupid, really” I said, shaking my head. “Seeing as it's just a street. Just a stupid street...” I trailed off. This was mad. All of it. It was like I was turning into Kougu.
Well, maybe I was, but I didn't want to remember all I ever did wrong.
I'd be here for eternity. Just... remembering.

Was this how he felt everyday he carried on living, remembering the family he killed?
I didn't even want to know.
He wasn't a killer, not any more.

At least, that's what I liked to tell myself anyhow.

((The Polo is BACK!!!! Dreameh fixed it. Hehe! Not the longest post in the world, but over 2000 words, and I actually wasn't overly disappointed with it. Hope it's okay! ^_^
Thank you for your post - it was amazing! I was 'Naaaw'ing and 'Aaaaw'ing and giggling and grinning... It was just incredible, and so inspirational! I was easily able to type up my whole post right away!
Aaaaah, I feel refreshed! ^_^ *huggles* Thank you so much!))

The sight of Charlie’s smile relieved him, and Kougu felt his face reflecting it subtly . He was surprised how easy smiling had become… Before he had met Charlie, he had barely been able to remember how. He simply hadn’t had a reason to smile… Life had been empty, pointless. Every day had literally been twenty four hours of cruel nothingness.
The very thought was exhausting, and it had soon dragged the smile from Kougu’s tired face – yet his eyes still held that subtle cheer as he listened to what Charlie was saying.
“Kougu, it's alright. It's fine. Without a doubt… It's forgotten. Look, these things happen. I mean, sure I was upset, you were too. It's just...”
He gave a faint chuckle at the amusement in her tone – actually sharing the joke for once. He had overreacted again… Rather extensively – even after everything had already ended. As usual, he hadn’t realised everything was alright again until Charlie had actually told him directly a moment before.
One would think that with a mind like his, he’d be able to work things out without needing others to point out the obvious.
Finally, Kougu raised his head again, only to find that Charlie’s smile had slipped away, and her tone had become for subdued. He frowned slightly, drawing himself upright and distancing himself slightly, as though to prepare himself for what was to come.
What had changed now…?
“It's not what you said that upset me. It's the fact that... That you honestly believed you were doing the right thing... You had actually thought about it, that was the thing. You thought about it, and you'd brought yourself to the conclusion that saying goodbye was the best thing, despite everything...”

Kougu’s eyes widened slightly as comprehension finally dawned on him. So that was what it was! Finally, he understood what Charlie had been upset about! But now, should he feel guilty again for what he’d done? Apologise again?
No. By this stage, he had apologised so much that it must have lost effect. If he was not careful, Charlie would become immune to it, and apologies would no longer have any effect on her. Like when he was a child, and his father had been forced to use every form of punishment he could think of to keep it effective. Kougu bit back a bitter chuckle at this thought. It had been effective, all right… That man had Kougu under his thumb, right up to the present day. But that was not the point: The point was that if he threw apologies at Charlie every time something went wrong, they would become cliché. Then what would he do when he really, desperately needed to express his remorse?
No, this was not a time for apologies – that time had passed. As Charlie had pointed out, this was a time for talking. This time, he would try something different. He would shift the guilt aside, and explain why. Explain how he had come to that conclusion.

“You’re right.” Kougu stated softly, his voice steady and calm now. “I did believe I was doing the right thing… But you see, that is the problem with me.” He paused a moment, thinking how to use his words, then continued. “I don’t… Make decisions, or consider situations, or decide on solutions. I calculate them. It’s what I was taught, and it’s how my mind works.” He shrugged helplessly, raising his shoulders almost to his ears and turning his palms upwards. “So that is how it was. I worked out what solution would be best, logically, and it was undeniably the one I’d worked out years ago: To just cruise by, on my own, biding my time and not giving myself a chance to hurt anybody. Especially you… It- It just fits. The logic is unquestionable.” Kougu took a deep breath, and closed his eyes for a moment – clearly preparing himself for something epic. Then he took his first step into the unknown, and spoke from – unless he was somehow mistaken – his heart.
Well, not that an organ could truly generate thought, but that was the metaphor that people commonly used, and he could understand why. It simply had a more dramatic effect, than to ‘speak from the mind’. “But I missed something.” He paused again, briefly this time, and when he spoke again, a slight nervousness sped up the pace of his speech just a little. “I calculated and all, but I didn’t think. I never paused to consider everybody involved – you and I – and our feelings on the matter. Such things don’t matter, logically… So I simply didn’t include them in my calculations, and when it came down to it…” He paused, slowly drawing in a breath, and releasing it in a stressed sigh. “When it came down to it, I never expected emotions to matter so much. I’ve seldom had to deal with them before – not like this – and I wasn’t prepared for the reality of the pain it caused me when I realised exactly what my ‘solution’ would mean. I suppose… Maybe it was the same for you. And if it was, I’m truly sorry, because the thought that I was actually going to lose you stabbed way deeper than any sword.” He paused a moment, then added with a faint chuckle, “And I would know.” Indeed, his father had nurtured a certain fondness for swords, which Kougu had experienced an undesirable amount in his youth. “So… That’s that, then.” Kougu finally concluded, shrugging simply and offering a slight smile. “I’ve got a lot to learn.” He admitted with a laugh, “Who’d have guessed that people aren’t numbers?”
Wait – was that a note of sarcasm?
Kougu shook his head in amusement. It really was silly… He knew so much, yet he knew all the wrong things. He felt as though he was learning more from Charlie simply by being in her presence than he ever had from any book or tutor. More like torturer…

What, are you a sarcasm expert now, wise guy?

Kougu heaved an exasperated sigh, then glanced toward Charlie with a smile. What was it she’d said? Something about playing…?
He followed her gaze, glancing over his surroundings. It was a pretty, peaceful street. The bright, golden rays of the run softened the harshness of the black tarmac, and lush green trees threw a flash of colour to the scene. Flower boxes were visible outside some of the windows, and the cars in the driveways twinkled glossily in the gilded light. It was a classically beautiful, tranquil scene. The perfect place for the usual childhood games – those hours of enjoyment that could be sapped from just about any scene, no matter how ordinary. That was the innocence of childhood… Extravagance was not needed for pleasure.
Then again, Kougu was hardly an expert. And when he spoke, his answer proved this.
“I wouldn’t know.” He admitted quietly, seeming slightly ashamed. “I never really… Played.” He frowned, trying to remember any of his childhood games, but he just ended up shaking his head hopelessly. “Nope. I seldom got out… It was just training, studying, training, studying…” He ran his fingers through the hair, as though he could still feel the stress of it all right at that moment, then he chuckled slightly – still feeling too elated by his ongoing friendship with Charlie to feel too upset by what had happened in the past. “You’re right, though. It looks like the perfect place.” He smiled kindly, then turned his head away from her and gazed curiously around the street – trying to picture Charlie playing here as a child. It was difficult… He just couldn’t picture her… Having fun. He frowned slightly, then – realising something. That wasn’t right… When he tried to picture himself ‘playing’ as a child, that was impossible as well, but that wasn’t as concerning. He had never learned to enjoy himself – he was learning now. But Charlie… She had known. What she said proved it – so why couldn’t he see it now? Where was that happy, laughing child? He couldn’t even see it in his mind – and his imagination was as vivid as it was possible to get.
This wasn’t right… He wanted her to be happy again.

Kougu frowned, thinking back. When had he seen her happy…? The first time, he thought, had been when he’d pulled that silly prank on her. Stupid thing to do, really… Pointing a gun at a complete stranger with a record like his – even if it was just a water pistol. Then again, ‘record’ would imply that his crimes had been recorded. No chance – with his father at the wheel.
Still, that was not the point. He had to get that man out of his head… The point was, he remembered Charlie’s grin when she had pointed out the wetness on her shirt that he had caused. Thinking back, he wondered why he had done that. She had seemed quite tense and uptight, and he had wanted to put her at ease… And figured he’d do that by giving her a fright. At first it seemed illogical, but when one thought into it more carefully, it made sense. The fear would increase the stress dramatically, then the relief would be exaggerated to relieve both the fear and the tension from before.
But still… To do something like that…
And then there was the next time. When they had left that shop, after he’d had his rather stupid little breakdown moment, and finished by laying his hand on her arm – willingly touching her for the first time. That, too, had been stupid… Not that he had learned from it – judging by what had happened later. Still, at the time, Charlie had been elated. He may have suffered an elongated moment of panic, but Charlie had been literally walking on sunshine. She had smiled and laughed like she didn’t have a care in the world, and it had been a wonderful sight.
Such a precious moment…
Yes, seeing Charlie happy made him happy, and right then, he wished for nothing more than to relive those moments. To somehow get Charlie to smile like that again…
Was that how she had smiled as a child? When life had been easy, and worries comparatively few?

Kougu watched his feet thoughtfully as he walked slowly along the familiar street – thinking carefully over everything. He had become more comfortable around Charlie since that time. Being near her, even touching her, did not bother him quite so much any more. He could tolerate it from time to time, and though he knew it was dangerous, he was glad. For there was nothing quite as terrible as the helpless feeling of standing beside a friend in need, and not even being able to offer a comforting slap on the back. He had become better at controlling himself, too. There were times when he felt almost confident in his ability… Yet he had failed as a friend. Time after time after time, he had messed up – messed up badly – and Charlie had forgiven him. Anybody else would have taken what they could from him and kicked him to the curb – but not Charlie. Charlie was different. Walking beside her now, he felt completely content. Well… Almost.

“Charlie…?” He murmured quietly, pre-empting a question. “Do you remember, back at that shop… When I, uh-“ He broke off, clearing his throat awkwardly, then continuing with slight embarrassment. Okay, so he hadn’t quite got used to the whole ‘closeness’ thing, after all… “Well, back then… You were happy.” He paused, coming to a standstill and staring up toward the sun. “You were really happy….” He trailed off thoughtfully, then turned and looked at her directly, his midnight blue eyes striking her face with such intensity that one would swear he was trying to bore a hole into her skull. “I liked that.” He stated simply, nodding his approval in a very Kougu-ish sort of way.
(Yes, I did just turn my character into an adjective. But come on… No other word can quite describe ‘Kougu-ish’! Haha!)
“And I’ve decided.” He went on, turning away from her again and staring toward the horizon, letting his feet carry him slowly forward again. “It’ll be a long while, still, until I’m really ready to take a shot at my goal… So until then, I think I’ll have a new goal.” He paused thoughtfully, letting his dark eyes slip to the skies again as he strolled placidly along. “I’m going to make you smile like that again.” He stated simply – speaking with complete confidence, like a child determined to catch his first ball.

“Come on.” He turned to her with a childlike grin. “Come with me, let’s see where we end up!” He suggested impishly, taking her hand in his own and tugging her after him. He broke into a steady jog – enthralled by the endless possibilities that had suddenly opened up before him. To just run… To go anywhere, with Charlie by his side, and just get away from it all, just for a while.
He felt like he was intruding on somebody else’s life.
Like he was living in one of his daydreams…
To think, he had nearly thrown all this way…
Because of Him.

It was then in which I thought back to my explanation on what upset me most about what had happened earlier, and found myself frowning slightly. Kougu had seemed surprised that it hadn't been the words that had bothered me, but ion fact was his expression which had upset me most. I couldn't understand it myself, as words, to me, were easier to take back than facial expressions. Of course, it took a lot of effort to honestly take back words, but it was still possible. You could always try and do something to make up for saying something you didn't mean. But expressions and emotions are not as easy to take back, because they are far more honest than the person whom is wearing them. Anyone can speak, but not many people pretend with their emotions, and if they do, they can never do it well. Of course, they can hide their emotions, but never pretend. I found it extremely hard to hide my feelings for Samuels and the other officers when they were manipulating me, and so very rarely smiled. I'd snap all sorts of rude comments towards them, some which even I would admit were a little bit harsh, even for them – telling them to drop dead and rot in hell, for example. But of course, anyone could say something, it's whether they honestly mean it or not. Kougu here, didn't just say goodbye, he meant it. His attitude on me turned round completely, and he honestly thought I was not worth being around anymore. That hurt far more than any form of dialogue... Far more than a sword in my stomach, being twisted sickeningly around my intestines and dragged up my ribs. Well, of course I couldn't know that for sure... Flippin' heck... I really was starting to sound like Kougu.
“I don’t… Make decisions, or consider situations, or decide on solutions. I calculate them. It’s what I was taught, and it’s how my mind works. So that is how it was. I worked out what solution would be best, logically, and it was undeniably the one I’d worked out years ago: To just cruise by, on my own, biding my time and not giving myself a chance to hurt anybody. Especially you… It- It just fits. The logic is unquestionable. But I missed something. I calculated and all, but I didn’t think. I never paused to consider everybody involved – you and I – and our feelings on the matter. Such things don’t matter, logically… So I simply didn’t include them in my calculations, and when it came down to it… When it came down to it, I never expected emotions to matter so much. I’ve seldom had to deal with them before – not like this – and I wasn’t prepared for the reality of the pain it caused me when I realised exactly what my ‘solution’ would mean. I suppose… Maybe it was the same for you. And if it was, I’m truly sorry, because the thought that I was actually going to lose you stabbed way deeper than any sword. ” I listened intently to every syllable, my eyes wide with honest curiosity. So he... hadn't meant all that he said? So why did he look so much like he did? I knew Kougu well enough to know he was no liar. He was a terrible liar. But the face he gave me back there when he said goodbye was a sincere look that he seriously thought he was doing right. It just didn't make sense.
“And I would know.” I was right, I really was beginning to sound like Kougu. I just couldn't decide whether that was meant to be good or bad.
“So... That's that, then.” and he ended his little speech with: “I've got a lot to learn”
This made me laugh. The genius Japanese-reader-slash-speaker had a lot to learn? He knew words I didn't even know existed. Although honestly, that was probably quite a few. But the point still stands... After everything he knew, yet he still thought he had a lot to learn? Was he mad?
Okay, poor choice of words. Of course he was mad.
He was insane.
But that was beside the point.
“Who’d have guessed that people aren’t numbers?” I raised an eyebrow at this. People weren't numbers?
Well, even I'd have got that.
Still, he had a point. A very logical point.
I think.
At least, that's how it sounded to me.
Wow. Thinking about it, me and Kougu were very rarely on the same page, were we? I mean, if it wasn't him speaking Swedish, or whatever language that was, it was me getting nervous over something, or Kougu trying to kill family members, or just being unsociable.
Yes, we were very rarely on the same page, here.

What had been after that? Oh yes, he had answered my question. Not very well, of course. It hadn't been a very good question. Still, the fact that he'd never truly played out much surprised me all the same. Had he not had a childhood at all? He mentioned training, and studying, and training... Lots of training and studying... But what about when he was a toddler? Five? Six? Did he still 'train' then, too? Was his father really that bad at parenting?

“Charlie...?” My attention was brought back to the present at the mention of my name, and I gazed up at Kougu to notice him look oddly calm for some reason, a certain emotion I would never expect of him usually. “Do you remember, back at that shop… When I, uh-” He paused, suddenly sounding rather embarrassed, although I couldn't yet understand why. “Well, back then… You were happy.” I frowned, trying to flash back to when we'd been at the corner shop. I remembered Kougu confidently strolling in, paying the shop keeper several notes in change and collapsing in the middle of the floor.
Actually, no, he hadn't collapsed. At least, not fully.
He'd fell to his knees in devastation, because he thought I was leaving.
Although I had no idea where he'd got that from, since all I called him was impossible.
It was true, of course.
But then what had happened? Oh yes, he'd put his hand on my shoulder, and I'd kind of gone over the moon about it. He was right, I had been happy. But that was before I'd got shot, and before my house had been set on fire. Surely he couldn't have thought that it'd be possible for me to be that happy again after what had happened?
“I liked that.” He added with a firm nod. I sighed, letting my gaze drop back down to the floor. I liked it too. But that was back when I had almost not got a care in the world. But if he thought he was going to be able to make me that happy again, after everything that had happened that day... Well, I hoped he was prepared for some disappointment. Still, it was nice of him for trying.
But wait, had he even done anything yet?
“And I've decided. It’ll be a long while, still, until I’m really ready to take a shot at my goal… So until then, I think I’ll have a new goal.” He paused for effect, before continuing more thoughtfully. “I'm going to make you smile like that again. Come on.” He turned to me, grinning like a Persian cat. He looked like a toddler on a mission, a mission I feared, he would sooner fail. “Come with me, let’s see where we end up!” With this he took his hand in mine, and I felt his long bony fingers wrap around my palm enthusiastically as he began to tug me forward with him. My eyes widened for a moment as I digested the information, letting him drag me hopelessly after him. What was he doing? My eyes narrowed suddenly, yet I found my lips beginning to twitch a smile. Not only was he holding my hand without being bothered by it, but he was suggesting we run a fast as we can and see where we end up? What was he planning? Despite myself I began to quicken to a run until I was properly beside him and let my face crack an excitable grin. We were running, we were running free. We could go wherever we liked for as long as we liked, and no one was going to stop us. Let 'em try, I thought to myself with a girly high-pitched laugh. “You're just...mad!” I jeered, giggling away to myself. My gaze darted to the quiet road before us and suddenly felt adrenaline pump furiously through my veins. I felt just like a thoroughbred being placed on a racetrack after being locked in a stable for weeks. I wanted to run. “I'll race you!” I shouted to him, my smile broadening to an adventurous grin, gently letting my hand slip away form his. “Ready...set, go!” And with that I left him and sped up into a sprint, darting down the grey street to...well, I didn't know. But I couldn't have cared less. For the first time in a long while, I was smiling. I was laughing. I was enjoying myself. What could be much better than that?

Jordan slipped out his scratched Nokia flip phone, frowning as his eyes flicked over the small digital clock at the top right-hand corner. Jimmy had been gone for well over an hour. What had he got himself into? He grumbled to himself irritably, slipping the phone back into his tracksuit pocket. He knew he shouldn't have let the guy go on his own. He just knew it. The guy was bound to get himself in even bigger trouble than before, as he was known for biting off more than he could chew. But he guessed Jimmy simply wasn't used to being challenged, and that Kougu guy was some competition. To say he actually had the nerve to point a gun at Jimmy's head! He had to hand it to the guy, he was fearless. Plus, he seemed to have won Charlie over, and that took some doing. No matter how hard Jimmy had tried he'd never managed to get Charlie to willingly let him hold her, or kiss her for that matter. Despite Jimmy's attempts to please her. Well, the beatings never really helped, if he had to be honest. But Jordan knew better than to challenge Jimmy himself. They were tight, him and Jimmy, and one betrayal would be all it took to set the guy off on a phase of destruction. Nearly caused a riot all on his own, he did. A one man riot, of course, but he'd dodged the police, and all the locals. He'd scared them all half to death, like. He scared everyone half to death. He was used to it. But Kougu? Kougu was fearless, even when around Jimmy. The guy was just impossible. And the way he talked... 'State your intentions'. Seriously? Who in their right minds used words as long as 'intentions'? Where did the boy get it from?

“Ready...set, go!” A voice echoed through his eardrums, and it took him a moment or so to let that cheerful voice sink into his brain. He knew that voice, he could recognise that high-pitched squeal from anywhere. It was Charlie. But he hadn't heard her this happy in years. What had made her sound so happy? Was it Jimmy? Jordan stepped out to the end of the shadowy alleyway where the sunlight his light-olive skin like a slap on the face. Squinting, he could just make out two figures pass him by, one a young female, laughing and jeering playfully as she darted past him, her face beaming. He brought his arm to hover slightly over his forehead to shield his eyes from the sun to reveal the pale face of Jimmy's mop-head enemy jogging gracefully along with her. His eyebrows knitted together. Kougu? What was Kougu doing with Charlie? That meant... if that wasn't Jimmy with Charlie, then... His eyes widened for a moment as comprehension finally sunk in. Jimmy... He sped up into a heavy sprint, panic choking his face. Jimmy... He headed off in the opposite direction, towards the cobbled back street they had just come out from. What had Kougu done? Panting, he slowed to a jog as Jimmy's crumpled body came into view and brought out his phone. “Jimmy!” He shouted, skidding to a stop by the man's side. Punching a number into his phone, he quickly pressed green and brought the speaker to his lips. “Ty? Ty, it's Jordan. Wait... How could you not know? You should have my number...” Growling to himself, he ran his hand through his long, brown hair. He didn't have time for this. “Yes, well... Ty, you're an idiot. Listen! I'm round the back of Duckett Street. Yes, the cobbled one. Jimmy's here. Ty, he's out cold. He's... Just get your butt over here! Now!” With that he hung up and slipped the phone back in his pocket, squatting down beside Jimmy's body slumped up against the cobbles. He could see the guy was breathing. Well, that was a good sign. “Jimmy? Mate, are you alright?”
No answer.
Frowning, he brought his palm to the guy's cheek and slapped it gently.
“Jimmy.”
There was a quiet groan as Jimmy's consciousness was finally brought back to him, like water being poured into a glass, and after a moment of hesitation, his eyes flickered open.
“W...w-whe-...” he stuttered weakly, looking up at Jordan with an unreadable expression. Jordan sighed with relief, feeling himself relax slightly. He was alive. He was okay.
“The guys are on their way. Don't worry, they got those iPods you wanted, they were exactly where you said they'd be. The little cubby hole by the green door? They found them. They we-”
“Where's Kougu? Charlie?” Jimmy interrupted, rubbing his dry face with his palm.
Jordan paused for a moment, biting his lip. What was he meant to say? 'Oh, I saw them running down the street earlier on, having the time of their lives, they were'. Jimmy'd have a fit. “Oh...erm...”
Jimmy raised his eyebrows expectantly.
“Kougu is... Charlie... I saw them a minute ago. Down the street. They'll have gone now, thought. Listen, Jimmy. Forget about Kougu for a bit. Just have a lie down. Tell me what happened.”
Jimmy sighed, popping himself on an elbow tiredly. His face scrunched into a sudden wince as he brought his hand to the back of his throbbing neck. What the hell was that? He rubbed it sorely, gasping in pain. “Kee... Kee-chooo” he whispered, remembering back to what Kougu had said right before he blacked out. It is a pressure point technique called 'keichu'. He couldn't recall ever having being told what it was supposed to do, but whatever it did it had definitely caused him to go permanently paralysed. How did that even work?
Jordan stared at him as if he'd spoken a different language. In fact, he was certain he had. Kee-choo? What the hell was kee-choo? Had the guy hit his head during his landing?
“He did summut... I don't know what. I couldn't feel my legs...” Jimmy shook his head with a sigh, pushing himself to all-fours. “It doesn't matter” he muttered gruffly. “But I have to find him...” he looked up at Jordan, his eyes blazing with hate. “I want him dead, Jordan” He clenched his teeth. “Whatever it takes I want him...dead...” His voice trailed off into a weak hiss, and his fists clenched on the smooth cobbles in the boiling hatred he felt towards that thieving swine who took his girl away from him. Damn you. Kougu... He thought bitterly to himself, slowly managing to pull himself to his feet. Jordan held out a hand for him, but Jimmy refused his assistance. Shakily, he got to his feet, panting slightly in the effort. His neck was throbbing, and he quickly brought his hand to the back of his head, rubbing it constantly. That pain was beginning to irritate him, now.
Jordan raised an eyebrow and nodded, stepping back to give the guy some space. “So...erm... Should I get the gang together?”
Jimmy shook his head. “No. No, it's gunna take more men than what we've got to take this guy down. Give me your phone” he ordered, opening his hand out pointedly.
Jordan frowned slightly, before hesitantly handing over his phone. “Who're you calling?” He asked curiously.
Jimmy looked up at him, his lips curving into a mean, knowing smile. His hair fell over his eyes, giving him the look of a twisted mad-man. “Mi mono al hombre.”
Now, Jordan wasn't usually one for other languages, but this certain phrase he had become all too familiar with. Jimmy was never good at Spanish... Hell, he was hardly good at English, either. But He and Jordan both knew exactly who Jimmy was referring to. He frowned for a moment, before he let out a short gasp in horror. Mi mono al hombre... The Spanish gangster. One of the most infamous immigrants of the entire country.

Antonio Martínez.



((Sorry, random moment xD Mi mono al hombre = my monkey man. I don't know spanish, so don't ask. I'm listening to Me and My Monkey by Robbie Williams, and that was the best I could think of ))